It is currently Tue Dec 18, 2018 11:57 pm

All times are UTC [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 47 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: In love with my cousin
PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2018 6:27 am 
It’s taken me a while to build up the courage to post this as it’s most likely a taboo subject. I have a large family that stretches across the world, I haven’t even met most of them. One cousin in particular I only met for the first time for our grandfather’s funeral over 20 years ago. There was an instant attraction but it was never acted upon. He lives the far side of the world so we only got back in touch in the last few years through social media. In the last year especially we’ve been in touch weekly and although it was just friendly banter there was always an undercurrent of attraction.

Last month a death in the family caused us to meet again. Once again the attraction was instant, I can honestly say I’ve never felt anything like it in my life. We spent long nights chatting and getting to know each other and then we kissed. Nothing more! He told me he loves me and I genuinely feel the same. We’ve been in constant contact since he went back home and he wants me to come out to visit him in the summer. I want to see how this can progress but I’m terrified of the reaction from the rest of the family. We’re both single so not hurting anybody but still I know people will judge. I really want to be with him and he feels the same.
Is it really wrong to love your cousin? My head is all over the place but my heart says ‘Go for it!’

Has anyone had any experience in this. I miss him so much.


Report this post
Top
  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2018 1:10 pm 
Anyone?

I know this part of the forum isn’t found too easily so if admin could please paste it to a different forum I’d really appreciate it.


Report this post
Top
  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2018 3:49 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Jul 11, 2014 3:22 pm
Posts: 2853
Has thanked: 1064 times
Been thanked: 1251 times
I've asked admin to move your post Froggie.
Is he your first cousin?


Report this post
Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2018 3:53 pm 
Online
User avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 25, 2014 4:54 pm
Posts: 5691
Has thanked: 2091 times
Been thanked: 1610 times
She mentions our grand father so I presume first cousins yes.


Report this post
Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2018 3:53 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Wed Apr 16, 2014 8:50 pm
Posts: 10156
Has thanked: 4294 times
Been thanked: 4079 times
Ive moved your post Froggie so hopefully people will help x

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk


Report this post
Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2018 3:59 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sun Sep 14, 2014 6:17 pm
Posts: 926
Has thanked: 643 times
Been thanked: 340 times
I believe first cousins can marry or at least I know someone whose parents are married and first cousins.

Coming out to your families will be the hardest part presumably but I don't believe it's illegal?


Report this post
Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2018 4:00 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sun Sep 14, 2014 6:17 pm
Posts: 926
Has thanked: 643 times
Been thanked: 340 times
If he lives far side of world I wouldn't be rushing to tell people though.


Report this post
Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2018 4:02 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu May 01, 2014 12:43 pm
Posts: 1449
Has thanked: 10 times
Been thanked: 339 times
Well, I couldn't imagine it myself. But then, I have lived in an area of the world where marrying cousins was completely normal (not that it was practiced that much; it wasn't common but it was accepted).

That said there is an older couple near where I grew up who were first cousins who married - think they had a lot of opposition and had to get a dispensation to be married in church.

I do think there are good reasons why cousins shouldn't marry to be honest - genetic closeness.

I'm not really sure what to advise you. There is no law against it.


Report this post
Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2018 4:02 pm 
Online
User avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 25, 2014 4:54 pm
Posts: 5691
Has thanked: 2091 times
Been thanked: 1610 times
I do know of two people who's parents are first cousins and you can tell the genetics is a bit close, that's kind of putting it as best I can.

That's not to say op is interested in having children with this man of course.

I don't know if anyone can advise you. I'm sure if it happened in my family there would be raised eyebrows but at the end of the day who cares really!


Report this post
Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2018 4:03 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jun 26, 2016 8:56 am
Posts: 6010
Has thanked: 1229 times
Been thanked: 1909 times
Not illegal at all - I think marrying a second cousin is bizarrely though but that was only something at the back of my mind from studies years ago.
Also would not be telling anyone in case it is a case of genetic attraction rather than actual real 'love'. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genetic_sexual_attraction


Report this post
Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2018 4:04 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu Dec 03, 2015 4:06 pm
Posts: 1632
Has thanked: 26 times
Been thanked: 1732 times
In some societies it is very common to marry a cousin - in Ireland it is rather taboo but certainly not illegal and no unknown. There are genetic issues around having children but my understanding is that these are more common in societies where there are multiple cousin marriages so the gene pool is really diluted.

I know someone who married his first cousin. They did face a lot of family opposition - no one was happy about it but 30 years later they are still together. I have second cousins who dated - people didn't say much at the time.

I don't know - I guess you will have to see how much he means to you because my guess is there will be a certain amount of raised eyebrows in your family - but you could get that if you dated someone else too for other reasons.

Also agree that you should look at the genetic attraction phenomenon.


Report this post
Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2018 4:05 pm 
Online
User avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 25, 2014 4:54 pm
Posts: 5691
Has thanked: 2091 times
Been thanked: 1610 times
Funny enough my folks did dna testing and found they were fourth cousins, as did my cousin and her hubby. But not unusual in rural land locked Ireland in the past for obvious reasons. But fourth cousin is way out.


Report this post
Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2018 4:08 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Sat Apr 26, 2014 3:42 pm
Posts: 6278
Has thanked: 4820 times
Been thanked: 3031 times
I don’t know much about it to be honest but when I was younger a friend of mines cousins got married. From what I can remember they had to get permission from the Pope (they obviously wanted a church ceremony) and I think they had to limit the amount of children they planned to two because of genetic issues. They both came from a huge family - their own parents were from a family of 14. But that is as much as I know/remember.


Report this post
Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2018 4:10 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Apr 28, 2014 4:07 pm
Posts: 8271
Has thanked: 2038 times
Been thanked: 1929 times
Pseudonym that's what I remember from school too, 1st cousins grand, 2nd cousins no for some genetic reason. Maybe some sciencey HM will know more.

You are asking if anyone has experience in this op? I doubt many of us have direct or recent experience but I hope you get some answers and can make a decision.


Report this post

These users thanked the author Tinky for the post: Unnamed poster5
Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2018 4:14 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sat Jun 07, 2014 3:16 pm
Posts: 3318
Has thanked: 2158 times
Been thanked: 2234 times
It's not illegal to marry your first cousin in Ireland although the churches might take a stricter view.
Honestly, I doubt it's something most families would welcome but I imagine many families will have issues with partners for various reasons..I.e- age difference, married previously, children from other relationships, different colour, creed, race, religion, social status so in terms of what family or others might say- there are probably a host of people who will find some fault with a possible partner so depends how much it bothers you both.
I think the fact that you only met as adults is probably more palatable than if you'd grown up as cousins together.
So no advice but you're not breaking the law....If you do start a relationship, I would probably keep it under wraps until you know for sure it's serious...easier to face any opposition if you're sure it's what you want.


Report this post
Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 47 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4  Next

All times are UTC [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 26 guests


You can post new topics in this forum
You can reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group