Marriage breakdown

[tippexile]

Viola, I've no advice other than to be proud of yourself for standing up for yourself and doing the right thing for both your and your children's future happiness.
From reading other people's experiences here and from some other people I know, it will be a bumpy road and he might either love bomb you or become nasty in order to make you change your mind. But remember how you and your children were walking on eggshells to keep him happy and how stressed that made you.
Take care .

[Smoke]

I think sometimes documenting here how you've been made feel will be useful in the months to come.
I think sometimes a person's mind will sift out the bad stuff for it's own protection. If it's written down you'll remember the feelings you have right now.

[sooon]

Viola I'm sorry this is happening to you, it sounds like it has been building for a long time. Take time to consider what you want to do, maybe this sharp shock is whats needed to make your husband grow up, he sounds very immature. He needs to see that this latest "row" is the catalyst, not the reason for the split. When the numbness wears off you may start doubting yourself, I would try and get some counselling for yourself before doubts start creeping in.

For what its worth I think you are absolutely doing the right thing for you and your children and actually for your husband, he needs to sort himself out and want to sort himself out, this break might be the best decision you have made.

Keep talking here and to your friends and family that you trust, you will get through this.

[NDM]

I think sometimes documenting here how you've been made feel will be useful in the months to come.
I think sometimes a person's mind will sift out the bad stuff for it's own protection. If it's written down you'll remember the feelings you have right now.

This is great advice. If you doubt yourself and your decision come back to this thread as reread.

I'm glad to read things are moving on. Good luck telling your kids. They already know by the sounds of it. Stay strong. X

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[Apple]

Best of luck Viola.

[Goingagain]

Good luck with the decision you have made Viola, you are making a stand for yourself and children and by reading back I think you are happy with your decision.

Also thank your lucky stars he's willing to go so easy, I have friend going through a horrendous time at the moment and he won't leave, the damage to all is devastating!

[kiko]

Best of luck Viola. I think you’ll feel nothing but relief in no time at all xx

[Viola]

Thanks all for such great advice and support. He wants to talk again this evening about how we tell the kids etc so hopefully we can work that out. He initially had said Friday night but now he doesn’t want to ruin the Friday night Chinese, and he was going to move out Sunday but now thinks that’s too soon. I’m not biting back in case he is looking for a row or the chance to say I kicked him out of the house either.

[HeyJude]

No advice just to stay strong and keep posting.

[Milo]

Viola I'm sorry this has happened to you. The situation definitely sounds untenable and you and your children deserve so much better. I hope he will leave and give you space.

[Gervais]

Hopefully he won't drag his heels now that he is stalling about telling the kids. Could it be the case that he had no intention of leaving and thought you'd be begging him to stay by now? Be aware that he might be playing mind games and could announce over the weekend that he has decided to stay put. Tell your family asap so that you can call on them for support. Have a read of other HM's posts about their experiences to get an idea of how he may behave, as I imagine he might play a few mind games along the way. You are young, strong and the day will come where you and the kids can relax in your home without wondering what mood he'll be in. Focus on that.

[Attempting the dream]

Viola, I am so sorry to hear you’re going through this. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I’m just coming out the other side of the most awful 4 years - I don’t really have much advice only to take the time you need to figure out exactly what you want for now, take things slowly. There are so many decisions to be made - don’t rush into anything. Try and get your family to be supportive in a way they don’t offer opinions. I found it hard to hear everyone be an expert on my situation when in reality they didn’t have a clue what had gone or what was going on. I wish you all the strength and as others have said please use hear to vent or voice your thoughts. It definitely helped me.

[fourarms]

Viola, hope things are going ok for you.

[Viola]

Hi thanks for thinking of me. I had a bit of a wobbler the other evening and cried my eyes out for the night, thinking it would be easier to just stay, he’s making an effort now etc. Then, then I remembered all the shit he has put me through and swiftly copped myself on.

We are telling the kids Friday and he is moving Sunday, we can’t continue with the current set up of him on the couch or in one of the kids bed and them in with me.
I’ve been getting so many bloody migraines and I have a pain in the pit of my stomach but people survive much worse than this so I know I will be ok.

[tippexile]

Keep reminding yourself about how he has treated you and the kids every time you have a wobble. You probably know that while he is making an effort now, that would more than likely stop if you agreed to take him back.
Look after yourself, your body is reacting to the stress. Is there anyone in real life that you can meet or a coffee and a chat. Sometimes just getting out of the house and sharing your thoughts can help.