That sounds so tough but it’s not uncommon. Would you give the guidance Counsellor who saw her originally a call to arrange an appointment? Often someone more removed from the situation can reason a bit easier with her to see what she does want.
My dd (also a high achiever) only wanted the course she got.now going into second year, loves the course but doubting the area/environment she’ll be working in. It is very frustrating!
I think if she can start the course to give it a chance, it would be a big help in her decision.
CAO drama
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It has probably been said already, but even though you can’t physically make her go, but because she has no other plan in place, I’d insist that she give the course a go for a month. I think she ought to at least do that.
If she doesn’t like it, she can look at her options then. Doing nothing now shouldn’t be an option.
I wonder did she do much better points wise than she thought she would, and put that course down thinking she wouldn’t get it?
I’m just trying to understand her mindset.
If she doesn’t like it, she can look at her options then. Doing nothing now shouldn’t be an option.
I wonder did she do much better points wise than she thought she would, and put that course down thinking she wouldn’t get it?
I’m just trying to understand her mindset.
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Nothing new to add to the other posters but I wouldn't assume that she will be in the same place next year ie not knowing what to do.
To achieve 600 + points requires a level of focus that doesnt allow you to think about anything else, she may well be confused and a period of time without the pressure of the LC may help her understand what her interests are.
On a practical level, do you have accommodation sorted, going by the other thread if she is late accepting her offer, it might be harder to get accomodation adding to her stress and yours.
To achieve 600 + points requires a level of focus that doesnt allow you to think about anything else, she may well be confused and a period of time without the pressure of the LC may help her understand what her interests are.
On a practical level, do you have accommodation sorted, going by the other thread if she is late accepting her offer, it might be harder to get accomodation adding to her stress and yours.
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I would give her all the space she needs and encourage her to take a year out if that is what she wants.
I'm not condoning what she said, but she has worked hard and she deserves a break if that is what she wants. It's different if it were a teen who has lazed around for a few years and didn't get any courses. She has worked very hard to achieve 600+ points and I would not worry about her hanging around doing nothing.
Her 600+ points will still be there next year and she has so many options. The decision she will make could have a huge impact on the rest of her life and I would give her all the time she needs to work out what she wants to do.
I'm not condoning what she said, but she has worked hard and she deserves a break if that is what she wants. It's different if it were a teen who has lazed around for a few years and didn't get any courses. She has worked very hard to achieve 600+ points and I would not worry about her hanging around doing nothing.
Her 600+ points will still be there next year and she has so many options. The decision she will make could have a huge impact on the rest of her life and I would give her all the time she needs to work out what she wants to do.
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Just discussed this with Dh, and he reminded me of the drama with ds2. He got a second round offer of his dream course something he never thought he would get. I was over the moon, then he announced he'd prefer not to take and go with his first round offer. I nearly lost my mind.
Dh stepped in and I completely withdrew from the process. It took a couple of days but ds2 eventually accepted the second round offer.
Not the same thing I know but if your dh could step in and you withdraw from the process it might be easier.
I was just too close to it all.
Dh stepped in and I completely withdrew from the process. It took a couple of days but ds2 eventually accepted the second round offer.
Not the same thing I know but if your dh could step in and you withdraw from the process it might be easier.
I was just too close to it all.
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I really appreciate the time that everyone has taken to respond to this. I really think I've raised an unselfish and entitled madam. When in fact all we've done as parents is actually provided her with every great opportunity going and maybe we were not tough enough when she was younger but unfortunately I can't change that now.
I will be giving her aunt to call again tomorrow and asking her if she can possibly intervene again. So we are at the stage where she has or so I'm told accepted the course. So obviously now we have to wait and see if we get an accommodation offer, and from reading some of the other threads I don't know if she has jeopardized this now by taking so long to accept her offer. If so she announced that if she doesn't get campus accommodation her exact words were "she can't be arsed," to find something else. I have sorted a temporary accommodation for 6 to 8 weeks with a colleague of mine and hopefully during this time she could possibly find a flat/house share. She told me there was no way she was doing this. The second issue that was raised was if she does get campus accommodation, I explain to her that she cannot take the car to Dublin as there will be no parking available to any students who live on campus. This then became a major issue. It was like OMG I can't possibly take public transport. At this stage I don't know if she's actually just deliberately choosing an argument with me no matter what I say she's being an absolute b**** of the highest order. I'm almost ashamed to call her my daughter. I'm at the stage where I wish she would just take a one way ticket out of home.
from a college point of view I actually don't care what she does to be honest. She has enough points if she wants to reapply next year and do something she wants but it is just the shocking attitude. I would just like her to have the common courtesy to have a proper discussion about it. I'm just so hurt by how disrespectful she is. How she is so self entitled.
