Read something I shouldn't have

[anon76]

I did update

"As predicted - Mary knows I read it. She put two and two together. She has now told the other in the group that I went snooping and found it and read it. They are all disgusted with me. They do not know the content though. I just do not know what to do...devastated"

She told them that she journals to process her emotions, etc.etc....Her spin is that I went rummaging for it. How could I? Why would I? She is now "ill with the stress" etc....therefore, I am the bad guy.

I'll let the other girl process it for a while. She knows me 20 years ffs and we have been through so much and has to know I wouldn't deliberately snoop at a friend's diary. I am really struggling myself and just want to try and get through the next few days

[Apple]

So who told you all of this-Mary or one of the others?

[elizaDoo]

Why would you let the other girls process it. Send them all a text or phone them with the truth and explain the situation. Let her spin it all she wants, at the end of the day you know exactly how she feels about it...journalling or diary, she isn't a friend.

[Vino]

Why are you letting Mary dictate the narrative? If I was in this situation I’d be making sure everyone at least had the full facts. The situation can’t get any worse so I don’t know why you aren’t trying to make it better. You’ve nothing to lose by the sounds of it.

[Vino]

I can't think of any long term friend I have who under any circumstance would believe sh!t about me from a third party. Even if they saw evidence I believe they would still believe there had to be mitigating factors and would give me the benefit of the doubt as I would them.

Who has told you your friend is angry with you?

[jammymammy]

This is a nonsense

[Rita]

Why wouldn’t you tell your friends. Sure if you say nothing they only have Mary’s side to go on?
Did they tell you they are disgusted with you? Honestly if that was two of my friends I would most likely avoid getting involved. Then again we don’t tend to have energy for dramas now thankfully.

[farmer me]

I hate drama. I'd just text the other members of the group, say what happened and say you want to put it all behind you.

[Groucho]

Just ring them and explain. If you've known one of them that long and you have no previous form in all that time as a sneaky, rummaging, diary-reading troublemaker, then I'd have to think she'll realise that maybe there's more to this than meets the eye.

If you don't, then this Mary person is controlling the narrative and with nothing to balance it from your end, they'll all have no choice only to assume what she's saying is correct.

Honestly though. I don't get a group of middle-aged women writing shite like this in diaries and turning friends against friends. It is puerile. If your friends choose to believe this Mary, then I think you're well shot of the whole lot of them. This is no way to carry on.

[Sally]

I did update

"As predicted - Mary knows I read it. She put two and two together. She has now told the other in the group that I went snooping and found it and read it. They are all disgusted with me. They do not know the content though. I just do not know what to do...devastated"

She told them that she journals to process her emotions, etc.etc....Her spin is that I went rummaging for it. How could I? Why would I? She is now "ill with the stress" etc....therefore, I am the bad guy.

I'll let the other girl process it for a while. She knows me 20 years ffs and we have been through so much and has to know I wouldn't deliberately snoop at a friend's diary. I am really struggling myself and just want to try and get through the next few days

I saw that, but how do you know what she told them and what they think?
That would determine some of the advice on next steps.

Eg, if a message was put into the group text by Mary and then the others also replied their disgust via text… that’s one scenario with one set of advice.

If however Mary texted to say “you’re a rotten oul meanie and I’ve told the other two ladies and they hate you too” well, then that’s a different scenario that warrants different advice. (teenage language deliberate as this all sounds so teenagery );

If the way you know something was said was because one of the other ladies texted to say “Mary told me what you did, I’m disgusspted”, then that’s a different scenario again, with different advice needed.

That’s the point I’m making.
You’ve come back with these short little updates, without giving the full story asking for advice.
IMO, you will get more mean8ngful advice if you provide a fuller view of exactly what’s going on.
That’s all.

[Carmella]

So you were a bit off with her and immediately jumped to ‘you read my diary didn’t you?’

That’s a bit of a leap isn’t it?

If that is what happened then you have been set up. She wrote and left it there on purpose so she could ‘Helen’ you. You need to clear your name, but I think the friendships are over now. There is so much information missing but it looks like she has successfully ousted you from the group.

[Scotty]

What do the others think was written in the diary? Or did Mary leave that out and just say you were snooping and read her diary? Btw I feel like I’m 16 years old typing that out

[janeymac]

I simply don't believe one word of this story.

The op in first post said that Mary wrote horrible things about her and also said in her diary she had spoken to their friends about op. So, last weekend, notwithstanding Mary having spoken ill of op to the friends, they were all still friends and heading out this weekend. Op says she called to Mary's house for 'work stuff' and they have the same work diary and she took it 'instead'. Instead of what? Op then said she was actually picking up a charger and then found the diary in her bag when she came home... So apparently, she went to collect a charger and somehow lifted a diary and put it in her bag? Really? How?

Then she opened the first page which was all about her and also said Mary had talked to her friends about op... All on the first page.... Then op returns the diary-Mary conveniently isn't at home but her son lets her colleague into her empty office.... Diary is returned, op devastated so says she is sick for the weekend date. And seemingly this isn't plausible... one friend is 'reaching out' knows something is up as does Mary..... Why? And then Mary has put two and two together (!) and knows op has read the diary and then got on to all friends who are now disgusted with op Including the close friend of 20 years who has been out to a few gigs with Mary and Co in the last year but is now close friends with Mary. And I suppose they contacted the op to let her know... So a group of friends all got contacted by one of them with awful allegations about another friend. And they take them as truth!


And this is all this week! These are working women. Mary has at least a son and op says she has kids too. Who has the time for this drama in a working week? What grown women behave like this?

I honestly think another poster has it right. These type of stories about women ring a bell for me.

[CockChoker]

By not informing the other women of your side of it just makes you look guilty of whatever Mary has told them.

[SpottyLotty]

Thank you all. I returned the diary. Mary does not know I read it. I was able to return it discreetly. I do not know what was said by Mary to my good friend. This friend has reached out as she knows something is up with me. This friend avoids drama/gossip at all times so I am perplexed as to what was said to be honest. She is very fond of Mary so I do not want to drag her into anything. Also I feel "grubby" for reading someone's diary even though it was a mistake and I saw my name

I haven't read al nine pages of replies......

Here's my tuppence worth, returning the diary directly to Mary instead of discreetly and saying "I accidentally picked this up the other day with my belongings" would have been a good opportunity to address the situation. You could have said "I opened to check whose it was because I didn't recognise it as mine and when I saw my name on the first page I read it" Mary will either go off on one at you or appologise and explain why she wrote it.
I think you were right to decline to go on the meet up, it's very hard to be in everyones company all the while thinking "Do they all feel the same way"

I know for me I do most things on my own now because of a situation where one person who doesn't even know me bad mouthed me to all the other parents when my DD was starting school, with the result I was never invited to any of the coffee mornings, nights out, get to know each other events etc........Did it hurt, sure as hell did and stil does but do I need people in my life who will believe anything they're told without checking facts, No I don't.