While it’s obviously horrible and not acceptable that your DD isn’t being nice to you, maybe it’s her way of coping with this situation. It is possible that she wanted to qualify in this particular area for years, grew up with the idea and it was ingrained in her that it was what she wanted to do and now that’s it’s within her grasp has realised it was the dream of her younger self but it’s not what she wants now. Really what you think you want to do in five years time from the age of 13, may in fact be totally different when you get to 18.
Would your sister be able to have a conversation with her about taking a year out to decide what she would actually like to do and what she will do for the year instead ? Obviously it will mean working at least part-time but I would think starting a course that she really feels isn’t for her now is only pushing the can down the road.
CAO drama
Re: CAO drama
Gosh, that’s so tough on the whole family.
If it’s out character behaviour you would have to wonder if it’s anxiety or a realisation that it’s not for her. If it’s a more extreme form of familiar behaviour that’s a different thing altogether.
A structured year out may be the best option. One of ours had a year out and I have to say it was a great success, but only because there was a 30hr per week job. Money and the time to enjoy it worked for all. I wasn’t supportive of it when it was first suggested but having come through it I only have positive things to say about it. We then had a mature young adult heading off to 1st Year that realises that adults (and parents) work hard.
If it’s out character behaviour you would have to wonder if it’s anxiety or a realisation that it’s not for her. If it’s a more extreme form of familiar behaviour that’s a different thing altogether.
A structured year out may be the best option. One of ours had a year out and I have to say it was a great success, but only because there was a 30hr per week job. Money and the time to enjoy it worked for all. I wasn’t supportive of it when it was first suggested but having come through it I only have positive things to say about it. We then had a mature young adult heading off to 1st Year that realises that adults (and parents) work hard.
Re: CAO drama
Again ladies I can only thank you so much for all your input. It's been so helpful for me just to try and clear my head. DD has always been super head strong, we would certainly clash a lot, but equally we would have great times as well.
Her character is she finds very difficult to make a decision, more so than your typical teenager. Right now there is absolutely nothing that I can do. I went back to her yesterday with a few more suggestions and I just got shut down. So I need to walk away. DH has intervened but she just will not engage in conversation. Whilst she has now accepted her course we don't have any accommodation for her and She has made absolutely no attempt that I'm aware of to resolve the issue. She has her whole life ahead of her but you know she has to start taking responsibility for her own actions now.
I think at the beginning it was such a curveball that I really did not know how to react to it. Now I realize there is nothing I can do. She's an adult and she has to start taking responsibility. There will be no free ride in this house. If she doesn't go to uni then she has to pay her way.
Her character is she finds very difficult to make a decision, more so than your typical teenager. Right now there is absolutely nothing that I can do. I went back to her yesterday with a few more suggestions and I just got shut down. So I need to walk away. DH has intervened but she just will not engage in conversation. Whilst she has now accepted her course we don't have any accommodation for her and She has made absolutely no attempt that I'm aware of to resolve the issue. She has her whole life ahead of her but you know she has to start taking responsibility for her own actions now.
I think at the beginning it was such a curveball that I really did not know how to react to it. Now I realize there is nothing I can do. She's an adult and she has to start taking responsibility. There will be no free ride in this house. If she doesn't go to uni then she has to pay her way.
Re: CAO drama
How are things now? Did she find accommodation?
You are right, she is an adult now. Very hard for us to accept in a way that we have to let them make their own decisions and have to stand back.
You are right, she is an adult now. Very hard for us to accept in a way that we have to let them make their own decisions and have to stand back.