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It is tough Viola. Barnardos have some helpful leaflets on telling the kids.

Your wobble is completely normal. It is hard to choose uncertainty, even when the alternative is crap. But it is the right thing. I had a wobble after we told the kids and tried to make it work. It was a disaster and I regret putting the kids through it.

It’s funny, everyone I have told, who all would have loved dh, have all said fair fucks to me for having the courage to stand up for myself. He had never treated me with enough love or cared enough about me. And that’s not me telling them anything that’s gone on, just the bare bones of when we are splitting. So if others can see it the kids will have definitely noticed. That alone is enough to get me through the wobbles.

Sorry you're going through this Viola. You'd be surprised what people notice. I heard through a mutual friend last year that a couple we knew had separated, the side of the story that came from him was that the wife ended the marriage. At first we were shocked but the more I thought about it I remembered little ways he used to mock her that was dressed up as "joking", I think he enjoyed putting out this impression that she was some kind of brainless bimbo. I've seen her around since and just said hello and made small talk because I didn't want to be nosey and prying into their personal lives but she does seem a lot more content in herself nowadays. I've seen him around too and I could never imagine them together now, it's like she came out of her shell and he's the same as he's always been.

It's not an easy thing at all to even consider what you're doing Viola so remember that. And remember that what you decide now doesn't have to be the only and final decision you make on this. It's okay to change your mind on any aspect of this and what's to come as you go through it

We told the kids last Friday, ex sobbed crying which meant that I couldn’t cry because that would send the wrong message to the kids completely.
They all reacted how I imagined. Dd1 wants him out of the house right away, can’t understand why he is still here.
Ds was absolutely devastated and angry, would do anything to fix us. He has calmed down as the week has gone on but when ex finally leaves it’ll be hard all over again.
Dd2 offered to help pack his bags.

I’ve been telling close family snippets of things that’s happened or how he has treated me. They all suspected he didn’t truly love me very much and he never treated me very nice from their POV.

Last night I brought up the dog, does he want to take the dog as I’ll have a lot with work & 3 kids. He said he still plans to call every evening on his way home from work. I had originally said yea a few weeks ago but now Jesus the thoughts of it it’s a fuck no. I’m so unbelievably angry with him.
I couldn’t sleep last night and started flicking through WhatsApp messages just to check if it was in my head but Jesus we did nothing but fight, I mean it was so toxic. From a quick flick he has broken up or ended things with me 3 times since last February. The time in May he said he would move out. That was because I sat out chatting with his family when we were on a camping trip. He got thick with me because I didn’t go to bed at the same time as him! That row lasted weeks and again ended it by message. Jesus u have been some fucking idiot push over. NEVERE AGAIN!

Your daughters reaction to the split speaks volumes. You not taking it any more is a powerful message to them. Stay strong and rant here whenever you need. Think of the peaceful house you can come home to when he's gone. You are so strong and brave.

Yes that’s exactly what my mum said when she asked about the kids.
Dd1 knew we were going to split up and had said as much to her friend. She was sad for me and doesn’t want me to be lonely.
I didn’t think I was brave or strong but it’s the strangest feeling, I actually feel like a new person. A far stronger and better person than ever. He said he’ll look forward watching me fuck it up with the kids, well can watch me raise 3 absolutely amazing children without him instead.

Harness the anger you are feeling now (which is completely justified), it can really help push you on. You are doing great and have a brilliant mindset.

Enjoy the peace when he is gone. I painted the bedroom after ExH left and bought new bedclothes. It is now my retreat.

I'd suggest allocating him a couple of particular evenings when he moves, when he comes by after work and can feed the kids etc, while you go for a walk/cinema trip/coffee with friends. Use it as your time off.

I also asked Ex to take responsibility for the dog as I had enough to do. He didn't.

Funny you should say that about the bedroom Molls, it’s the first thing I am planning to do when he is gone! Won’t go quite as far as buying a new bed yet but definitely painting and new bed sheets!

At the beginning of this thread you come across as slightly stunned but very calm Viola. It looks like during the last few weeks you have given yourself permission to get angry about the many things you held back on. You sound free. It reads like you really need this freedom. Like Fourarms said, you are really brave. I think you are going to like this new person emerging:)

Well done Viola. You’ve made such progress since you first posted. While your DS is very upset, you’re doing him a favour in the long run as you wouldn’t want him thinking it’s ok for a man to treat his partner the way your ex has treated you. He’s not the role model that you’d want for your son and he’ll realise that once ex moves out and he sees you thrive! Best of luck x

You sound really together Viola, well done on getting this far.

I don't think I've ever heard of anything so infantile as a man texting to break up, and more than once. Eejit, you're well rid. Tbh, I'm incredulous that he stayed this long with his obvious immaturity.

Deise wrote: ↑Fri Mar 08, 2024 6:52 pm You sound really together Viola, well done on getting this far.

I don't think I've ever heard of anything so infantile as a man texting to break up, and more than once. Eejit, you're well rid. Tbh, I'm incredulous that he stayed this long with his obvious immaturity.

I was a walk over for far too long!

Don't look at it as being a walkover. You were doing your best to keep the head down and get through what probably felt like a bad patch.

Viola you are not a walkover you did the best you could. He is the one who is the problem.