I don't think my family like me

[Sad2023]

I am feeling pathetic. I thought growing up I had a good relationship with my parents and siblings. Not super close but we all got along fine.
However in recent years a few incidents have happened that make me think I've only ever been tolerated and they don't actually like me. One example, I like to send one brother funny videos or tweets on WhatsApp. Maybe once a day. He would always reply quickly and say it was funny or send a laughing emoji. So I thought we had a nice relationship until he made a very mean comment about how much I text him when we were all out for drinks recently. I was embarrassed that what I thought was one thing was actually annoying him. So now I feel like I should stop altogether and I haven't texted him since.
This is one example but there are others. I'm feeling really upset because I'm hosting them all for Christmas and for the past while I wonder are they only coming here because they feel obliged to and will they be rolling their eyes at me behind my back. I know Christmas is emotional but this is eating away at me. I don't want to be spending all this time and money making a nice meal for people who I don't think really like me. And I feel stupid and clueless for only wondering about what's real about our relationship at all at this stage in my life.

[Mrs Yarn]

Sorry you’re feeling this way. Sounds like you’re feeling insecure at the moment, remind yourself how brilliant you are. I’m sure they do love you, otherwise I can’t see that they’d want to spend Christmas Day at yours. I hope you can feel better about hosting everyone and have a nice Christmas.

[Rita]

I sometimes think when siblings get together they revert back to childhood..if my brother said that he would most likely be either trying to wind me up or think he was funny. And yes we are mature adults .
Do you like them, and are there times or things about them that annoy you?


Hopefully this doesn’t come out wrongly but would you be hormonal..I know perimenopause and menopause are a big topic here and I certainly think I became more sensitive.

I don’t think they would come out of obligation? I wouldn’t anyway and neither would my dh.

Don’t feel stupid , or clueless, as it isn’t unusual for people to question friendships or family relationships at times. And wonder if they feel the same.

[jagg]

I'm sorry you feel like this, and I don't really have any advice. However, I do find I tend to overthink everything if I am stressed or tired. Sometimes a glib comment can eat away at me, and I wonder what they meant by it, when in actual fact they didn't mean anything at all. In the example you've given, it reads as if he just made an off the cuff remark- kind of a tease/slag (that doesn't change the fact that you're hurt by it), but if he was truly annoyed by the memes etc why would he respond at all? Most people just ignore them in the hopes they'll stop. By engaging he was inviting more, and so you were not imagining the relationship.at all. Families are hard work sometimes, but it sounds like yours are closer than most, so I doubt they're just tolerating you. Hope you can find some good advice here. Mind yourself.

[Dobble]

Ah sorry you are upset
My brothers act like big kids sometimes when we are all together and love taking the piss out of each other as if we were teenagers again
I can generally handle it now but occasionally it will upset me (definitely hormonal)
Would you say something to him before Christmas Day, just to clear the air and let him know he upset you ?

[twinfun]

I too find if it’s my hormonal time of the month I’m more inclined to get upset at family gatherings when my brothers and Dad tease me ( I’m definitely more insecure now I’m going through the peri menopause unfortunately) it’s just a family thing
I do wind one of my brothers up that during childhood he was the biggest board game cheat but it’s just joshing in fun




Though sometimes I feel too that they are being unkind when it’s really just jokes and they love me and care for me really

I do think they wouldn’t be coming to your Christmas gathering if they didn’t like you and I hope you do have a lovely Christmas Day

[dutchie]

I genuinly feel that if they didn't like you - they wouldn't be coming over to you for christmas day - they'd be spending christmas day somewhere else. Have a word with your brother before christmas day and try clear the air with him. Families are hard work. Hope your OK and things get sorted sooner rather than later xx

[twinfun]

I too think it would be easier to have a quiet conversation with your brother beforehand and clear the air so you can relax and enjoy Christmas Day

I enjoyed our pre Christmas dinner gathering on Saturday night it was much easier than usual as I had a quiet word with my Dad beforehand as I find family gatherings difficult

[purple star]

I think you are being over sensitive to be honest. I'm pretty sure as the others have said that they would not be going to yours if they weren't happy to.
I have 5 siblings, we often say stuff to eachother that if you were feeling a bit sensitive you could take to heart but mostly we know not to react in that way. It's normal sibling carry on. I mean there are times my siblings might drive me crackers but I do still get on with them etc. Depends entirely on my mood/what's going on for me/anxiety etc how I react to their slagging/comments etc on any given day.
I'm sure your Christmas will not be spent with them rolling eyes, just put his comment behind you and move on. And do keep sending your brother the funny memes. He wouldn't reply with emojis etc if he was really annoyed about it.

[CocoRose]

It sounds like your feelings were genuinely hurt by his comments. It's not nice to be made feel like that. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you though. We can be fairly hard on eachother at times as siblings with slagging and usually laugh but it can occasionally tip the wrong direction, I've been on the receiving end and the giving end... inevitably it's all forgotten after a few days or weeks. I wouldn't brood on it too long. Save the memes for someone who appreciates it xx

[CocoRose]

And it's not pathetic to acknowledge how you feel. You might be extra sensitive right now for other reasons but I do think it sounds cruel how your brother spoke to you.

[Cinquecento]

I too think you are being over sensitive. Siblings slag. It’s annoying at times but it’s usually just fun and banter.

I wouldn’t be having a word with your brother before Christmas. He will, most likely, be totally baffled, not remember it, not understand why it bothered you and then it’ll be a ‘thing’. I’ve been there. Men are most definitely a different species when it comes to these things.

I would only talk/pull him up on something that was genuinely out of order. This, I think, was just slagging. Give him the benefit of the doubt & enjoy your day.

[Avalon]

I think it was just sibling slagging. We do the same in my family and I know one of my siblings sometimes takes it to heart when we are just having banter.

Also as someone else said, I find if I am anyway stressed or emotional it can amplify all these types of things.

I think if they didn’t want to go to you for Christmas at least one of them would be making excuses with reasons why they can’t go. Enjoy your Christmas with them.

[Lady Madonna]

A quote I read once said "You'd care less what people thought of you if you realised how seldom they do"

I don't mean to be nasty but the most likely scenario is that your brother, like a lot of us, had other whatsapps and messages coming in and probably other life stuff too and maybe just didn't see the messages til later or looked bit didn't bother acknowledging them. Personally the more I find my phone pinging with messages the more I want to put it in a drawer and forget about it so I muted most conversations now, not because I dislike anyone in them but because I prefer to take the time to consciously read messages when it suits me rather than being always available to others.
Similarly if there's other things with other family members, they're probably not spending their time thinking you're this or you're that, they're just going about their business.

If you normally enjoy hosting Christmas day please don't let this worry overshadow it, you'll be together and won't need whatsapps or likes or emojis

[Kensington]

I agree. siblings slag. tbh I don't like it and have tried not to let it happen with my own kids but it is what it is and doesn't mean they don't like you - not at all. Seriously not at all. They are all coming to you for christmas. They like that, they love that,. they like and love you.