Only One Not Promoted

[Sally]

Hi Sally,
I suppose I'm not really thinking too clearly.

I just don't want to go to work on Monday (or really ever).
I'm depressed even thinking about it.
I can't sleep, I've barely eaten and my tongue is all funny, like dried up and sore.

Ok, so you don’t want to go to work because you are upset and disappointed and so on. Not because you are in ongoing pain.

I think you need to separate the two issues.
If you don’t want to go to work on Monday due to not sleeping and being upset over being passed over etc, then do that. But I personally wouldn’t tie it to a different issue that is under control with pain killers. (If it’s not under control that’s different)

But before doing so, think about what will change with a few days off? The same issue will await when you return to work.

In your situation, I think you would be better to go into work on Monday , do your work as normal and if you feel that strongly in a few days time , either take a few days off then, or ask for another discussion with your manager and put your cards on the table. Or, if you are feeling REALLY bad about the place, hand in your notice and leave your employment on good terms.

But when you go out sick like that on a knee jerk reaction it can sometimes be harder to return to work…. Things can build up and up in your head and before you know it you’re off work for a couple weeks and it can be difficult to get back in to work.

Maybe others see it differently, but personally I wouldn’t mix things up. I’d try to deal with things professionally and deal with the disappointment either by having another discussion or moving to a new employer.
But going out sick, while sometimes the easy option, doesn’t always work out as the best option.

[Apple]

I think she meant that she could attribute it to an ongoing issue in the case that they tried to be awkward about her going off now.

Op I wouldn’t blame you for taking time to get back to yourself if you are feeling bad. You are mentally feeling pretty bad at the minute by the sounds of things and your employer doesn’t really value you.

[Upset]

I'm in physical pain, the operation was a success but I've been left with pain. (Lower back). Some days it's worse than others. Stress aggravates it because of the way I'm tensing my body (I imagine).

Apple is right and said it better than me. I could attribute my absence to my post op pain rather than the stress of this and by my having a prescription dated prior to this issue I've proof.that I didn't go running to the doctor after all this, I was at the doctor the week before.

But I think you are right, if I go sick it will be difficult if not impossible for me to ever go back. And that's really not me.

It's a total knee jerk reaction from me but I'm hurting so much and my self esteem is very low.

I was asked (during my appraisal) why I didn't apply for a position that was advertised last year (and not filled) and I said I didn't have the qualifications and my boss said that didn't stop external people going for it. Afterwards I thought, well if they thought I could do it why didn't they suggest it to me.

But I suppose I'm responsible for my career development and I'm not sure what I want. I'm muddled a bit.

I do think I need time off in fact my boss offered time off to me *take a few days* and *deal with your feelings* but I said I was fine.
Because I 100% know it would get around and the reason why I was off would be very obvious.
By taking time off due to post op pain it would be a. True and b. Believable to others.

[notonthefence]

OP, you are in a very difficult place right now and I think you are doing the right thing by looking elsewhere.
TBH, though I wouldn't go out sick unless you really are sick. If you feel you need it for your mental health then of course take care of yourself. But as said earlier, it can make it harder to go back.
I know it is really difficult right now to separate the personal feelings from the professional side of things, but it really is not a good look if you want to move elsewhere. It is easier to get a new job if you are in employment, rather than outside of employment. So, hard as it might be, focus on your aim of moving onwards and upwards.
That is not a criticism, but just from a neutral observer based on my own work area.
Leave on your own terms with your head held high.

[janeymac]

I can totally understand the disappointment and anger and not wanting to have anything more to do with your employer op. However, as others have said, I wouldn't go out sick unless you really can't work. Take a day or 2 sure, but nothing prolonged.
You have been an exemplary employee by the sounds of it. At this point, on your way out the door, I wouldn't give them anything to use as any criticism against you. People do talk and if you go out sick on the back of not being promoted, this is what will be said. Of course, some will think you're dead right but I think you'd be handing your company an excuse for no promotion. Eaten bread is soon forgotten etc.. Your previous years can get eclipsed by an inference that you went out sick in protest.
Personally, hard as it is, I wouldn't let them force me into this. I'd steel myself up and go in. Do your work but no overtime etc. And just think to yourself, you are making plans and you are leaving. Put your energy into finding another job but leave as the brilliant employee you have been to date.
I wouldn't let them force you into slinking away from your job. Then you give them control of the narrative.
Leave with head held high as someone else said. Let them know they have lost a great employee. And nobody will be able to say any different.

