Marriage breakdown

[Viola]

Yea well that’s true, shouldn’t be making excuses for his shitty behaviour by blaming myself.

[Vino]

I don't think you were a walkover. You probably got used to the dynamics and how it always played out. He probably got the reaction he wanted from you when he started doing this and then as time went on used the threat as a way to control you and your reactions when he behaved badly.
Most people get married thinking it's for life, when they have a family they think they'll raise them together. Unless something big happens like an affair or violence, and not always even then, it takes a lot of wearing down and chipping away before the more invested spouse, usually the woman, will walk away.

Aside from that even if someone was a walkover it doesn't make them weak or any less of a person. They're doing their best at that time. It takes a lot of strength, courage, independence and financial changes to end a marriage. I can only imagine how miserable/desperate a person must be to be able to gather all that together and decide to change things.

[Viola]

So ex is moving out tomorrow. He told the kids yesterday. Moving in with his parents until the house is ready.
I’m a bag of stress, nervousness, anxiety, you name it I’m feeling it.
Also changed the holiday booking. I’m taking the 3 kids & dd1s friend to France on my own because he won’t compromise and fly over. The thoughts of setting off in the car together as “normal” I just couldn’t do it so asked would he fly over and leave before my birthday but be there for dd1s birthday. He is refusing, so I’ve changed the sailing and we are sailing home the day before my birthday instead. I’ll make sure it’s the best damn holiday the kids have ever had even if it’s just with me for the 2 weeks.

[molls]

Fantastic plan for the holiday. Your request was reasonable, he is a prick for refusing, but you will have a better time without him.

[Viola]

Fantastic plan for the holiday. Your request was reasonable, he is a prick for refusing, but you will have a better time without him.

Thank you, he thinks I’m being completely unreasonable asking him to fly over for part of the holiday. We are an hour from the airport, I offered to collect him & he can stay with us even but no I’m being unreasonable.
Anyway I don’t care. It’s almost a 6 hour drive but I’ll manage on my own, fuck him.

[Viola]

I can’t stop crying tonight though. I hate him so much right now because he has broken me so much to the point where I’m doubting myself and Jesus should I not just put up with the silent treatment instead of putting the kids through this.

I know deep down I’m doing the right thing for us all but Jesus it’s tough.

[mcmammy2]

Ah Viola its a huge life change of course you feel uncertain and thats ok. Just remember you didn't do this. Its not unreasonable to expect your spouse to treat you with love and respect its the very least you should expect. Be kind to yourself you have got this.

[Rita]

Your kids will have a great holiday. And it will be peaceful for you.
Take your time on the drive…it will be fine. No reason you can’t do it by yourself.

Mind yourself xx tomorrow will be tough but you will get through it

[molls]

Sending you a virtual hug, for what it is worth. It isn't easy. But it gets better, I promise.

[Millie]

You won’t be broken forever ViolaX

[sooon]

Viola by the sounds of it, your kids will be in a much better atmosphere when he is gone. You are not putting your kids through anything, you are making things better, he created this situation and you have put up with it long enough. Once tomorrow is done, things will start looking better. Mind yourself and stop being so hard on yourself.

[jagg]

Viola, you are stronger than you think. It is infinitely easier to change nothing no matter how toxic that is. But to do that is to sacrifice your happiness and that of your kids. You are a brave and strong mother and woman, you can do this. I am 17 years down this road, and I can tell you after a few weeks on my own I was 100 times happier, and it just got easier and and more fulfilling from them on. You got this girl.

[Poppy]

Viola, I have no advice for you but I am wishing you well. You know you are doing the right thing for you and your children, your future self and your children will thank you for making the change.

[DiscoGirl]

One morning, one afternoon , one night at a time, you are doing amazing Viola ! We are all here, virtual hugs x

[Lady Madonna]

It sounds like he wants to make the holiday as awkward as possible just to make his presence felt whereas you'll be able to relax better without his presence. He'll probably still try to rock the boat between now and then but once you get there the distance between you will do you good. I hope all passports etc. are well in date and it might be no harm to move them to somewhere other than where you usually keep them just in case.