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I know a girl who dated her 2nd cousin for a while, they did come out to family and it caused a lot of upset. In the end it didn't work out between them, incidentally they didn't live in the same country either, so I would thread carefully first before you make it public.
Go visit him, it might give you a better understanding of how you really feel. At the moment it's all new and the attraction is instant, maybe spending some full on time with him might put a bit of perspective on it.

Also I agree with others that you would really need to consider both your views on children and the possible loss of family members from your life due to a fall out.

My sister married our first cousin about 12 years ago. Our parents were not at all happy about the relationship initially and refused to attend their wedding. It caused a lot of upset in our family and there was no contact between my sister and parents for quite some time.

However my sister and husband now have four beautiful children and are happier than ever. The rift with my parents has been healed for a long time and my Mam dotes on her grandchildren . Our darling Dad passed away in November but thankfully all was well before then.

If you do decide to persue a relationship ye don't have to tell anyone straight away... just see how it goes. Life is too short and we can't help who we fall in love with. Best of luck with whatever you decide.

I'm going to think of it another way. If he wasn't related to you would you go & visit a guy you've really only met a few times and have an Internet friendship with on the other side of the world or even host him here? Or is it because he is family it feels safer and more secure to do this? I'm not sure if I'm making any sense but I think it might be worth separating the tabooness from the actual relationship to help see what is most important to you.

My mother's first cousins are.married to each other. A guy I worked with also had parents who were first cousins so it does happen.

I know two first cousins who are married. They have a marriage a lot of people would love to have - you would imagine they were made to be together. Have a beautiful child too. Raised a few eyebrows in the beginning but now no one cares. My opinion is if they are happy then what business of mine or anyone else's is it. It might not be for everyone, but it is perfectly legal to marry your cousin. I will probably be in the minority but if you had as good a chance of happiness as the couple i mentioned and you can find someone to love and live a good life then go for it. Life is short.

I think it would be very sad if you didn’t explore the possibilities because of fearing what others may think. They may not think anything. They may be happy for you. They may be appalled and you may find you don’t care. And chances are if you don’t care then they’ll be a pissed off their feelings didn’t have any power of you, feel a bit silly and question their whole approach and then come around to the idea. Anyone who stays opposed to a happy couple is nuts.
I know someone who married a man twice her age who’d been married twice previously - if she’d cared what others thought she wouldn’t now be planning their silver wedding anniversary.

Thank you for the replies. I’m quite emotional now as I was expecting to be slated. I really do feel the attraction is real, we have the same sense of humour and could talk all night long.
Even though we’re first cousins there would be no possibility of children, we’re too old for that thankfully! I think what we are going to do is just take it step by step. If we still feel this way in a few months which I know we will then I’ll go out to visit him and see where that takes us. At the moment we have no intentions of telling anyone, I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Thank you all for not judging me, it really means a lot x

who cares what anyone else thinks. If it’s right for you and you’re not doing anything illegal then go for it. I know or 2 cousins who got married recently. Parents were a bit taken aback but they got over it and this was cousins who grew up together. Hope it works out

Seriously if you’re too old for children then it’s really a non-issue, no? I would have thought the genetic risks would be the only possible valid reason for someone objecting- even though I don’t really think it’s valid. The fact that you didn’t grow up being close really means the cousin connection is nothing more than a coincidence. I’ve a cousin I’ve had a mad crush on all my life - my sister did too - unfortunately our crushes were unrequited. Glad yours isn’t!

I know first cousins who are married and they were both called after their grandfather so they have the male and female derivatives of the same name. They are my parents generation and it is interesting because it is the first thing I think of when I think of them rather than anything else.

My sister and her DH are not related at all, but due to some problems with their firstborn child they had gene testing and their genetics are so close they could be brother & sister. They were advised not to have any more children due to this incase it brought further difficulties.

They traced their family trees back as far as they could, approx 6 generations on both sides and there is literally no connection at all.

With regard to the OP, you can't help who you fall in love with but I would expect that families on both sides would need to adjust to the news if you told them.

now you've said that children are not in the picture presumably from an age perspective .... that would make my decision a whole lot easier... feck it - Id be off on my holliers staying with my cousin before the summer was out. An easy trip family wise and no one would suspect anything - why waste time.

I also do think that its no one elses business! it might just be a holiday romance, it might be more but I think its worth the trip to find out! Best of luck in your decision!

Elsie wrote:now you've said that children are not in the picture presumably from an age perspective .... that would make my decision a whole lot easier... feck it - Id be off on my holliers staying with my cousin before the summer was out. An easy trip family wise and no one would suspect anything - why waste time.

Exactly this!

My concern would always be the genetic link and having children. If thats not in question, you are both adults so do what makes you happy. Good luck with your decision.

hello there was also thinking there is a vast difference between a couple of days of intense conversations and weekly social media messaging and marriage.... sometimes these things peter out themselves. i would imagine pining for something that might have been might last longer. i think your step by step approach without making any grand family announcements would be sensible. One of my parents siblings married a first cousin and they were disowned by some of the the family. it was v sad, i remember being told about it as a child and I remember being told possibly in a warning sort of tone that the attraction between cousins is very strong when it hits! best of luck with it all...