I called the Gardai in relation to my husband

[anon76]

Regular going anon. My husband is generally mild mannered but he does have anger issues/mood swings. We have been getting on much better the past few months. However, this week, his mood swings have been horrendous. He came home from work this evening. I WFH and I did have a very tough day. What started as a silly argument blew up. He started swearing at me, which I absolutely hate. Mocking me, etc. I said, I am out of here to cool down. He then threatened to take my car keys so I couldn't go anywhere. My 15 year old son was here at the time and he was very upset. My eldest son who is 21 came in and my husband calmed down. I got my keys and left. I have never seen him rage like this before and I was shaking and very upset. He has never shouted at the kids or physical. In fact, he is a great Dad to them. I called my local Garda station for advice and they said they would send a car to our house. Two Gardai arrived. Took my husband's details. A Garda then called me and said they spoke to my husband and he and I would be requested to fill out a form. The Garda asked did I feel in any danger and I said no. They were satisfied that my children were not in danger either. My husband is now in bits. He said he is leaving. He feels it was a "stupid row" and I blew this all up to spite him. He is calm now and said he is done.
He is now panicking over his job. He is a Prison Officer. I have obviously not pressed charges. Girls, now I feel I am in the wrong. He has already left and it is left to me to explain to my children why he is gone. I am in bits here

[Milis]

He's gaslighting you. If he cared he would be upset that you felt unsafe enough to call the Garda on him not about his job or reputation. Let him leave it's better that he did.

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[Vino]

How are you now, do you have anyone you can call to be with you?
Why did you call the police, were you scared? I'm confused because you say you've never seen him in a rage like this and you were shaking but I'm assuming you didn't feel in danger when you left the kids there?
I think you've got to get clear in your own head what made you make that call. Were you in fear of him or what could happen without intervention? Or is it possible you wanted something to shake him up and an outside influence to let him know his behaviour is unacceptable because he won't hear it from you. Don't let your husbands opinion influence yours.

I think you'd be wise to edit your post and edit the ages, genders and occupation you've given. It's made you recognisable as a poster and this forum isn't private. I hope you get some advice here of where to go next.

[Shining]

You're not in the wrong.
I used to get that. Minimisation of horrific events.
I also had a calling the police incident and an ambulance and it was completely minimised. Like I was some kind of crazy for doing it.
I think part of it is the fact that a third party is aware of their behaviour...mine was total Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
He is responsible for his actions.
Hope you are OK xx

[anon76]

How are you now, do you have anyone you can call to be with you?
Why did you call the police, were you scared? I'm confused because you say you've never seen him in a rage like this and you were shaking but I'm assuming you didn't feel in danger when you left the kids there?
I think you've got to get clear in your own head what made you make that call. Were you in fear of him or what could happen without intervention? Or is it possible you wanted something to shake him up and an outside influence to let him know his behaviour is unacceptable because he won't hear it from you. Don't let your husbands opinion influence yours.

I think you'd be wise to edit your post and edit the ages, genders and occupation you've given. It's made you recognisable as a poster and this forum isn't private. I hope you get some advice here of where to go next.

Thanks - I would never have left my youngest if I thought he as at risk. I am the main focus of my husband's anger/frustration. My adult son and his partner were here also. I really don't know why I called. I was terrified at the prospect of him taking my car key and I need my car for work. I was at the end of my rope. He is not a bad man. He has mental health issues ( I know, the old cliche - almost blaming myself ) I just feel so lost.......

[anon76]

Also to add. He assumes because he is not hitting me, it is fine. He said it was a normal row. No big deal but has left as Gardai were called and it will now potentially cause him hassle. Although I don't think it will as no charges were brought. I just feel such a mess at the minute

[Vino]

It sounds like you felt you needed help. I think your husband should be looking at his behaviour and asking why not blaming you.
I think it's good he's gone for now. You need time and space to figure out how you feel about all of this. He does too but don't allow his absence to force you into trying to sweep what happened under the carpet. What happened and why needs to be addressed. Get your own head straight and don't allow his version of events to negate yours.

Just so you're aware, you've posted under your regular username.

[Alice2011]

I don't have advice as such but just felt I should acknowledge your post. You must feel confused and sad. Hope you're OK. You're not wrong in what you did. You're right to have done what you did if you felt you needed to do that. Mind yourself.

[Nodrog]

Fitstly, I hope you are okay.

He is NOT a great Dad. If he was then he wouldn't be abusing his wife.
You say *My husband is generally mild mannered but he does have anger issues/mood swings* - this is NOT normal behaviour.
This isn't how a loving husband behaves. A loving husband doesn't swear, shout and mock his wife.


Can you call women's aid and ask for support.

[NannyOgg]

He was being abusive.
He wouldn’t stop.
It’s not the first time.
He threatened to stop you leaving the house.
It was only the intervention of your adult child that allowed you to leave.
He is now minimising his behaviour and the distress he has caused you and the kids.

These are not the actions of a good husband or a good father, OP, and you did the right thing in calling the gardaí. Take a look at this link, maybe talk to someone there, and have a think about what’s best for you and your DC https://www.womensaid.ie/help/warningsigns.html

Good luck.

[anon76]

Thank you all. I am no crying feeling so sorry for him I now this sounds so pathetic and I am normally a strong, sensible person. I am terrified he will harm himself as I know he is not well. But yes, I agree, it is up to him to get better. He has refused any attempt at help. From what I can see, he is seriously depressed but he will not get help. I am now left with my children asking where he is, etc.....

[DiscoGirl]

I’m wondering why you called the guards? What did you want them to do ?
Hope ur okay now?

[Nodrog]

The OP called the Gardai for advice

[Kensington]

He was being abusive.
He wouldn’t stop.
It’s not the first time.
He threatened to stop you leaving the house.
It was only the intervention of your adult child that allowed you to leave.
He is now minimising his behaviour and the distress he has caused you and the kids.

These are not the actions of a good husband or a good father, OP, and you did the right thing in calling the gardaí. Take a look at this link, maybe talk to someone there, and have a think about what’s best for you and your DC https://www.womensaid.ie/help/warningsigns.html

Good luck.

this. you called the guards because you were afraid. You were afraid because your husband has unpredictable rages and this time you felt he crossed a line. your instincts were screaming at you to get out and then hung in long enough for you to call the guards - well done you.

You should talk to someone in real life. you did the right thing. You protected yourself.

[DiscoGirl]

Is your 15 year old ok ?