Read something I shouldn't have

[HeyJude]

Exactly Cocorose. We've all been there while the "usual suspect" rants on about someone..(.I'm picturing a person right now), and while people mostly are making affirmative actions, they are also catching one another's eye and doing a bit of eye rolling.

In the light of day and with some sleep behind me, this sounds like something that the OP should just move on from. Maybe "drop" Mary, go have fun with your other friends and be thankful you made a lucky escape. If anyone asks why you've dropped Mary, then a simple explanation is best e.g. you heard back from some people that she was talking about you in a horrible way and you need to distance yourself from that.

I'm trying to imagine if I would write personal stuff in something I keep in work but I guess I might, though would at least take it home every night or lock it in a desk...I think I'd also notice that it was missing very quickly.

I don't fully agree with keeping work and friends separate... sometimes the best of friends are made in work.

[tea]

I can see how this would happen, esp if the colleague clearly is someone who shares her problems; she might not see it as "weird" to write in a work diary so she has an immediate outlet.
I have to admit, if I saw writing like that, I would flick through. Maybe I am just nosy. Then if I saw my name, I would absolutely read it!
It must be very hurtful esp given you gave her support when she needed it. Maybe she is sort of embarrassed or guilty and instead of owning that, she is "blaming" you
Either way, it isn't nice, and I would distance myself from her.
If she asks why, I would say that you are aware that she might not feel the same way about the friendship you do. She will ask why, and I would counter with: well, is that true to say?
She may deny it or admit it. Either way, she will know you know.
I would approach the other friend very carefully. You don't know the lay of the land. Once distanced from Mary you could admit that ye are not as close and it upsets you but you don't think she felt the same way aboit you as you did about her. This is a chance for that person to come clean.
If they don't, well then it is your call as to whether that continues
You probably know Mary well enough to know if she is the type to bitch to anyone about anyone (likely she has bitched to you in the past) or if it was a collaborative effort between Mary and the other woman.
That's my take on it.

[HeyJude]

I forgot to mention that if I opened something and saw my name mentioned I too would have a read...of course I would...it's no harm at all to know where you stand with people.

[Groucho]

Anybody would! Perfectly normal human curiosity.

[Rita]

Sometimes people think differently about a friend ship. I know someone who would describe herself as a rock to another person. As she feels she supports her. The other person thinks they talk about them to other people and she is right in a way as they do. Not in a bad way as actually she is very kind , I mean they mean no badness but the other one is very private.
Not saying that it’s the case here but perhaps Mary never thought of you the way you think she does. Which is upsetting.
I would just move away from her and as for your other friends, well like others have said we often hear people give out about someone and just kept quiet. Not wanting to be involved. It doesn’t mean we agree. And you just gave Mary’s view point as the other friend may have not engaged at all.

Btw this is like stuff my teen daughter would say ..mary sounds like a teen . They tend to do things without thinking..like writing stuff like that down and 5 mins later forgetting they thought it.

[Dnwa]

In my bad times I journal and find it so important to do so , I write and express as if nobody is reading it so this could be the case. Was it wrote in a time when her mental health was so bad that mainly were it came from ?

Regardless of what was wrote and how it was found how is the friendship?
While you're giving 100 % what is she giving?
Is it all one sided ?
Does she use people ?

[SarahBC]

I don’t journal, write things down etc. but I think if I was the type to do this and had to vent about a person on paper, I would certainly not use their name, maybe a pseudo name or an initial.

Don’t get me wrong, I do give out about people - but in my head for 2min if they annoy me but absolutely would not write it down and use their name.

[CocoRose]

I'm not really saying keep work and friendship separate. I just think being a rock to a colleague with MH issues is intense. In saying that, I've been a confidante to colleagues through a major life stress, it just didn't ever feel too intense and we are not in daily-friend contact. I'm nearly two decades in the same work place weddings, family funerals, illness, milestones but like to steer clear of any bullshit or cliques.

[NellyNoggin]

I would take a photo and send it to Mary and say 'I brought your work diary home instead of mine and this is what I saw when I opened it. Wtf Mary, I thought we were friends'.

I wouldn't say anything to the other friends, but if asked I would be honest and tell them what happened. If you don't do that then Mary will probably spread bullshit about you.

[anon76]

thank you all. We work in the same firm but not together. It is a huge multi national. We were close friends before she started work there. My charger was not working that day. I called to her to borrow hers as she lives quite close to me and I was too lazy to go to the office - big mistake

On reflection and knowing Mary, if she knew I read it, she would go into damage limitation. She would blame me for reading it, tell everyone I went snooping etc......She messaged last night to ask if I am ok as she is "worried" she has not heard from me and I have not responded on the tread. There are 4 of us on the thread and they are organizing a trip away and I said no.

[Dnwa]

Really the ball is in your court , I personally would need to have the conversation , If I didnt have the conversation it would eat me up and later down the road cause more trouble as any little negitive from their side would be magnified a million .

Your issue here is how people see you and you don't want her or anyone else thinking negativeof you , She can say what she wants you know your truth and you be firm in it , If you did do something wrong her level of language about you was completely unacceptable and eggerated to what had happened .
Your other friend will know what she is like and know what you are like so that should be enough .
They could have also told her she is wrong or just not had an opinion when she ranted , because she brought it to them they will know your not lying.

You are remorseful in how you got this information but equally devastated and hurt ,

I would confide in mutual friend to get her prospective as she heard what was said which could have been totally washed down by the time there conversation was ended this will give you more information on how you should proceed further with Mary

[NellyNoggin]

So you still have her diary? She must know that you've read it and weren't snooping as you brought it home accidentally.

[Overthere]

It must be hard to read something hateful about yourself. I have to say I would distance myself from Mary. Be more unavailable. It doesn't sound like it is a balanced friendship. How well do you know the others in the group?

[Elsie]

if they are inviting you away then it proves that IF Mary has said stuff about you then they didnt believe her or as someone said previously rolled their eyes and let it go. That they are happy to be friends with you, so dont cut off your nose to spite your face. But do distance yourself from Mary if you can. Only see her when you are in group and avoid one to one.

[anon76]

Nelly, I do not have her diary. I had to bring charger up and her son was there to let me in. She wasn't there. I left it where I found it and ran ! I am very close to the other girl on thread. Her and Mary have become close in recent months - actually encouraged by me as they have a hobby in common, which I have no interest in. I am meeting this other girl for a coffee tomorrow. She knows something is off.