Feeling unappreciated on birthday.

[Groucho]

Great update! Good for you. Totally agree on the pulling back a bit. I've started to do similar - I'm doing a class one night a week which I love, with assignments etc which I am enjoying so much (while tearing my hair out in clumps too). Highly recommended. Glad you are feeling more positive!

[tippexile]

Delighted to hear that things are going well and that you are prioritising yourself.

[Kensington]

Well done - lovely update.

Many years ago a therapist said to me "there is no belief system in the world that requires you to put others before yourself" As an irish catholic woman I immediately said "actually ... " and she interupted with "it is love thy neighbour as thyself - not more than thyself" and it floored me.

A friend's father in law is dying at the moment - aged 97. I spent time with him over the years and he was an interesting man who played music and loved connecting with people. My friend wasn't particularly fond of him in the way she was fond of her mother in law (dead 15 years) because unlike her he always put himself first. But maybe he lived so long because he put himself first? Is it such a bad thing? He loved his children and grandchildren and wider family, loved spending time with them. Why is self-sacrifice such a lauded thing? Probably should start a thread about this.

[Elsie]

well done and happy birthday again. Not only are you doing yourself a good service but also the people in your life are learning to care for themselves and yes they are managing , maybe not as good as if you were doing it for them of course lol but they are becoming independent too which is marvellous in itself.

i am learning to cut the apron strings..... its a lesson for me as much as for my kids.

[taximom]

What a wonderful update. We can all take inspiration from that tbh.

[CocoRose]

I think you've started a movement!!!

[taximom]

I think you've started a movement!!!

Yes - PJ Gallagher talked about something similar last night on the Late Late!

[CocoRose]

oh i must watch back

[Goose]

Happy birthday.

I wrote a similar post recently. It seems petty to be cribbing but it's only one day of the year so it's not too much to expect to be treated some bit extra special on one day that is not the usual holidays.

I hope by now you are feeling a little better. I have decided that next year I am going to do something nice for myself and I am not waiting about for somebody else to think of me.

[NDM]

Happy birthday.

I wrote a similar post recently. It seems petty to be cribbing but it's only one day of the year so it's not too much to expect to be treated some bit extra special on one day that is not the usual holidays.

I hope by now you are feeling a little better. I have decided that next year I am going to do something nice for myself and I am not waiting about for somebody else to think of me.

Here here

Sent from my SM-A536B using Tapatalk

[elizaDoo]

Similar feelings here but think I’m being petty. Got some nice presents from DH last night but neither kids even got me so much as a card. 14 and 17 and have their own money. A candle from Penneys or a token of appreciation and I would have been over the moon. I go OTT on their birthdays as I love celebrating another year older but I feel that they are both being thoughtless even though they have always had a fanfare made of their bdays. Or is it too much to expect of teens to care about anyone but themselves.

[ali]

Ah I would have a word with the 2 of them about that, they need to learn that they have to appreciate the people they love, the people that care for them. Whatever about a husband not doing anything we need to teach our kids to think of others. Would let them know your hurt about them not getting you a card, ask them how they would feel if you just ignored their birthdays.

[elizaDoo]

Thanks Ali. Was feeling that my reaction is petty but it’s probably that I’m more hurt that both of them are being thoughtless when they have certainly not been brought up to be. Wondering again somehow am I to blame us mother swill always find a way to blame ourselves.

[TCR]

I agree with Ali. Tell them.
Happy birthday.
Only dd1 here ever makes an effort. She covers for the other lazy asses. Dh to be fair is great but doesn’t nag them like I do when it’s his birthday.

[RDR]

Thanks Ali. Was feeling that my reaction is petty but it’s probably that I’m more hurt that both of them are being thoughtless when they have certainly not been brought up to be. Wondering again somehow am I to blame us mother swill always find a way to blame ourselves.

You only get to take the blame if in 10 years time they are still doing the same AND (most importantly) if you never said anything. We're not miracle workers. But our job is to call them out when they fall short. As adults they get to make the decisions about their behaviour and it is on them entirely at that stage.

I've been there with a Mother's Day many years ago. There were mixed opinions on here (or maybe it was MM) about whether or not I was being unreasonable as the culprit was much younger (but as his mum I knew he was old enough to know better). It has never happened again with any of them. It is important that kids understand that their parents are people with feelings and that we can be hurt. And of course important that they understand that they are not the centre of the universe, a belief that often seems to be part of teen wiring.

Here's to better birthdays