Mother issues

[Mia]

Astra my mother is very difficult . We have a very poor relationship . She is a narcissist , and only thinks of herself . She is also only concerned with how she appears to others and always wants to look good .
She has no consideration for me , at all . She never has . She has left me to others to mind always . She I don't think ever collected me from school or anything !

She also blames me for our dreadful relationship . I don't know who my biological father is. She just pretends that's not happening that I am not worthy of knowing anything . She is totally unapproachable . She acts like a child about most issues .

So you are not alone . It's difficult . I have had years of therapy which have helped but it's still hard .

M

[Astra]

Thanks europe1, the link you sent is great, I have read others on the topic before but this is the most accurate and easily understood one, it's saved to my favourites!!
Mia that's horrible, your mother is probably afraid that if you find your father you'll develop a relationship with him, how sad for you she can't find it in her to give you details. :-(

My father is not narcisstic but panders to my mother, speaks about her like she's a saint, he will sometimes stop her if she goes too far in his presence but usually she does it when he's not there and then fills him in after with a different version of events. I think he believes all his children have difficult personalities. Maybe it's easier than accepting the truth? Either way he's brain washed to believe she's always right, even though he himself is often the scapegoat if there's no one else to berate.

Can I ask does any one else feel sorry for their mother. I know it sounds crazy given the behaviour but I sometimes feel sorry for mine, I wonder if this disorder is something that she can't help, that it's beyond her control, she's not happy and living like that can't be easy either. I wonder do these people have the ability to change or on some level do they choose to be this way?
However no matter how sorry for her I sometimes am, I'm not able/willing to be her punchbag any more, for the sake of my children, marriage and sanity I've had to call enough and set boundaries. I allowed them to be lowered due to recent circumstances but after the events a few days plus previous ones in the last weeks I've decided it's time to step back once again to only necessary contact and weekly visits.

Thanks again for replies.

[Guest]

Hi Astra, I am currently reading 'The Daughterhood' by Natasha Fennell and Roisín Ingle..I can honestly say it's the first time I've read/heard such honesty regarding strained mother-daughter relationships...I too always felt alone with this struggle, but now realise I am not. I would highly recommend it. Hope it helps you too xx

[pichet]

Hi Astra, I am currently reading 'The Daughterhood' by Natasha Fennell and Roisín Ingle..I can honestly say it's the first time I've read/heard such honesty regarding strained mother-daughter relationships...I too always felt alone with this struggle, but now realise I am not. I would highly recommend it. Hope it helps you too xx

I just finished this and found it great too. I think my relationship with my mother issa composite of all the more difficult relationships described. Well worth a read.