My daughter was sexually assaulted

[Distraught]

I’m a long time member ( I can verify by pm’ing admin )

It’s been a few weeks and we are really struggling to help her, we have been offered no help or counselling, she is 15 and when we rang Tulsa for help the person on the phone asked did she give consent
Rape crisis told us she is too young for them to help, CARI need a referral from Tulsa … it’s so frustrating

She has been through all the tests, swabs etc in the SA unit in the rotunda , guards have been good but we have to wait and hope the person who did this is caught

I’m also stressed out of my head about Christmas, how do we make it normal for her, neither myself of my husband have been able to work for these last few weeks, and any money we had we have used on her or food as none of us could even think to cook food
So now we are in an awful situation where we can’t afford Christmas and she will absolutely blame herself for it … I can not let this happen but I don’t know where to look for help ..
Jesus I just want to but her a phone ( guards took hers )

social welfare won’t help as we both have jobs
Jesus no where is offering us help mentally or financially

Can anyone please please advise me
I’m really struggling but can’t let her see me fall apart or the family
She needs our strength and some kind of normality

[RDR]

I'm so sorry.

Talk to Vincent de Paul. This is an unusual crisis and they may be able to help financially both with Christmas and possibly towards private counselling. You mention needing normality and that you both work. It may be that going back to work (and school?) is part of what she needs to see happen. Is it possible that you could get any support through work by way of an advance on wages? I know that'd be rare but maybe. Talk to the Gardai about how long they need her phone for.

There's no mention of Tusla on the gov.ie site so I'd go back again. https://www.gov.ie/en/publication/46300 ... -yourself/
Or ask the SATU whether what you've been told is correct.

Dublin Sexual Assault Treatment Unit (SATU)

Service available 24 hours a day 365 days a year

Located in Rotunda Hospital, Dublin 1.

Dublin Rape Crisis Centre psychological support workers are available to all patients.

CARI offers psychological support for patients aged 14-15 attending the unit. CARI also provide an aftercare phone support service for any adult/s involved in supporting a child through a forensic process.

For advice or to book an appointment ring the unit on 01 8171736 Mon- Fri 08.00 and 16.00

Out of hours contact Rotunda Hospital 018171700 and ask for SATU.

Lastly, if you need Tusla to get a referral to Cari then go back to them.

[DiscoGirl]

I’m so sorry ye are going through this, I don’t know what to add to RDRs advice, I just hope someone can help ye xx

[Rita]

Sorry you are going through this. So awful

Could you get her a phone on a plan or would a family member help?

Ask at Vincent de Paul for assistance, they help families that need help ..whatever the circumstances…doesn’t matter that you are working, unfortunately lots of people are and are struggling.

Would you talk to your gp about counselling for yourself?

[Driven Demented]

Firstly I'm so sorry this has happened to your daughter and to your family. I naively thought the Rape Crisis Centre would have been able to help you. I'm wondering if Jigsaw would have suitable resources. I know they are based nationwide. Could you give them a call? I'm trying to paste the link here so hope it works.

https://jigsaw.ie/

I would also suggest that you and your dh consider going back to work. Would you be able to go partime for the first while? While it might seem like the last thing in the world you want to do now it might actually help.

Take care of yourselves. I really hope the perpetrator is found and held accountable.

[rosepetal]

I'm so sorry to hear about your dd, that must be so distressing for you all.
I can only reiterate what the previous posters said about the SVdeP, they are 100% the people to approach for assistance.

[JennyC]

I can’t pm you.

I’m so sorry you and your family re going through this.

Please call SVP for help. 1800 677 777. Or email if you’d prefer. It says that it can take up to 10 days to reply but it never takes that long in my experience and if you need to ring a second time do.


I have a 15 year old and can’t imagine what you all must be going through.

Jenny


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[molls]

Your distress comes across in your post. Your mind is clearly racing and the time of the year makes it worse.

Obviously your key concern is your daughter. But you can't help her if you don't mind yourself.

Do your jobs or health insurance provide free counselling you could avail of?

