I can't sleep and this has been playing on my mind. Please don't quote as I will delete.
I'm.separated. My ex was employed and paid in Ireland and was working in another country, which would not be unusual. I discovered in the last few days that he has left this employment but remains in the other country.
He has married in this country. Polygamy is legal there. But obviously bigamy is illegal here and he, as an Irish person, has broken the law.
I found this out as part of a search because he has stopped paying maintenance, is not replying to emails, has blocked me on what's app. I cannot contact him. Through trawling social media I found out about the second marriage, but he has blocked me from all that now.
Anyone any advice?
Initially I was hopeful that he was doing something for work etc etc and that explained the lack of maintenance but the complete lack of communication and clearly the marriage now makes me think this is all calculated.
Strange query
Re: Strange query
Ah, Shining, that’s crappy. Sounds like a very deliberate attempt to disappear. Clearly you have kids together….does he not try to keep in contact with them? I can imagine there’s probably little you can do about the maintenance when he’s abroad, is there? And that sucks for you. Let alone that he has married again. Sorry, but he sounds like an absolute rat. I have no advice but you have my sympathy and no wonder it’s keeping you up at night. I’d be furious.
Re: Strange query
Shining I'm so sorry to hear this. I have no idea what your next step could be. Would getting legal advice help. He is some piece of work.
Re: Strange query
Ong shining. What a shock it must have been to find out something like that. I'm so sorry you're now dealing with this.
Personally I think in your position once I'd gathered my thoughts and evidence I'd be talking to a solicitor. See what their advice is. You don't have to do anything hurriedly. You know where he is and he's hardly about to run away again. Does his family know about this I wonder?
I'm unsure what I'd do re your children though. I think they're older and not u12? Time might help make that decision a bit clearer. Eventually i think they probably have a right to know what he's done but i feel the emotional toll this would have could be overwhelming. I think I'd try and talk to someone you know, preferably a professional, who could guide you know how to talk to them about this with them, or even if you should tell them. And also unpick this for yourself.
But ultimately shining its a relief that you're away from him because he's a prize a$$hole.
Personally I think in your position once I'd gathered my thoughts and evidence I'd be talking to a solicitor. See what their advice is. You don't have to do anything hurriedly. You know where he is and he's hardly about to run away again. Does his family know about this I wonder?
I'm unsure what I'd do re your children though. I think they're older and not u12? Time might help make that decision a bit clearer. Eventually i think they probably have a right to know what he's done but i feel the emotional toll this would have could be overwhelming. I think I'd try and talk to someone you know, preferably a professional, who could guide you know how to talk to them about this with them, or even if you should tell them. And also unpick this for yourself.
But ultimately shining its a relief that you're away from him because he's a prize a$$hole.
Re: Strange query
Firstly , I'm sorry that you're going through this. I agree with everyone else, he's a prize b**t*rd. I think your only option is to get legal advice from a solicitor specialising in family law. I'm sure it's not the first time they will have heard of a case like this of abandonment and bigamy.
Also, if you're not getting any maintenance anymore, go see someone in your local citizen advice bureau, you might be entitled to family income support and maybe other benefits.
As regards the children, I think like smoke says, is there a counsellor that you can go through all of this with first?
It's an awful burden to carry.
I hope things improve.
Also, if you're not getting any maintenance anymore, go see someone in your local citizen advice bureau, you might be entitled to family income support and maybe other benefits.
As regards the children, I think like smoke says, is there a counsellor that you can go through all of this with first?
It's an awful burden to carry.
I hope things improve.
Re: Strange query
He was a prize a$$hole when we were together. I actually can't begin to tell you the shit we went through. When we were together he was supreme as presenting himself as a charming wonderful man with the crazy wife at home - and subsequent crazy children who I damaged - one of those.
He used to have access but as the children get older (and other stuff happened, not very nice things at all) they do not want any contact with him. This is their own choice. Both would be extremely anxious if they knew he was nearby say. But he is legally obliged to pay maintenance. And used to (probably because he knew I could go for attachment of earnings from his Irish employer).
My children are a bit older: older primary and secondary school...looking at college in a few years.
I worked with an ex-colleague of his who told me he was all talk about how much he loved his children
.
He has a very small family. He has a parent here who's mad as a box of frogs. He's the type of person who gathers new friends as he goes through life. I did contact his best friend (a lovely man) who hasn't heard from him in months. He gave me a mobile number and ex has subsequently blocked me on this. He's blocked me on all social media since yesterday so he's actively avoiding me.