I will be giving her aunt to call again tomorrow and asking her if she can possibly intervene again. So we are at the stage where she has or so I'm told accepted the course. So obviously now we have to wait and see if we get an accommodation offer, and from reading some of the other threads I don't know if she has jeopardized this now by taking so long to accept her offer. If so she announced that if she doesn't get campus accommodation her exact words were "she can't be arsed," to find something else. I have sorted a temporary accommodation for 6 to 8 weeks with a colleague of mine and hopefully during this time she could possibly find a flat/house share. She told me there was no way she was doing this. The second issue that was raised was if she does get campus accommodation, I explain to her that she cannot take the car to Dublin as there will be no parking available to any students who live on campus. This then became a major issue. It was like OMG I can't possibly take public transport. At this stage I don't know if she's actually just deliberately choosing an argument with me no matter what I say she's being an absolute b**** of the highest order. I'm almost ashamed to call her my daughter. I'm at the stage where I wish she would just take a one way ticket out of home.
from a college point of view I actually don't care what she does to be honest. She has enough points if she wants to reapply next year and do something she wants but it is just the shocking attitude. I would just like her to have the common courtesy to have a proper discussion about it. I'm just so hurt by how disrespectful she is. How she is so self entitled.
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I would give her the space to sort herself out. Her attitude is not good and very disrespectful towards you. She's gotten the points so I think with the way that she is behaving - a year out would do her the world of good. She can then decide what she really wants to do. The world is her oyster but she needs to have some respect for you as her mother. So I think you've done all that you can to help and guide - leave her calm down and hopefully she will see the wood from the trees then.
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If this isn’t usual for her it could well be anxiety. It can caused someone to be negative about everything. It’s like a mountain she is trying to climb but not sure she wants too so is making every excuse as it’s easier that way.
Now maybe she is being a madam too and only you know what she is usually like.
Now maybe she is being a madam too and only you know what she is usually like.
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I would give her the space to sort herself out.
I think you should distance yourself from the situation. You should not get involved in any conversations about the course, accommodation, car, etc. Let her sort these out herself and come to her own decisions.
I think you should distance yourself from the situation. You should not get involved in any conversations about the course, accommodation, car, etc. Let her sort these out herself and come to her own decisions.
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Is there something else going on that predates the LC results?
If she will talk to other people but not you, did this major fall out between ye just appear out of nothing? Or was she already bearing some resentment towards you about something else?
Where is her Dad in all this, has he tried to engage her on topic and what was the result?
She’s being hugely immature and bitchy with it, so beyond asking her aunt t9 have another chat with her I’d step back.
Who does she think is going to pay for college and support her when she is there? I imagine she expects you to fork out for all the college expenses and yet be a total bitch to you? That’s really not on.
You won’t be able to do right for doing wrong in her eyes, so I’d leave her now to figure it out.
If she will talk to other people but not you, did this major fall out between ye just appear out of nothing? Or was she already bearing some resentment towards you about something else?
Where is her Dad in all this, has he tried to engage her on topic and what was the result?
She’s being hugely immature and bitchy with it, so beyond asking her aunt t9 have another chat with her I’d step back.
Who does she think is going to pay for college and support her when she is there? I imagine she expects you to fork out for all the college expenses and yet be a total bitch to you? That’s really not on.
You won’t be able to do right for doing wrong in her eyes, so I’d leave her now to figure it out.
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This, step back, let her get on with whatever she is or isn't going to do.
It's up to her to sort herself out. She will see all her classmates heading off to their various colleges and will know she has to do it herself.
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My friend told me that they have to get like this at this age so that we are glad for them to leave the nest. He said that if they stayed cute and lovely like babies then we would never leave them go, you have to get to this stage so you are happy to see the back of them, otherwise it would be too painful. Circle of life 
One way or another a decision will be made in the next week or two. Just mind yourself, and that’s all you can do.
One way or another a decision will be made in the next week or two. Just mind yourself, and that’s all you can do.
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Just to add and not to excuse her behaviour. I think this group of late teenagers are still feeling the effects of Covid and lockdowns. They missed out on a huge chunk of time to gradually mature and move away from us. My own pair are far too dependent on our opinion and guidance compared to their older brothers and then blow their tops when something isn’t exactly how they imagined. I really think their childhood has been overextended by a long period of being at home with us and missing out on important formative experiences.
Again, not excusing it but trying to figure out her reactions.
Again, not excusing it but trying to figure out her reactions.
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This.Radar wrote: ↑Mon Sep 04, 2023 10:44 am Just to add and not to excuse her behaviour. I think this group of late teenagers are still feeling the effects of Covid and lockdowns. They missed out on a huge chunk of time to gradually mature and move away from us. My own pair are far too dependent on our opinion and guidance compared to their older brothers and then blow their tops when something isn’t exactly how they imagined. I really think their childhood has been overextended by a long period of being at home with us and missing out on important formative experiences.
Again, not excusing it but trying to figure out her reactions.
Students are a lot more anxious and less sure of themselves than previously. We see this at third-level. It's very understandable as they missed out on some of their teen years during the pandemic.
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Hopefully she is just nervous about going out into the big bad world and will come round, in the meantime you take care of yourself. They can be so bloody hurtful and especially when you know you did everything to help them out. Guidance, education, money etc..... the list is endless. My own DD can have this attitude where she imagines the way something is going to be and when its not she cannot cope. Also she tends to want to back out of a situation that calls for a bit of bravery and resilience as she is afraid she is going to fail. And its always our fault for pushing her into it. Maybe this is what the underlying cause of this behaviour is...but at the end of the day we all need to be respected.