My marriage is over - what now?

[The End]

DH & I sat down last night & decided to end our marriage. To be honest it's a long time coming for me. There was no trust, support communication, respect etc any more (on my side).
He will have to stay living in the house as we couldn't sell or afford for 1 to move out. Our house is big enough to live separately as much as possible. Not ideal but our only option for now.
I'll have the kids Sunday, he'll have them Saturday (for now) - I think alternate weekends would be best but I'll save that for another day.
Can anyone give me any advice on anything I need to do from here?

Any advice appreciated as I'm lost here

[Elsie]

sorry for you both... not what you signed up for but it will be very hard from here on in. I think lots of ground rules need to be set.... especially with regard to things like housework, shopping, family meals? are you still gonna work as a team? Who does the maintenance on the house. Things can get nasty very quickly when things aren't done. I don't envy you and Im only thinking of the boring regular stuff...

sorry not much help but the basics have to be covered...

[jagg]

I can't even imagine the strain of living together but separate. Would there be anyway to take in a lodger and use that money for him(?) to lodge elsewhere? If not, making two separate living spaces would be a good idea, separate living areas, maybe putting a kitchette, separate bathrooms etc. You will also need to be careful to separate everything else for example change joint accounts, utilities etc as you have to able to show when you actually separated to be able to get a divorce later, also if you are going to apply for SW you need to separated a set period of time before that is allowed.
Good luck.

[The End]

The house is big enough to live separately - separate living room, bathrooms, bedroom - all except the kitchen but I can live with that.
We only have 1 joint account & we both put the same amount in every month & this pays for mtg & utility bills.

Can I claim single parent allowance after a period of time?

[snow patrol]

The End, sorry to hear about this. This link might help from a social welfare perspective but I'm sure there are others on here that can offer you advise http://www.welfare.ie/en/Pages/One-Parent-Families.aspx

[Unnamed]

Can I claim single parent allowance after a period of time?

Not if you're co-habiting and I think what you've described would be seen as just that. And not if you're working which I'm guessing you are if you put the same into the account for expenses.

[The End]

Just when someone mentioned SW I wondered.

We are both working so it's not an issue.

Thanks.

[Working Mum]

This is an awful situation for you both, and I'm so sorry to hear that you have to end it. But I would strongly advise that he should move out of the house. No matter how big a house you have, it will be extremely difficult for both if you and for your children. I am speaking from experience, as when my parents broke up, my father remained at home for some time, for the same reasons that you have outlined. It was unbearable for everyone, and although they had a big house and in fairness there was plently of room, it just wasn't feasable in the long term. Particularly difficult was when they got new partners. Myself and my siblings didn't really understand why Mam and Dad were both still there but not together and were very confused. I would try everything for him to move out and set all the ground rules from that point. It will be difficult at first, but could be tougher down the line.

[babybird]

Just from a legal pov, you really do need to separate out the financial accounts. Even a join utility account is something I would avoid tbh. I've seen awful messes with friends who didn't immediately show separate financial accounts - just one of those things that will make life so much easier further down the line.

[Working Mum]

Just from a legal pov, you really do need to separate out the financial accounts. Even a join utility account is something I would avoid tbh. I've seen awful messes with friends who didn't immediately show separate financial accounts - just one of those things that will make life so much easier further down the line.

Would second this aswell, open you own account and get your salary paid into it. Decide on who should pay what and how much but try to close the joint account.

[Iamsoneedy]

The OP has said they can't afford to sell or for one of them to move out.

[RedHen]

It was unbearable for everyone, and although they had a big house and in fairness there was plently of room, it just wasn't feasable in the long term.

I don't want to add to your stresses, but I'd totally agree with this from my own experience. It's a horribly awkward position for children to be in, and probably a huge relief when one parent eventually moves out. I know some people think there's a benefit in having both parents there in the house for the children but I think that's completely outweighed by the tension and stress everyone is under trying to cope in a very odd situation.

I know you've said that financially it's not possible, but I'd look at all the possibilities before agreeing to live together in the same house. Taking in a lodger has already been suggested. Or what about renting out your house (it seems to be quite large) and using the money to rent two smaller places? Do you have any savings that could be used to fund a place for your husband? Does he have parents he could move back in with? Or could you sell the house, even at a loss, and rent? Some people might think the children being able to stay in their home is the most important thing but being out of an unhealthy situation might be of more benefit. But if there's really no other option, I'm sure you'll make the best of it for them.

Definitely get your own bank account set up and have your salary lodged to it. Also, if you have any savings accounts, you might want to split them now.

[Guest]

[quote="Working Mum"][quote="babybird"]Just from a legal pov, you really do need to separate out the financial accounts. Even a join utility account is something I would avoid tbh. I've seen awful messes with friends who didn't immediately show separate financial accounts - just one of those things that will make life so much easier further down the line.[/quote]

Would second this aswell, open you own account and get your salary paid into it. Decide on who should pay what and how much but try to close the joint account.[/quote]

I have my own account & wages are lodged to it. It's only the household bills & mtg that come from the joint account. Hard to split the bills when you never know how much they'll be till you get them. All bills come out of my account but I take the money out of the JA to pay for them.

We couldn't rent our house as it wouldn't pay the mtg. Both our parents are in different counties & not possible to move there.

We don't have joint savings.

[Darva]

You need to change the bills coming from your account and taking money from the joint account to pay them.

Are the bills in your sole name?

[The End]

[quote="Darva"]You need to change the bills coming from your account and taking money from the joint account to pay them.

Are the bills in your sole name?[/quote]

Change it how?

They are in my name - I think. I'll check that.