Marriage breakdown

[Carmella]

Viola, there is a book called ‘too good to leave, too bad to stay’ and it’s worth a read.
Get some counselling for yourself, you are right not to go to counselling with an abuser as he will find out what hurts you and know how to do it even worse in the future.
I can completely understand putting up with something, but when you see it being done to your child, you can see the wrongness of it.
Wishing you strength x

[SecretMe]

Viola I am so sorry you are going through this. It sounds to me like the marriage ended long ago and the reality is coming out now.

I cannot stand the silent treatment. I don't understand it, get it, do it, tolerate it, and even when I ever tried, I just can't do it. I am not a sulker so that's probably why. For this reason I see your husband as being immature and controlling. Wanting his way, never believing he is ever wrong. Nobody is perfect! He is a manipulator a d has admitted that to you by saying he ended the marriage (by text, wtf?) to get you to apologise. That's immature nonsense.

I'm glad you are standing your ground on this, push forward with a separation and hopefully you can use the 2nd house you have.

Best of luck, I hope my words were not too harsh, feck they are harsh but I'll leave them there.

[Viola]

No secret me trust me I’m nodding in agreement with everything you have said.

[CLBG]

Yea the real shitty part is that he has done the silent treatment on the kids too. And I can’t stand for that. He did it to dd1 on holidays after she said something nasty (but fuck it wasn’t a lie it just was a hurtful truth) and to ds recently, I told ds to go and apologise to stop the silent treatment which was wrong of me but I didn’t want ds thinking it was ok to ignore his dad.

I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this Viola.. just wanted to mention that my sister is in a similar marriage, kids are all well grown, but this is her biggest regret - asking one of her kids to apologise to her H when the kid wasn't in the wrong. For your and their sake, I'd say to be v careful about this and the message it sends. You're doing your best so no judgement here, just wanted to highlight it. You know yourself it wasn't the best thing to do, and maybe no harm to say this to your ds. It can reinforce the eggshells otherwise.

[Viola]

I absolutely regretted telling ds to go and apologise. Plus he also instead of just accepting the apology questioned ds if I sent him to apologise. Anyway it’s not really relevant. We had a long conversation today and he is telling his parents today. We are going to tell the kids on Friday and he will move into his parents house on Sunday until the other house becomes available.

[twinfun]

So glad he is moving out to his parents then the other house

His divorce by text is very immature and you will feel so much happier with out his behaviours
I’m sure your life will be so much better for you and the children in the future

[magicray]

Thats a big step Viola, hope you are feeling ok about it all

[Viola]

Well I just feel completely numb to be honest. But have felt numb for weeks so I’ll get through it. I’m dreading telling the kids, and it’ll be me picking up the pieces. But they already know in a way, dd2s teddy got divorced yesterday and ds asked us outright if we were getting divorced the other day.

[Rita]

Hope you are ok Viola. Sounds like the step you need but it is big . Have you got support in real life?

[Nodrog]

I'm sorry you are going through a tough time

[Groucho]

No advice, Viola, just sending you lots of positive thoughts for the road ahead. Isn't it amazing how kids pick up on stuff.

[TCR]

No advice viola just best wishes.

[Viola]

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate it. I have a very good friend who has been great for advice the past few weeks thankfully. Going to tell my brother later as well.

[Supermaman]

Same, no advice but best wishes, look after yourself and your children.

[Tobo]

Ah,sorry it's come to this. But you couldn't keep living in what you've described either.
You're a young woman with a lot of life ahead, you and the kids, deserve so much better.
Look after yourself.