Anyone else dealing with a child who got their first preference and now not want it. It's all DD ever talked about and now she doesn't want it. I don't know if she is panicking or what.
I can't talk to her, she says it is what I want. However I only want her to be happy.she cannot see the wood from the trees. She thinks it's all over. She's very headstrong.we have never been able to have conversations.
I need to get her best friend to talk with her.
She has over 600 points.i just don't know what to do or say.
Has anyone else been through this, really looking for advice.
How feasible is it to switch courses within university.
As far as she is concerned it is all my fault.
CAO drama
Re: CAO drama
I don’t think you need to get her friend to talk to her, if she wants to talk to her, she can sort that herself.
I’d do nothing further, give your DD time to think herself what she wants to don- whether that is to try and defer, don’t accept the course and work for this wear and re-apply next year. Whatever she feels she wants to do. Just suggest she comes up with a plan of how she moves forward and let her make a decision.
I’d do nothing further, give your DD time to think herself what she wants to don- whether that is to try and defer, don’t accept the course and work for this wear and re-apply next year. Whatever she feels she wants to do. Just suggest she comes up with a plan of how she moves forward and let her make a decision.
Re: CAO drama
I agree. This time of year is so fraught and tense.
Let her sleep on it.
There are options: take it and see. I mean she must have seen some merit in it to put in number 1, no?
Defer and reapply next year, doing a PLC or taking a job in the meantime.
Approaching the university once she has accepted to ask can she change. (Note that this is not at all a guarantee of success as most courses are full. You're relying on someone dropping out and a place becoming available..).on the plus side, there is usually a few weeks of college where a student an withdraw and get your money back. That way she could try the course and leave if she hates it.
Let her sleep on it.
There are options: take it and see. I mean she must have seen some merit in it to put in number 1, no?
Defer and reapply next year, doing a PLC or taking a job in the meantime.
Approaching the university once she has accepted to ask can she change. (Note that this is not at all a guarantee of success as most courses are full. You're relying on someone dropping out and a place becoming available..).on the plus side, there is usually a few weeks of college where a student an withdraw and get your money back. That way she could try the course and leave if she hates it.
Re: CAO drama
She could do the year and then look to switch. Depends on what she wants to switch to though etc. However I'm not sure how that affects fees
Re: CAO drama
I wouldn’t waste time talking about this particular course then, if she won’t talk to you.
But, what you need is just get her to listen for two minutes. No disussion (that she doesn’t want), just listen.
Tell her it doesn’t put you up, down or sideways if she takes this course or not. It’s 100% up to her.
Remind her that as she has over 600 points she has lots of options.
No decision needs to be made today.
She needs to sleep on it.
And sleep on it again.
Chat with friends if needs be. Or counsellor in school etc.
Sleep on it again if she wants.
She will land on either of two places when she calms down.
1) she wants the course after all, happy days. Accept and off she goes.
2) she absolutely DOESNT want the course. Fine. She can defer and with those points she will have loads of options next year. She can travel, or just relax after all the study (and with those marks she worked hard), or do PLC, or…..
But there are so many options open for her.
Good luck. Hope she calms down and can eventually see the wood for through the trees.
But, what you need is just get her to listen for two minutes. No disussion (that she doesn’t want), just listen.
Tell her it doesn’t put you up, down or sideways if she takes this course or not. It’s 100% up to her.
Remind her that as she has over 600 points she has lots of options.
No decision needs to be made today.
She needs to sleep on it.
And sleep on it again.
Chat with friends if needs be. Or counsellor in school etc.
Sleep on it again if she wants.
She will land on either of two places when she calms down.
1) she wants the course after all, happy days. Accept and off she goes.
2) she absolutely DOESNT want the course. Fine. She can defer and with those points she will have loads of options next year. She can travel, or just relax after all the study (and with those marks she worked hard), or do PLC, or…..
But there are so many options open for her.
Good luck. Hope she calms down and can eventually see the wood for through the trees.
Re: CAO drama
Agree with above. She sounds like she is just a bit all over the place.
Yes she can change within the college provided she has the points for the course but it's not a given.
She has a few days before she has to accept the place, say nothing, don't react and let her come to you. It could all look different in a few days.
Yes she can change within the college provided she has the points for the course but it's not a given.
She has a few days before she has to accept the place, say nothing, don't react and let her come to you. It could all look different in a few days.
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Re: CAO drama
It could be panic or maybe because she is so bright she felt that she should go for a high point course.
Like above I would suggest she try it if she does not have a plan b, she might love the college life and grow to love the course, she might drop out and reapply next year or transfer within the college.
She has an amazing LC and nothing will change that. About 50% of kids get their first choice which means that loads start courses they had not intended to do.
It's really hard on you to watch this after she has done so well.
