Would you apply for legal separation in these circumstances?

[Advice please]

H and I agreed to seperate Christmas 2013 and have attended a few mediation sessions which have been helpful for the most part. However he is still living in the marital home weekends and ocassionally longer eg mid term holidays and sometimes 4 nights, 3 days if he works from home as he works abroad during the week. Needless to say I hate this and he has as far as I can see no intention of moving out in the near future and I wouldn't even be sure it will be this year. He says its depending on him getting a job here which I do understand but in the meantime I'm living as a separated person in what to the outside is a marriage. We haven't told many people as we don't want to it getting back to the kids and having a dark cloud over them until he definitely is moving out. This was agreed at mediation.

So my question is, should I go ahead and apply for a legal separation in order to be treated as a separated person for social welfare and maintenance? I was holding off as I thought it could be worked out through mediation when things started happening with his job but as a say that doesn't look likely.

At the moment H transfers a sum each month and pays the mortgage and main utility bills. This has been the case since I gave up work nearly 6 years ago but he has reduced it significantly without my agreement as he deemed it too much. My expenses have increased as the kids have got older with sporting activities and school expenses so I am always broke. I don't have a problem with being broke so much as H can afford to have weekends away, new clothes etc and I feel I can't give the kids anything whereas when he does something with them it involves a big activity plus a meal out. I just want more fairness and whilst I'm not naive enough to think this will happen as I wish particularly from reading this forum it may be good to get everything formalised?

Should I just put up and shut up for longer or start to go more formal? I have legal aid in place if I need to do this.

TIA

[neko]

am in a similar situation with regards to the living attangements but with separation agreement in place. pm me if you like

[sue=]

Think you need to go back to mediation to sort out why he has reduced money without discussion.Then sort out what the plan is if he moves out,do you sell home or what happens to home, who lives there.You could ring citizen advice and they should be able to help you on the social welfare requiremnts for making a claim.Sounds like a tough situation,wish you the best of luck.

[purple star]

I haven't really any advice but I suppose if you are separated and he moved out you can't expect that he would pay the full mortgage and all the bills. I think you would probably be advised to find a job yourself now your circumstances have changed. But in your situation in addition to getting or trying to get a job I would go and get some legal advice.

[Unnamed poster 6]

Could you speak to a solicitor?
As far as I know you don't need to have a legal separation to be viewed as such, well at least I wasn't. I did end up going down the legal route as my ex refused to discuss anything and then started getting arsey about things, so mediation was out. It was the only way I could manage things (for example he refused to pay any maintenance and threatened to prevent me bringing the children on holiday). It sounds very tough for you, best of luck.

[Advice please]

Thanks for replies.

To answer the questions, he reduced the money he transferred to me before we agreed to seperate. The lack of communication about money and his refusal to see what was brought into the house as our money rather than just his to control of as he saw fit is one of the main reasons for the separation for me.

I can speak to my legal aid solicitor but I was hoping to get some advice here before I contacted her as I wouldn't want to waste her time without a bit of knowledge.

No I wouldn't expect him to pay the full mortgage and bills. He does however have a very good salary and it is his wish that the kids stay in the family home and then sell it when the kids are finished education. We wouldn't make much by selling the house at the moment, we would be lucky to break even so I see where he is coming from. I had hoped to move nearer my family and then I would have childcare whilst I went to work full time but he had vetoed that at mediation. I do work part time for myself at the moment when the kids are in school a few mornings and evenings and unless an agreement for childcare costs is mediated then I won't be going back full time, I would just be working to pay a minder. Also as he works away and I haven't any family here, I have no one to mind in the holidays, sickness etc.

Unfortunately we only go to mediation when he decides we should and he has something to discuss so that is out for now.

I think ill contact the solicitor and see what she says. She was all for continuing mediation but after 13 months the only thing we have agreed is for me to stay in the house.