[Grasscutter]

I completely understand why your mother suggested going sick and if you were my daughter I would probably suggest the same - it's very hard for parents to watch their kids be in this kind of distress. However, if you were my BFF I wouldn't suggest it. I'd tell you - you can do this = show up, do the job and give them absolutely no reason to ever think they made the right decision not to promote you.. Hard as it's going to be you've got to kill them with kindness. I can guarantee you, if you go sick it will be seen as sulking - I've seen it happen before and the discussions in management when this sort of thing happens are not pretty. You may not care what your current employers think of you now - but even park the issue of references or impact on future employment - I think it will make it harder to return and will impact your self-esteem even more because it's not your style.
Focus on your mental health though - do plan nice things to do on your days off and find ways to distract yourself from this - I would see my GP or take a counselling session in your position - many employers have a free counselling service and it's completely independent and your employer has no right to know that you've used it.
I'd book some annual leave if possible.
I've no idea what your job is like but one thing I know that is really good for mental health is recording achievements. I wonder could you get a notebook and jot down mini achievements in your work-day which would also serve as a reminder that you are good at your job. that your are productive, no matter what your employers think. It might also help in any upcominig interview situations or even if the topic of non-promotion at your current job was to arise again. I know if you were to jot down what any two workers in my job did in a day - in many instances it would shock their managers how different the levels in productivity actually are.

[Upset]

There is a bit of a delay between my posting and when it's published as it needs to be approved by admin so apologies, I'm not ignoring your replies an I really appreciate your guidance and honesty. I need that. I need honest independent guidance and not guidance from people who love me.

I've an amazing husband, college aged kids, own our home outright, have a substantial inheritance coming to us next year so I'm really lucky.
I'm focusing on all the positives in my life.
I think I was overly emotionally involved because I'm there so long.

I'm not about to let my track record slip.
I will hold my head high, work to my usual standard (but official hours only) and plan my exit strategy.
I know my worth. My feelings are my feelings, I have control over my emotions. I'm not as upset as I was last week however I'm very glad I didn't hold back.
Perhaps I could have been less emotional in my discussions but that's done n dusted, I can't go back.

This new role being offered to me is interesting but it won't keep me there.

[Sally]

Good woman.
You can go in to work lighter in spirit, knowing you have all these positives in your life, and a bit of clarity around moving to someplace that values you a bit more.

Mortgage free, with inheritance coming soon gives you huge financial freedom to do what’s right for you.

[notonthefence]

I was asked (during my appraisal) why I didn't apply for a position that was advertised last year (and not filled) and I said I didn't have the qualifications and my boss said that didn't stop external people going for it. Afterwards I thought, well if they thought I could do it why didn't they suggest it to me

Slightly off topic but perhaps an insight as to why women less aggressive in pursuing career progression.

https://abcnews.go.com/Business/women-a ... d=61531741

[Grasscutter]

I was asked (during my appraisal) why I didn't apply for a position that was advertised last year (and not filled) and I said I didn't have the qualifications and my boss said that didn't stop external people going for it. Afterwards I thought, well if they thought I could do it why didn't they suggest it to me

Slightly off topic but perhaps an insight as to why women less aggressive in pursuing career progression.

https://abcnews.go.com/Business/women-a ... d=61531741

Just on the point of ‘why didn’t they suggest it to me?” - as a manager I’ve been frustrated by people not apply for roles I wanted them to apply for any my colleagues are the same but we would never suggest - it’s dangerous ground as if they get the position it can be perceived as a fix and if they don’t there can be bad resentment.

[Rita]

So true Grasscutter ..It’s hard as also if they don’t get it the person could get more upset as it was suggested they apply. It’s tough as a manager as you can’t say anything directly..I know that was the case recently with a friend who didn’t go for a position as she felt not qualified enough but afterwards their manager said they should have even to show they were interested in promotion but the manager couldn’t say it at the time. They had emailed everyone on their team to say the job was advertised and that’s all they could really do.

Op I hope things work out for the best for you. Even some experience in the new role may be good for you if it’s different work.
Try and make a list of positives in work too and don’t work when you are off. Turn off those notifications!

[HydrangeaQueen]

Hydrangaqueen. You are right.

The more I think of it the more bizarre it is.
3 of the promotions were already Senior Management Level, and each have been appointed to the title *director*.
One new *director* has 1 person reporting to them.
The second new *director* has 2 people reporting to them.
The 3rd, has a team.


I really do think it's a strategic move to make the company look bigger than they are. And also announced in front of these *new* recruits. Who have been told *if you work hard you get rewarded here*

I would love the name of the recruiter please

Upset, I can't PM you and don't want to post it publicly as I could then be identified.

[fluffy]

OP - you know your worth, you're in a good position. View it as an opportunity to move upwards to (hopefully) something you will enjoy and be valued in your role. I can totally understand your stress at thinking of going into work, but put your big girl pants on and smash it. Your days going in there are limited. Better things ahead.

[mcmammy2]

So sorry you didn't get promoted. It is not a nice feeling I am sure. I do think going in shows maturity however much I am sure you would love to march off into the sunset. Use your spare time to research jobs, update the CV and find somewhere that values what you have to offer and is a better fit. Some places just don't value what you have to offer. I worked in a place that valued micromanagement, detailed work but not big picture thinking. I am a big picture thinker no matter how hard I tried over the many years I was there I was not the right fit. I now work in an area where what I have to offer is valued greatly and I love every day even the stressful ones. Life is too short to stay where you are not valued. Onwards and upwards and best of luck this may be the start of something really great

[Upset]

I looked back at last year's letter re salary/bonus.

The subject line was *thank you for all your hard work and excellent performance*

Is *excellent performance* just doing my day to day job?