DH arguing with neighbours

[Nay-brrr]

DH has a fiery temper at the best of times. He has calmed down in recent years but our neighbours get on his nerves. I can understand that as they are very grating. We share a private roadway and they constantly block it with junk cars, their own cars, visitors cars. The adult son parked right across the road today, and DH couldn't park his car, and then the dad came out and DH started roaring at him.
I know the neighbours are a pain and I wish they would just all get lost, but also we have to live here and I am mortified and a bit scared of the repercussions of DH having a go.
WWYD?

[Nodrog]

You lost me at *has a fiery temper at the best of times*.
This is not normal.
Where does he work?
Does he lose his shit in work/with pals/relatives? No?
Then he can control his temper but chooses not to when it suits him.

It must be very frightening walking on eggshells which it sounds like you are doing.

Have you sat down and told him how his behaviour makes you feel?

[Apple]

Could you go and talk normally to the neighbours? It does sound irritating if they keep doing something like that.
What will happen now after the roaring incident? Will they stop or do they just ignore him?

[Stripy]

You lost me at *has a fiery temper at the best of times*.
This is not normal.
Where does he work?
Does he lose his shit in work/with pals/relatives? No?
Then he can control his temper but chooses not to when it suits him.

It must be very frightening walking on eggshells which it sounds like you are doing.

Have you sat down and told him how his behaviour makes you feel?

I don't think this is helping the OP!
Things like this can be very fraught, sounds like it was the last straw. In any advice I've ever read about disputes with neighbours it always recommends to keep them onside. Have you spoken about the issues with them before? I'm not sure what to recommend. Would you and your DH be able to go over together and do it in a calm way? Would they be reasonable, or is there a danger it would escalate?

[Nay-brrr]

He can get cross, yes. In this case it is justified. The neighbours are hugely antagonisitic, their family has squatted on and commandeered public land for their own use. The dad is very difficult to deal with. I hate talking with him as he has these mad spates of accusing us of stuff. But I dislike conflict so I nod and smile and ignore where possible.
But for example, an old friend of my parents called in, an older lady. His dog bit her and she was very shaken, crying. After she left he came up to our house and started yelling at me that people shouldn't be on the private road because his dog likes to roam about.
I told him to piss off, how dare he. It's his fault the dog bit her and everyone who wants can park there.
He is insufferable. I don't blame DH for having a go. The issue is that it isn't hugely helpful because the neighbour is so difficult and we have to live here.
we have had nails in our tyres and our own dog has been poisined before, and it would not surprise me one iota if it was the neighbour.

[Nodrog]

I think getting to the route of his temper is key here Stripy.
It's the neighbours today, who will it be tomorrow?
The OP themselves has admitted he *has a fiery temper* that type of behaviour isn't normal, shouldn't be condoned and needs to be addressed.

I'm sorry if I offended you OP, I certainly didn't mean to.
By all means chat with the neighbours calmly. I'm sure it's very frustrating asking them to move. Is there any way at all you could separate the entrance?

[Stripy]

Naybrr, it sounds very intimidating and you are obviously worried about consequences. Would your DH be able to say sorry I lost the head but I was frustrated at not being able to park.

[StarryNight]

Those neighbours sound like a nightmare. Can you move?

[CocoRose]

Sounds like it doesn't matter what the approach is. I dont envy you. They do sound dangerous so your DH may have to find a new approach as shouting isnt working it's just adding stress.

[Sally]

Move.

[Bubbles]

That’s horrendous op, I absolutely couldn’t live with neighbours like that. The stress of it. I can’t blame your dh for losing the head as he probably has it up to his neck at this stage but if you are worried about the implications this will have maybe you need to go to the guards.

[Smoke]

I cant blame your dh for losing the rag, but personally I think I'd try to move house.
I know you say you need to live there but this situation isn't healthy.
In the meantime I'd be logging everything i could with the gardai. The neighbour is quite comfortable threatening you and damaging your property. This is the type of stuff that you read in the papers about, usually escalating then ending with violence.

[jammymammy]

Move.

Anybody who looks at the house and is interested will be deterred by the shared driveway. Solicitor will advise against.

[Tinky]

I’m sure it had been though about but is there any way to separate the driveway. Growing up we had one and it worked because the older couple next to us had no car and we only had one but I can’t imagine what it would have been like if we hadn’t have got on or they were assholes. I could imagine my dad being like your DH.

We had a shared garden with the neighbours on the other side but when their grandkids got a bit older my parents must have agreed to put up a fence as it’s hard to tell kids about an imaginary boundary.

Back to your dilemma - if you can’t separate the driveway. It doesn’t sound like talking calmly to these people works either and they will retaliate in their petty way. I think I’d be calling into the guards and just lodging the issues you’ve mentioned in case it escalates. I’m sorry you are going through this.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Jumping Bean]

When you say a shared driveway do you mean in a housing estate? So you are in a semi and share with the neighbours not attached?

Or is it something else?

If it’s in an estate could you get your front garden paved so you can park there? We had this set up growing up and a lot of the neighbours had issues with it.

I know what it’s like to fall out with neighbours it’s so stressful.