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Regular going anon. I have a close friend, she has lost a lot of weight over the past few years, changed her image completely and looks great. She has really blossomed and fair play to her.

However, she has become quite vain and conceited at times and is constantly telling us that men come on to her, make suggestive comments, etc., particularly in work. Personally, I take it with a pinch of salt as really don't believe men behave like that particularly in work. She is married and very flirty. I understand she isn't embracing the new "her". However, we were all out in a group last weekend. My dh was there. She told me that he grabbed her ass. I have known my hubby for 25 years. He is extremely reserved, not at all touchy gropey. He works with mostly women too. My dh vehemently denies it and is extremely upset. He's not a drinker so it's not as if he was so drunk he didn't know what he was doing. She told me not to mention it to him as he is extremely shy and would be embarrassed. I told her it was not acceptable. I detest leery, gropey men. To me it is akin to assault and take it seriously. My dh is absolutely horrified. I believe he didn't do it. She said it is no big deal as men grab her ass all the time.

I think you need a new friend.

Loose her asap

Anon wrote: She said it is no big deal as men grab her ass all the time.

I was trying to keep an open mind until I read this. That doesn't happen 'all the time' to middle-aged women.

I can see why your husband is upset. It's defamation to announce to a group that he did that if it's untrue. Have the two of you spoken to her together? Would there be cctv where this is supposed to have happened that you will tell her you're going to ask to check?

So she is accusing your DH of sexual assault. That’s what grabbing someone on the ass is.

jagg wrote:I think you need a new friend.

This. She’s upset that your husband groped her - upset enough to say it to you , but not that upset that she’s not mindful enough of his feelings that she doesn’t want you to confront him ? I smell bullshit !

I wouldn't go out with her again. And if I were your husband I DEFINITELY wouldn't go near her again.

I wonder if you said that you took it very seriously and were leaving him would she backtrack?

I'd be extremely upset too, either your dh or your friend is lying, either option is horrible and I hope you're ok.
Just playing devils advocate here, I know you say you know your DH (as we all do about our partner) but its everyone's first instinct to blame the other party and believe our loved one instead. What if it's true? I've heard of more than one situation where it was a case of shoot the messenger, and then later it all came out. Obviously I don't know any of the people involved so please don't take any of this personally, but you'll get lots of people blaming the woman so I'm just putting forward the other side.

I would call her and tell her he is denying it and your taking it very serious and are going to ask everyone that was there that night if they seen anything or if there was cctv, as she is accusing your dh of assault

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Honestly I’d ignore it and make sure they aren’t in company again. If you make a big deal of it or end the friendship she will likely tell everyone why and your Dh will look like the guilty one as everyone loves a bit of gossip. I would laugh it off and keep her at arms length.

Anon wrote:She told me not to mention it to him as he is extremely shy and would be embarrassed.

Not to mention it to him? That seems fishy. Protecting the feelings of a groper?

I wouldn't let it go. As Rosepetal said someone is lying and you need to find out who. You also need to decide what you are going to do about if when you do find out who is lying. Have you gone back to her and said you've asked your husband who denies it and did he really sexually assault her? That's what it is and if what she said is true about men doing it the whole time then she's been assaulted multiple times. But if you suspect at all that it's all bs then I would distance myself pronto from her.

I think you should say that you take it extremely seriously as does your DH and want the three of you to meet in person to discuss the matter


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