Strange query

[Holly88]

Goodness Shining that is so hard. Will keep you in my prayers that you find him and get a settlement. Have you got a solicitor?

[HeyJude]

Sadly the guards won't help with maintenance, unless there's an arrest warrant and I need to get him into court first. I know how crazy that sounds.
I doubt they would do anything about the bigamy. It's not like he tried to get married again here. I've heard people just deny it and it's accepted (some countries won't engage with guards).

If his new wife is from a country outside the EU how has she got permission to travel to Ireland? She would need a visa, either as his wife or on her own? Is there a possibility of visa or immigration fraud, something that is taken seriously. It doesn't matter if the other country ignores bigamy or even polygamy, it is illegal here and he is breaking the law by living here with her, especially if he applied for a visa for her as his wife.

Is there any organisation that can advise you of how to proceed next? I'm sure there must be one some where

[Smoke]

If i had decent evidence that my ex remarried without a divorce, and was back in the country, I'd probably take a trip to the gardai and see what they said.

[Shining]

Thanks everyone.
I don't think she entered as his wife; she's from a well off country and he's not that stupid. She could be his partner and of course officially there's nothing wrong with that. A prosecution for bigamy here would probably require him to attempt to get married here. I certainly do not have definitive proof. (And yes I have looked into this. He can deny, his word would be accepted and Saudi would not release any documents or help).
Honestly I don't care if he marries five times. I'm more worried about supporting my children and how easy it is for "fathers" to walk away.

[Groucho]

God, this is such a strange situation. It really shows that rules are really only useful if people are willing to be compliant - there seems to be feck all that can be done when someone just says "Nope" and does their own thing.

I think it was Vino who said not to look too far into the future. College etc. Looking too far ahead is a recipe for panic attacks. Presuming you live within commuting distance of a third-level institute, your kids can surely go there. Don't get sucked into any guilt about depriving them of "The College Experience". Most people now commute to the nearest college, or it would be unaffordable otherwise, and many parents restrict choices (we certainly did - our nearest University is excellent and offers degrees in almost everything you might want to do, so a no-brainer from our point of view). There is financial assistance. And the kids can help finance college by getting part time jobs (again, many if not most of our kids work). I know that huge feeling of panic when all your concerns bundled together into this massive monster that threatens to overwhelm you, but there are ways and means and you will manage between you. In the meantime, talk again with your solicitor. Chat to the Guards (why not?). Screenshot anything you can to show he's blocking you and refusing contact, your bank accounts to show when payments suddenly stopped and any evidence you have of bigamy. Put it all into a folder if the day comes that you can nab him by the short & curlies. And get to Citizens Advice to make sure you are getting every possible cent of assistance that you are able to claim. Is it at all possible to work eg 1 day less if it tipped you into the sweet spot for additional social assistance? It might be worth looking at too?

But try not to panic and don't look too far ahead, or you will drive yourself mad. What a prick that man is.

[Cocktail]

I agree with the suggestion to hire a private detective.

If his career meant so much to him, does he have a LinkedIn page? You’re probably blocked, but get someone to check it for you. You may find out where he’s working now.

[Cinquecento]

A private detective won’t do anything you can’t do yourself with a bit of help from others.

You know he’s back in Ireland so start there. There must be a way of tracking him down. It’s a small country. Good luck.

[tea]

Would hiring a PI even be worth it though?
I know situations where the father is in Ireland, has gone to court, maintenance is agreed, he doesn't pay, makes up some story about this and that to the judge, gets told to psy from now on, still doesn't pay.... there doesn't seem to be much, other than a moral compass, to compel maintenance payments.

[Shining]

Tbh I am afraid of this Tea. I was counting on an attachment of earnings and now he's changed jobs (and I wouldn't put it past him to remain income-less out of spite). He's that kind of a man. Or I get it and he changes job and moves. I'm back to the beginning again.

Yes, I'm very much getting fazed by the future. But day to day is harder; I can't deny it. It just infuriates me.
I admit it's very strange...how can someone stay hidden? He's not in contact with anyone I know. Left his job. Old address gone. Social media gone. Phone gone. As I said he's someone who gathers new friends as he moves through life (when they're useful), he moved far away when we separated. He was clearly planning this as his disappearance is superb.
As I said with his friends, I think he's written off his children as "not useful", not the type of children he wants, and he's looking forward to his future with a new family.

[Kensington]

I don't have his mother's address. I do know where she used to live but I think she has moved since. Also I honestly don't think that would suffice. I've been told I need either his home address or a work address that he is regularly at. Otherwise he can claim the summons was sent incorrectly/he didn't get it and it doesn't count.

Tbh it is a complete crock of shite. It is so easy for him to evade his legal responsibilities.

Shining, I am so sorry you are dealing with this absolute horror - what a horrible man he is.

The thing about he can claim the summons was sent incorrectly/he didn't get it and it doesn't count is that to claim that he has to appear. Yeah maybe he won't be dinged for that claim but he can only do this if he appears in court/goes through a solicitor to do so. Try to use any reasonable address to issue/ once he appears it is much easier to track him down. If he shows up with a solicitor you maybe could ask for notice to be served on the solicitor. If he doesn't appear at least you have an order against him. If he appears representing himself have a relative or friend ready to follow him from the court.

I really feel for you. this is utter shite.

[Deise]

Do you have contact for any siblings? Do any of them engage with their nieces or nephews?

Were it my sibling with conveniently forgotten children, I would share their address/employer details with (ex) SIL or BIL.

[HeyJude]

Just on the visa bit, it doesn't matter whether the country is wealthy or not, there are still hoops to jump through to get a visa to come to Ireland if you are not an EU citizen. I would rather try something like this and be proven wrong than not try at all.

As Deise said I would not leave any nieces or nephews in the situation that you find yourself in. I would quite literally pass on details also so that at least they had contact.

[Kowalski]

If she is on a Visa as a spouse, then you have proof of his bigamy. Is she aware of his family status and children I wonder?



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[Shining]

All I can say is that when I discovered her, very very shortly after that I was blocked from all her SM and for anyone else it's locked down on private. So yes I would say she is aware. On the visa thing, I can guarantee she did not enter as his spouse, partner yes. He's extremely clever and devious and would not do that.

He has one family member living abroad; tried contacting them.

[Shining]

Thanks Kensington but I don't have a reasonable address, hence the problem.