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My dd, just turned 15, has been dating a girl for the last two months. A lovely girl, a year ahead of her in school so a bit older. Dd has never dated anyone, and as she is my eldest, I’m a bit at sea over the whole dating scene.

Tonight she put me on the spot to stay over at the girlfriends. I said No because she caught me on the hop and it’s something I want to think about. The girlfriends parents had no problem with this, apparently.

If it was a boy she was dating, I wouldn't hesitate to say No. Too young and too much too soon. Dh thinks it’s harmless enough - he seems to think of it as no more than a sleepover with a mate. But they are dating!

Would you say yes??

It is a hard one alright but if you would say no to a boy then I’d say no for the girl too. Do you know what the sleeping arrangements are?

No, if you would say no to a male partner, say no to a female partner. Apart from anything else they are underage. I would be surprised if the other parent is aware of the relationship and ok with them sleeping over. At 15 I would want to speak to the parents of the other child before they stay over when in a relationship male or female

There’s a difference between staying at a boy/girlfriend’s house and sleeping with them. At just 15 I wouldn’t be ok with the latter. But you’d need a good conversation with the parents to find out where they stand and how committed they are to chaperoning. Your dd can probably clarify the intent as a first step.

I agree that if its a romantic relationship it's treated differently than just a friendship. I've wondered how to handle this if it ever crops up with one of my kids. Do you think her parents know they're in a relationship?

If they are visiting during the day do you have a policy of leaving bedroom doors open like you would if it was a boy. It's s whole new world of things to consider!!

I know many people would argue that it goes against rules of equality to say this is different than a sleepover with a boyfriend but no one could convince me it’s the same. Pregnancy is the single biggest reason to try and delay sexual activity in teens who want to have sex. There are other reasons but that’s the big one. 15 is young in a parent’s eyes but really it’s not that young for sexual activity and there is no risk of pregnancy and little risk of STIs in this situation unless her girlfriend has had multiple partners. I’d let her off and not make a big deal of it.

My girlfriend stayed over in my bunk when I was 16, it wouldn't have dawned on my parents that anything sexual could possibly happen. I don't think they knew lesbians existed!

It's super that your daughter is open about her sexuality. I know for me it was an experimental phase (I'm not gay or bi) but I did love my friend but just not the way she wanted, she was gay.

I suppose I would have like for like rules with my own teens. Partners can sleep in the spare room. Nobody in bedrooms-we have a spare sitting room but I don't tell them to leave the door open.

Grasscutter, that was DH’s argument too! At least she won’t get pregnant!

I’m so glad she feels she can be open with us. Maybe it is a phase - as she put it herself, she is too young to have it all figured out. She is naive enough to not realise how much prejudice she may meet along the way.

The other parents know there is a relationship but I have only met them briefly. I have no idea what their intentions would be re sleeping arrangements. Jeez, I didn’t see this coming

Thanks for your comments.

Totally agree with you saying no. It's different than a sleepover. A neighbour of ours daughter was in relationships with girls as a teenager. These girlfriends would have sleepovers and the Parents thought nothing of it until they found out a few years later that these girls were actually girlfriends.

What will you do with her siblings though with the whole BF/GF thing
I know mine would argue the head off me about that one!

I suppose you have to have one rule and stick to it.
No sleepovers in the same room with boyfriends or girlfriends allowed when we were teenagers/early 20s. I had a boyfriend when I was 22 and working and living at home, he had to stay in the spare room one time he stayed over. Same rule for my sisters and brothers. Pretty sure it would have been the same if any of us had a same sex partner. Parents' house, their rules.

I think it's the same as the boyfriend girlfriend rule like others have said. And more importantly that it's fair to all siblings when their turn comes. What ever you decide on would have to be the same for all kids.

My first job would be to introduce myself to the GFs parents to ensure you both are on the same page, have the same opinions etc.

Lastly, I think it's super cool that she's so comfortable asking!

I think I would say no mainly because I have other kids and they would argue with me if they weren't allowed to stay with BF and would actually argue with me that they were using protection so whats the big deal.

God its a hard one isn't it. I don't really know for sure what I would do. I think 15 is too young to have a sexual partner stay over really.

Grasscutter wrote: Pregnancy is the single biggest reason to try and delay sexual activity in teens who want to have sex. There are other reasons but that’s the big one.

I disagree. Sex is about more than pregnancy.
Sexual intimacy is a big step for anyone and at 15 personally i don't think teenagers are mature enough for everything that goes with it.

Personally i would treat it as any romantic relationship, no sleeping over, doors open, age of consent etc.

I just thought about my own having sex with someone with my knowledge in the house with me and realised I would definitely say no. I know they can do it anyway but im not giving my blessing at 15.