Can't afford to separate? How do people do it?

This is a public forum allowing posting as a guest.
Message
Author
Sad
Has thanked: 0
Been thanked: 0

Can't afford to separate? How do people do it?

#1 Post by Sad »

Just wondering how people afford to separate particularly living in dublin with the rental prices? We have a large mortgage with a very long time left, I can't afford that by myself and he can't afford to pay half and also rent, plus there's nowhere to rent and the cost is insane. What do people do?

angrybird
Posts: 4061
Joined: Wed Apr 16, 2014 11:30 pm
Has thanked: 14 times
Been thanked: 21 times

Re: Can't afford to separate? How do people do it?

#2 Post by angrybird »

Bump as only seeing this now to approve it.
DS1- 13
DS2-11
DS3- 9
DD- 8

User avatar
tea
Posts: 6673
Joined: Tue Apr 15, 2014 10:20 pm
Has thanked: 30 times
Been thanked: 33 times

Re: Can't afford to separate? How do people do it?

#3 Post by tea »

It's pretty difficult, and I reckon the reason some people stick it out for longer than they should.
It is possible though, and I'm sure that some HMs who have done it will be along to help.
Often one of the parents will be able to stay in the house til the kids are grown, and the house sold after that.

Grasscutter
Posts: 6775
Joined: Fri May 06, 2016 1:26 pm
Has thanked: 42 times
Been thanked: 91 times

Re: Can't afford to separate? How do people do it?

#4 Post by Grasscutter »

I don’t know is the honest answer. I got substantial help from a parent - I’m not sure how it would have been possible otherwise but I do feel sometimes that my exH benefited more. Basically my father bought his half of the house so he was in a position to buy somewhere else. I know I’m really lucky with that. And I often wonder what I’d have done if he hadn’t. But I think I’d have rather lived in a tent than stay under the same roof.

Unnamed Poster 8
Posts: 11154
Joined: Wed Jul 10, 2019 4:58 pm
Has thanked: 24 times
Been thanked: 18 times

Re: Can't afford to separate? How do people do it?

#5 Post by Unnamed Poster 8 »

Post Deleted

User avatar
molls
Posts: 6118
Joined: Sat Apr 26, 2014 4:02 pm
Has thanked: 89 times
Been thanked: 71 times

Re: Can't afford to separate? How do people do it?

#6 Post by molls »

Oh Sad, I am so sorry you are going through this.

I don't know how couples in Dublin manage it. My ex is currently in a house owned by his father, if he didn't have that I suppose he'd have moved in with his parents. The plan is for me to move out and get a mortgage next year.

Is there any equity in your house?

Definitely look into seeing what the bank will do for you.

I am sorry you are going through this.

Cinquecento
Posts: 1560
Joined: Sat May 08, 2021 8:16 pm
Has thanked: 17 times
Been thanked: 23 times

Re: Can't afford to separate? How do people do it?

#7 Post by Cinquecento »

They don’t in a lot of cases. I know of two couples who are separated but live in the same house because they simply cannot afford to rent elsewhere/buy each other out.

In other cases parents have helped them out significantly to buy out or rent another home.

kiko
Posts: 2123
Joined: Mon Jul 20, 2015 9:45 am
Has thanked: 16 times
Been thanked: 6 times

Re: Can't afford to separate? How do people do it?

#8 Post by kiko »

I was just about to say the same thing, that often they don’t. I know so many couples who are actually separated but unfortunately living under the same roof, including a sibling of DH’s and nobody would have any idea. DH also has a few friends who have moved out of the family home and back in with their mum. I have no idea what happens there when the youngest reaches 18, I presume the house is then sold.

You could speak to a solicitor for advice. Sorry you are in this situation.

Tinky
Posts: 18519
Joined: Mon Apr 28, 2014 4:07 pm
Has thanked: 137 times
Been thanked: 81 times

Re: Can't afford to separate? How do people do it?

#9 Post by Tinky »

It’s very hard - it took about 5 years of living together despite the marriage being effectively over and the last 2 being hell before he would go as he knew he’d be broke and have less disposable income for the fripperies and status symbols he likes.

We were lucky in that we had a buy to let mortgage on a holiday home 4 hours away so he effectively moved there by choice, it was where he wanted to be anyway but when seeing the kids he stayed with his brother initially. Not ideal and not sustainable. Then his uncle died and it took a year for the house to be sold so he used that. Again not ideal. He’s now renting said brothers house for a cheap rent but looking to end this as he’s obviously paying maintenance, renting a house in Dublin for every second weekend and paying the small mortgage and bills on the ex holiday home.

Quite a convoluted answer but that’s how we did and are doing it. Or at least he is.

We will sell the house in 4 years when the youngest turns 18, that’s quite a common scenario. Either that or 23 but my barrister suggested 18 as I’ll still be young enough to get a small mortgage.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Shining
Posts: 3229
Joined: Sat Feb 27, 2021 7:34 pm
Has thanked: 99 times
Been thanked: 179 times

Re: Can't afford to separate? How do people do it?

#10 Post by Shining »

We were renting so I continued renting that house. I subsequently bought a house.
A friend recently separated and her husband was putting pressure on her for house to be sold; anyway it's now agreed that it will be sold only after when last child finishes full time education.
Another friend had a house before she married and when she separated her ex did not want any part of her house as he felt it was hers before she met him. He's a decent bloke I must say (the only decent one I've come across in my separation experiences - I'm sure there are more but out of my own and other friend's experiences all exes started acting like shites. Be prepared).
I'm sorry this is happening to you.

Posher
Posts: 8380
Joined: Tue Apr 15, 2014 11:58 pm
Has thanked: 15 times
Been thanked: 41 times

Re: Can't afford to separate? How do people do it?

#11 Post by Posher »

I know of at least 8 couples around my area that just continue living separate lives in the same house. Not just as a temporary arrangement as many of them are going on 5 plus years like that.

User avatar
molls
Posts: 6118
Joined: Sat Apr 26, 2014 4:02 pm
Has thanked: 89 times
Been thanked: 71 times

Re: Can't afford to separate? How do people do it?

#12 Post by molls »

If you are anywhere near a 3rd level institution and have a spare room, would you consider letting a room to a student and using that money to help fund accommodation for your estranged spouse? I know it's not ideal but I think I would prefer to share with random students than an ex.
These users thanked the author molls for the post:
Tinky

Sad
Has thanked: 0
Been thanked: 0

Re: Can't afford to separate? How do people do it?

#13 Post by Sad »

Thanks for the replies very helpful. I can't believe so many people end up living together when they're not in a marriage. It's an awful situation.
We have a spare room so at least that's something

Overthere
Posts: 2259
Joined: Sun Apr 20, 2014 6:40 pm
Has thanked: 8 times
Been thanked: 2 times

Re: Can't afford to separate? How do people do it?

#14 Post by Overthere »

It’s torturous. We’re still under same roof and I’m flustered trying to work out a plan. I effectively stumped up a significant sum as deposit got house so trying to get that back plus increase would afford me a 2 bed townhouse outright. It’s just perfect but it would be a manageable space and all mine.

Unnamed Poster 8
Posts: 11154
Joined: Wed Jul 10, 2019 4:58 pm
Has thanked: 24 times
Been thanked: 18 times

Re: Can't afford to separate? How do people do it?

#15 Post by Unnamed Poster 8 »

Post Deleted
These users thanked the author Unnamed Poster 8 for the post:
NDM

Post Reply

Return to “Advice/Anon”