Seeing someone with a large age gap - younger man/older woman

[Sparkly Pooh Bear]

If one of my sons dated someone older I think I'd be initially surprised but wouldnt be overly be bother (once it was a healthy caring relationship).

One of my school mates in school when he was 19-20 started going out with a woman over twice his age. They are still together and they seem to be a happy couple.

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[August]

If it was me I would be seeing it as relationship with limited potential, one to enjoy for this time in your life but without getting in too deep in terms of combining your lives. But that’s just me.

From the outside, I think I’d be curious but not judgemental. I must admit though that I don’t love seeing much older men with younger women. If I was close to either partner, I guess I would be concerned for them that they might get hurt or that they might be compromising too much if it became more serious. Like others, I wouldn’t love it for my own child either.

[August]

I don’t know but it seems to be common now. You have to stick to your age group or you’re a creep apparently.

Is this not just because they are so young? The younger you are the bigger an age gap feels? 18 to 23 seems a lot but 23 to 28 seems fine to me.

[TCR]

A workplace relationship in a small company will be news/gossip in my opinion. Even before adding in the age gap. I know it would be in my workplace. It could be awkward for people working alongside you. Now that shouldn’t decide who you date but it will have an impact.
I’m not sure on the age gap really. A friend of mine has a similar age gap and they have been together nearly 20 years now. She has kids and grandkids. He has been a father figure to them. Her kids were very young though when they met.
It’s hard to know what will happen in any relationship but it sounds like you are being a realist. You can see potential issues. I’d say give it time see what happens. If you break it off now worrying about what might happen will you be happy to walk away?

[Sally]

I don’t know but it seems to be common now. You have to stick to your age group or you’re a creep apparently.

Is this not just because they are so young? The younger you are the bigger an age gap feels? 18 to 23 seems a lot but 23 to 28 seems fine to me.

I’d agree.
Think it was ever thus.

Don’t know what age your DD and friends are Apple, but you’d imagine some life experience will bring different perspectives.

When I was 20, dating someone who was ten years older would have been shocking as 30 seemed absolutely ANCIENT!
But when I was 30 , dating a 40 yr old would have seemed much more normal.

[Groucho]

I'm assuming that the family business is yours, not his? An older woman sleeping with the much-younger son of her employer in a family-run business - I really can't see that flying at all once it becomes public knowledge. Along with the gossip factor, your job could very possibly be at risk too (if not strictly legal, life could be made rather uncomfortable for you by worried and upset parents). If the business is your family's, that is probably better for both of you.

But, would whichever of you doesn't own the business consider finding another job? And then if you want, in a little more time, with a little more professional distance between you, you consider making your relationship public? While you will still have the age-gap gossip to contend with whenever you do go public, at least you won't have a potentially awkward work dynamic in the mix too.

Re: the age-gap, I don't know. It could work. I'm kind of the mind that if two free, consenting adults are enjoying each other, then why the hell not? It might fizzle out, it might be a lifelong love affair - who knows. It's the work bit I'd be more concerned about!

Best of luck with it all!

[Amarach]

Years ago in audit, once it became common knowledge people were dating they weren't allowed work on the same jobs. My old place in the UK suspended the boss and a female colleague after being found in a very compromising permission. Given he was head of the company signing off everyone's appraisals and pay increases that is a clear conflict.

[Apple]

I don’t know but it seems to be common now. You have to stick to your age group or you’re a creep apparently.

Is this not just because they are so young? The younger you are the bigger an age gap feels? 18 to 23 seems a lot but 23 to 28 seems fine to me.

I’d agree.
Think it was ever thus.

Don’t know what age your DD and friends are Apple, but you’d imagine some life experience will bring different perspectives.

When I was 20, dating someone who was ten years older would have been shocking as 30 seemed absolutely ANCIENT!
But when I was 30 , dating a 40 yr old would have seemed much more normal.

Only seeing this now. I’m not sure to be honest but I definitely wasn’t as judgemental at that age. The friend couple of mine I mentioned were 20 and 30 when they started going out and I don’t think any of us were particularly bothered.

I think the current climate of me too and people being cancelled has fed into this. I work with two younger people who obviously fancy each other but he says she is too young. There’s 7 years between them.

[No1 babe]

It’s no one else’s business except the two in the relationship , but if it was my son dating an older lady I certainly wouldn’t want it. It mightn’t make much difference now but when the fella is 50 and the lady will soon be turning pension age.

[LucyS]

One of my school mates in school when he was 19-20 started going out with a woman over twice his age. They are still together and they seem to be a happy couple.

Stockholm syndrome springs to mind. I know it is perfectly legal, but I would have serious concerns about a relationship between a 40+ year-old and a 19/20 year old.

Mid twenties is a very different matter.

[Smoke]

You've asked us 2 things here

the first being what impartial people would think of this situation and

Impartially I would probably be fine with this. I know of a couple similar to this who have lasted decades. At this stage nobody bats an eyelid.

the second being peoples thoughts on being involved with someone from my workplace, even though I know every workplace is different so that might be harder to answer
I'm not currently in a workplace so I can't talk from my own present experience but I'd imagine there would be a few raised eyebrows at the age gap (I would think it'd be there even if the roles were reversed). But your workplace... well that's hard to say really as we don't know the environment. I'm sure that's a unique set of circumstances. Some places might frown on it depending on the power dynamics at play, and that in turn could foster resentment amongst your coworkers. But without more specifics it's hard to comment.

I'm not going to comment on my opinion if it were my child, as that is really between your OH and his family, and you seem to be fully aware of the optics of all of this and implications for all involved. Yet again the dynamic of your OH's family is unique to them.

[Cinquecento]

If one of my sons dated someone older I think I'd be initially surprised but wouldnt be overly be bother (once it was a healthy caring relationship).

One of my school mates in school when he was 19-20 started going out with a woman over twice his age. They are still together and they seem to be a happy couple.

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Same with the President of France. Except he was 15 and his now wife a mother of three in her late 30s. Very creepy but surprisingly little reaction. If the position were reversed there’d be outcry.

[DazedandConfused]

Do you think? I reckon there would be more disaproval where the woman is older

[CockChoker]

I would not like that for my sons.

[tel]

Do you think? I reckon there would be more disaproval where the woman is older

i think this is definitely the case