I honestly cannot believe I'm typing this.
I don't care about him but the loss of the maintenance is huge.
He used to have access but as the children get older (and other stuff happened, not very nice things at all) they do not want any contact with him. This is their own choice. Both would be extremely anxious if they knew he was nearby say. But he is legally obliged to pay maintenance. And used to (probably because he knew I could go for attachment of earnings from his Irish employer).
My children are a bit older: older primary and secondary school...looking at college in a few years.
I worked with an ex-colleague of his who told me he was all talk about how much he loved his children
.He has a very small family. He has a parent here who's mad as a box of frogs. He's the type of person who gathers new friends as he goes through life. I did contact his best friend (a lovely man) who hasn't heard from him in months. He gave me a mobile number and ex has subsequently blocked me on this. He's blocked me on all social media since yesterday so he's actively avoiding me.
I honestly cannot believe I'm typing this.
I don't care about him but the loss of the maintenance is huge.
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SeanTheSheep
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Re: Strange query
F*cking hell, he really is a low life.
I would actually go straight to the Gardaí and report him, kick the legal aspect off because it's not likely you'll be able to get maintenence out of him without a legal fight.
No idea if this sort of crime is covered under extradition treaty but seeing as polygamy is allowed there, probably not.
But maybe it will have legal implications if he has an Irish employer?
I would actually go straight to the Gardaí and report him, kick the legal aspect off because it's not likely you'll be able to get maintenence out of him without a legal fight.
No idea if this sort of crime is covered under extradition treaty but seeing as polygamy is allowed there, probably not.
But maybe it will have legal implications if he has an Irish employer?
This Witch Won't Burn
Re: Strange query
Personally I wouldn't immediately go all guns blazing to the gardai.
I'd prefer to find out what the consequences there could be first, primarily for my children and myself, before I'd be bringing the gardai into it.
I doubt he is extraditable.
I'd prefer to find out what the consequences there could be first, primarily for my children and myself, before I'd be bringing the gardai into it.
I doubt he is extraditable.
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SeanTheSheep
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Re: Strange query
But some Gardaí are helpful and knowledgeable on the law, so may be able to point in the direction to take even if it's not reported straight away.
Whether she does it now or later doesn't change the bigamy.
Whether she does it now or later doesn't change the bigamy.
This Witch Won't Burn
Re: Strange query
Does he have any Irish assets? You might be able to make a claim on them in the absence of his maintenance payments.
Your kids are at a very expensive age (though aren't they always) so you absolutely need to do all you can to protect your finances.
Definitely get to a solicitor soon. I wonder if initiating divorce proceedings might work in your favour, particularly if he has assets here.
Your kids are at a very expensive age (though aren't they always) so you absolutely need to do all you can to protect your finances.
Definitely get to a solicitor soon. I wonder if initiating divorce proceedings might work in your favour, particularly if he has assets here.
Re: Strange query
Maybe yes. And yes it's still a crime.SeanTheSheep wrote: ↑Sun Apr 23, 2023 10:55 am But some Gardaí are helpful and knowledgeable on the law, so may be able to point in the direction to take even if it's not reported straight away.
Whether she does it now or later doesn't change the bigamy.
But I just would hold back reporting him until I had consulted with an expert on the consequences for myself and my children.
And, at this stage, I'd be following the path most favourable financially to my household.
Re: Strange query
Shining in so sorry to read this. Such a horrible thing to have happen in to of ask the other terrible things.
Is there any way you can exist without the maintenance? And our something legal in place so he had no hold over your family ?
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Is there any way you can exist without the maintenance? And our something legal in place so he had no hold over your family ?
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DiscoGirl
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Re: Strange query
Im sorry ye are going through this, I hope you have a good support system in friends/family
I would gather all evidence etc, and get a good solicitor, however sometimes just walking away from a situation is winning, he sounds like an asshole, this won’t change no matter what you do , is it really worth the hassle?
That said if you aren’t legally divorced I think this would be my first on my “ to do” list
I would gather all evidence etc, and get a good solicitor, however sometimes just walking away from a situation is winning, he sounds like an asshole, this won’t change no matter what you do , is it really worth the hassle?
That said if you aren’t legally divorced I think this would be my first on my “ to do” list
