Dd2 friend in crisis

[socky2]

Dd2 is on her way to Glasgow with her dad but she messaged me to say one of her friends was in a bit of a crisis. His family are very religious Christians and he told his mam he is an athiest (he 'came out' - his words). He wanted DD2 to text me cos he wants out of there for a few days and he trusts me. I messaged him to say I was available if he wants to talk so he has been texting me. His dad is not home but will be later and he's scared about what will happen if the mam tells him. But he said the dad will not hurt him or or anything, just that their relationship is not good.

I said I was happy to be a listening ear but it wasn't really appropriate for me to take him, especially since DD2 is not even here. I also asked if it would help if I spoke with the mom. waiting for a response now.

Not really sure where to go with this. On the one hand I want to help this young man navigate this but I definitely don't want to damage their family relationship.

Any advice welcome.

[Sally]

What age is he?

[charliesangel]

The way I see it is if these parents are indeed religious Christians, it is in their faith to open their own hearts and minds and to be Christian about whatever their son has to say to them.

When you say he came out to them was the coming out that he is gay or that he is an athiest (I'm sorry but I'm just not getting which would be seen to be worse in his parent's eyes, though neither of them is wrong)?

He is just as entitled to his beliefs and to his way of life as his parents were to theirs.

I don't know what else to suggest but to talk it through and as you say be that listening ear for him.

[socky2]

He's 15 I think. He said he 'came out as athiest.'

Charliesangel that's how I see it too. I am an atheist though so I don't really get the whole religious rules thing.

I asked about other supports and he said his whole family and family fruend group ard religious. They are nit Irish and have their own church mission here in our local town. I suggested ge talk to a supportive teacher on Monday. Dd2 back on Saturday.

Poor lad is afraid the dad will take his phone so he was deleting messages on his side.

[Vino]

I know you say you're not comfortable taking him in but before you decide for sure could you find out if he's afraid of his father reacting violently?

[Guest]

If he’s not in danger, what are your concerns?
He said he dad will not hurt him , so it sounds like the parents might be disappointed, upset and cross and even very cross. And the dad might confiscate his phone.

But is that really grounds for even contemplating taking a 15 yr old from his family. ?
I know you’ve said you’re not going to do it as your DD is not home, but if she was home I don’t think it would be appropriate.

Is there something more to the story?

[charliesangel]

I'm wondering if they are from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (a.k.a. Mormon)? If they are, then it is likely he may be excommunicated from their faith, he'll have to leave the family home and sever ties to his family (as far as I know), depending on how they take the news.

[Sally]

If he’s not in danger, what are your concerns?
He said he dad will not hurt him , so it sounds like the parents might be disappointed, upset and cross and even very cross. And the dad might confiscate his phone.

But is that really grounds for even contemplating taking a 15 yr old from his family. ?
I know you’ve said you’re not going to do it as your DD is not home, but if she was home I don’t think it would be appropriate.

Is there something more to the story?

This was my post…not sure how it appeared as guest poster

[StarryNight]

I'm wondering if they are from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (a.k.a. Mormon)? If they are, then it is likely he may be excommunicated from their faith, he'll have to leave the family home and sever ties to his family (as far as I know), depending on how they take the news.

Very few Mormons in Ireland, it sounds more like Jehovahs Witnesses or pentecostalist churches where you do lose your family if you leave and there is zero autonomy for a child wanting to leave the faith. Very tricky situation.

[CocoRose]

I wouldn't participate in it myself. It sounds hard for him but he has to navigate it. Might be a bit if drama at play too.

[jammymammy]

I wouldn’t get involved at all at this point. I’d be fuming if dd, who is the same age, was facilitated to leave the house overnight by one of her friend’s parents and I don’t think it is appropriate for you and him to be texting either.
Put yourself in the parents position rather than the 15 year olds and see how you think you would want the parents to act if you and your dd had a falling out.

[Unnamed poster 7]

Post Deleted

[Rita]

Has he other friends other than your dd2? Could he chat with them or stay with any of them?
I can’t picture any of dd’s friends texting me like that so not sure how I would advice.

Why did he decide to tell them he is atheist..most teens just go along with things until they leave home unless it abusive. Is there more behind it

[mcmammy2]

If it is Jehovah witness then it is potentially serious for him. I have a friend in her late teens who left the faith. She had to move out. She lost contact with her family and the entire community of Jehovah Witnesses that she grew up with. Now it may be different for a child who doesn't yet have the capacity to be independent. In this case I would be offering a place to stay if the child had to move out. I would not be encouraging the child to leave at this point but if he did end up with nowhere to go then I would take him in. It really depends on the context. Fwiw my friend did get back in contact with her parents in her twenties when the church allowed them. They have a great relationship now. Her parents are lovely but their faith meant that they had to break contact back then which was heartbreaking for all involved.

[Tobo]

I think you need to tread very carefully. I understand you mean well, but he is a minor. I think if his parents find out that you're facilitating even a very innocent text conversation, they may be more angry at that rather than the religious aspect.
I would be thinking there's more to this story....