Like above I would suggest she try it if she does not have a plan b, she might love the college life and grow to love the course, she might drop out and reapply next year or transfer within the college.
She has an amazing LC and nothing will change that. About 50% of kids get their first choice which means that loads start courses they had not intended to do.
It's really hard on you to watch this after she has done so well.
Re: CAO drama
Good advice above.
If it is feasible she could start and drop out by oct 31st if she hates it. One of ds’s friends did that and is now going back to do a different course as they realised their number 1 wasn’t what they wanted. They worked for the year.
This may not be feasible with accommodation etc though.
One year out wont make a difference. No rush on getting that degree at all.
Sometimes teens who are bright feel expected to go one way..it can be from the school etc or friends . When away from school they realise this isn’t what they want. And that’s ok.
She is blaming you as she wants someone else to blame. I think I would say it’s not my fault, it’s no one’s fault. It was her cao so her doing but I wouldn’t be telling her that! Or engage in arguments.
Good luck!
If it is feasible she could start and drop out by oct 31st if she hates it. One of ds’s friends did that and is now going back to do a different course as they realised their number 1 wasn’t what they wanted. They worked for the year.
This may not be feasible with accommodation etc though.
One year out wont make a difference. No rush on getting that degree at all.
Sometimes teens who are bright feel expected to go one way..it can be from the school etc or friends . When away from school they realise this isn’t what they want. And that’s ok.
She is blaming you as she wants someone else to blame. I think I would say it’s not my fault, it’s no one’s fault. It was her cao so her doing but I wouldn’t be telling her that! Or engage in arguments.
Good luck!
Last edited by Rita on Wed Aug 30, 2023 8:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: CAO drama
She should accept the course anyway to keep her options open. If she will listen to reason, she could start the course (she should have a number of weeks - probably until end October - during which she could drop out at no cost) and see if she likes it and in parallel try for a transfer into another course if she prefers.
Re: CAO drama
Very good advice above.
There is a lot to be said for taking a year out. Her points will still be there next year. It would really give her a chance to think about what she would like to do. She has so many options and she has her whole life ahead of her.
There is a lot to be said for taking a year out. Her points will still be there next year. It would really give her a chance to think about what she would like to do. She has so many options and she has her whole life ahead of her.
Re: CAO drama
I’d advise her to take a year out, go work for a year and figure out what she does really want to do.
Re: CAO drama
Does she have another course in mind?
I’ve actually noticed it myself though with some very intelligent and high achieving students, they put all their focus in 6th year into getting 600 points, getting H1s, studying non stop, they don’t give the CAO the consideration it needs. Maybe she was overwhelmed by it all during the year.
I would ignore what she is saying about it being your fault. She is angry and stressed and lashing out.
And yes she can accept it and then switch courses. I would offer her baby steps like that. Find out her reasons for the sudden U turn. She might be just very overwhelmed.
Give her a day or 2 and she’ll talk to you. I sometimes resort to texting my dd when I know she won’t/can’t talk to me. She’s usually furiously typing within seconds…
I’ve actually noticed it myself though with some very intelligent and high achieving students, they put all their focus in 6th year into getting 600 points, getting H1s, studying non stop, they don’t give the CAO the consideration it needs. Maybe she was overwhelmed by it all during the year.
I would ignore what she is saying about it being your fault. She is angry and stressed and lashing out.
And yes she can accept it and then switch courses. I would offer her baby steps like that. Find out her reasons for the sudden U turn. She might be just very overwhelmed.
Give her a day or 2 and she’ll talk to you. I sometimes resort to texting my dd when I know she won’t/can’t talk to me. She’s usually furiously typing within seconds…
Re: CAO drama
She may be able to switch courses within the university. Contact their admissions office.
Re: CAO drama
She can reapply to the CAO next year. And work for the year. Might be the making if her.
God love you tho. It's a very difficult time for you and challenging to navigate. It will work out.
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God love you tho. It's a very difficult time for you and challenging to navigate. It will work out.
Sent from my SM-A536B using Tapatalk
Re: CAO drama
It’s so hard for her and for you. It’s such a fraught and exhausting time in all sorts of ways. And she has done fantastically!
A year out could be really great to help her figure out what she wants but there is no rush on deciding just yet. I’d suggest she think about it for a few days. She has until Tuesday to accept and then until October if she wants that option.
Schools don’t love promoting gap years but it would be great if more did because it would help legitimise options other than going straight ahead with something they are not very sure about.
A year out could be really great to help her figure out what she wants but there is no rush on deciding just yet. I’d suggest she think about it for a few days. She has until Tuesday to accept and then until October if she wants that option.
Schools don’t love promoting gap years but it would be great if more did because it would help legitimise options other than going straight ahead with something they are not very sure about.