Have you spoken to your GP? I would be surprised if they wouldn't give you a sick cert for the last couple of weeks as you are clearly very stressed. If you get a sick cert you can at least get social welfare for that time.

Can you and your DH sit down this evening and identify the various issues, work out what the priorities are and divide the work of doing what you can. This situation is one that makes you feel very powerless so getting something done will help you feel better.

Don't be too ambitious. For example you might decide to cook but use a jar to make it easier. Unfortunately you can't make it all better for your daughter, but doing something small like playing her favourite song or watching her favourite comedy with her is within your control.

And decide on something you will do tomorrow for you. It could be take a walk alone, go for a drive and scream in the privacy of the car, go for a coffee. This is a long haul. You need to mind yourself.

[feebiefoo]

So sorry this happened to your dd. If you call Crime Victims Helpline https://www.crimevictimshelpline.ie/ Freefone 11606 they can provide info on available resources, they are very helpful.

Also, Accompaniment Support Services for Children ASSC (https://assc.ie/) may be able to help. They provide support through the forensic examination and the actual court process if/when it goes to trial. They also provide phone support for families (adults)



Sent from my SM-A515F using Tapatalk

[twinfun]

I’m so sorry that you have not been offered more support for your daughter
I personally would try to go back to work part time if possible and ask your GP for a medical certificate to at least claim social welfare

Do ask VSP for help with food or money towards a present for your daughter and any other siblings

I know I was offered victim support through Gardai after a incident ( not sexual assault) years ago
So maybe approach them again for support and counselling suggestions too

[notonthefence]

OP, sorry you are going through this.
Are you sure Rape Crisis can't help?
https://rcne.ie/counselling-for-teenagers/
You are under huge stress right now, and it is obvious from your post that your thoughts are all over the place.
I think, as said earlier, that you really need to take time to process what has happened.
Firstly, you and your husband needed that time off work. You needed to be there for your daughter at one of the most traumatic times of her life.
She is not going to enjoy Christmas, not because of what you have done, but because of what was done to her. Don't blame yourself for that.
Even if you put on a fantastic display for Christmas, do you really think she will be in the humour for it? Faking a sense of festivity is doing just that, faking it. Obviously nobody wants to be miserable on Christmas day, but try not to focus too much on one day.
Keep it simple, and look forward to better times ahead.
As others have said, SVDP will help, call them.

[Vino]

I'm so sorry this has happened, hopefully some of the advice above will help.
Are either of you been paid or claiming any social welfare while off work? Surely under the circumstances you could be signed off on sick leave for stress and at least claim illness benefit?

[Ticka]

I am very sorry for what your dd and your family are going through. As your dd is only 15 the children’s services may be the most appropriate Avenue to explore. There are clinics in main hospitals in Dublin who support children and their families. This is a link to the CHI at Connolly, I am sure if you call them they can advise on where to go
https://childrenshealthireland.ie/conno ... ares-unit/
You are clearly taking great care of your dd, allow your friends and family to do the same for you

[Shining]

I'm so sorry to read this. I agree with the St. Vincent de Paul...they may even be able to help with a phone...please reach out to them.
I think Jigsaw might be a good place to seek support for your daughter. But there are lots of suggestions here.
I'm so sorry this has happened. For your daughter, you and your family. And that you are so unsupported.
You sound so upset - I cannot imagine what you are going through...but you are supporting your child through a terrible time; remember that, you sound so caring and loving. Love is the most important thing at Xmas.

[Posher]

I'm so sorry to read this OP. What an awful thing for you all to deal with. You've had good advice up thread.

Just to add I had reason to contact the Rape Crisis Centre a few years ago regarding a 15 year old friend of my daughter (some posters might remember me seeking advice here at the time). They refused to deal with me (well her) and sent me to CARI as she was under 18. I got nothing much out of them either but then it was passed to her mum. I've had no contact with the mum since so I've no idea how she went about getting support. I'm just posting really to back up the fact the RCC won't deal with her - you're correct.