heymammy.com

Regular gone anon.

We have been doing up DS (16) room recently and I had noticed a second phone lying around.
I picked it up this morning. It wasn't locked - no pin.
There are 5 or 6 photos on it most of which are a girl posing in cropped top and shorts but the
most recent one is a full topless.

I fell we need to raise it with him around scams, breaking the law, consent , respect etc.
The second phone thing concerns me as it makes it more sinister although he has in no way tried to conceal the phone.

DH is off a view that I can't admit to looking through his phone.

Since he turned 16 in the summer we have relaxed the no phone upstairs rule.

Would really appreciate any advice on best way to approach.

Have a direct talk with him - he is 16 not 21. A second phone is unusual - tell him you saw it and looked at it as you know it is not his phone and saw photos on it that have you concerned and take it from there. Don't over think talking to him - seeing a phone that you know is not his and checking it out is perfectly normal for a parent of a 16-year-old to do. You have done nothing wrong and it has flagged up concerns you need to discuss with him.

He is 16 - still needs his parents to run interference when they come across something unusual and still needs parents to talk about scams, consent photos of teens and the potential legal implications for sharing these.

His age is very important here and will determine how you respond. If he was over 18yr, out of school then not really your business but he is 16 yrs. Would deal with it exactly as the good advice that Novbaby31 gave.

agree with Novbaby31 and he knows himself its a bit dodgy or he wouldve had it on his own phone! Also i would check that the phone was bought by him and not given to him by anyone else especially if this girl isnt a friend of his. Dont need him to get caught up in anything at that age (or any age actually)

hope the chat goes well, just tell him you all have to be open and honest.

I hope you told your dh that admitting to looking at his phone is the least of your worries , very tough situation to be in , would you have a chat with your local community Garda ?

Keep the conversation practical too. He shouldn't be storing those photos, even if they were just innocent fooling around. You accessed them easily. If he lost that phone they'd be out in the world for anyone to share FOREVER! So he might warn the girl too.

Oh this parenting lark is hard going in the digital world. Just chat with him, it's all natural enough stage of life, just need to educate him.

DiscoGirl wrote: ↑Tue Sep 26, 2023 12:24 pm I hope you told your dh that admitting to looking at his phone is the least of your worries , very tough situation to be in , would you have a chat with your local community Garda ?

A 16 year old boy has pics of a girl in a crop top and one topless one. It's not what you'd class hardcore pornography
I'm not really getting the need for a chat with the local community Garda? Why? Am I missing something?
I think Nov21's advice is really useful. He may have been sent them by a girl he knows /is seeing? .The second phone needs an explanation and definitely a serious chat re sharing intimiate images online etc.
But I wouldn't be jumping to mad conclusions and consulting a Garda because my 16 yr old son had a picture of a topless girl on his phone. I would be talking to my son.

Can u check texts/messages etc to see if anything else going on with the second phone? What else the phone is being used for would be of greater concern to me. Were the photos sent to him or downloaded from a site?

Have checked the phone and there is no SIM and other texts /messages ( unless he as hidden the SIM separately.)

The photos are photos taken from another phone ( I assume his own.)

Burner wrote: ↑Tue Sep 26, 2023 1:41 pm Have checked the phone and there is no SIM and other texts /messages ( unless he as hidden the SIM separately.)

The photos are photos taken from another phone ( I assume his own.)

How has his behaviour been otherwise - has he been out more at night, leaving house in a rush, more secretive, etc. it could ‘just’ be innocent porn but the second, Burner phone could be cause for concern.

It's just connected to your WiFi I take it?
Any idea where he got it?
Is it a new phone?

We live rurally so being out of the house etc is very much restricted unless we leave/drop.
He has his moments - moody vs great form but no particular change that I have noted.

I think the phone is an old one from the house that he used as a burner phone in the Gaeltacht.

Will take it out with him this evening. Whoever said this parenting lark is not easy is spot on.

Burner wrote:Have checked the phone and there is no SIM and other texts /messages ( unless he as hidden the SIM separately.)

The photos are photos taken from another phone ( I assume his own.)

How were the photos sent from the original phone to this one? All very odd to have a second phone at all. Would definitely start with talking to him.

Novbaby31 wrote: ↑Tue Sep 26, 2023 11:34 am Have a direct talk with him - he is 16 not 21. A second phone is unusual - tell him you saw it and looked at it as you know it is not his phone and saw photos on it that have you concerned and take it from there. Don't over think talking to him - seeing a phone that you know is not his and checking it out is perfectly normal for a parent of a 16-year-old to do. You have done nothing wrong and it has flagged up concerns you need to discuss with him.

He is 16 - still needs his parents to run interference when they come across something unusual and still needs parents to talk about scams, consent photos of teens and the potential legal implications for sharing these.

Exactly how I’d approach it.

Just to add, if your lad is anything like my lad he’d go the route of “the best defence is a good offence” and start with the “how dare you invade my privacy blah blah blah”.
I’d deal with that with a swift “oi, hold on a sec, you’re 16 and have pics of a topless girl on your second burner phone, you don’t get to be offended here! We’ll deal with that issue separately”

Lots to unpick there with him… second hidden phone, exchanging naked/topless photos, did he get them direct from girl, has he forwarded them to anyone, does he know the girl, has he sent photos to her and if he doesn’t know her how does he know he’s exchanging with that girl and not some randomer? Or he could be opening himself up to blackmail for more pics (there have been warning ads about that), … what age is the girl, if under 16 discussion around possession of child pornography etc etc etc.

Wouldn’t be involving guards, this is just a routine parenting discussion, even if a little awkward or difficult.

I’ll put my house on it that he’ll say it is a friends phone.

Is there a chance he used a second phone because he didn’t want you seeing it. Do u check his own phone?