Father commenting on my weight

[Grasscutter]

I’m obviously in the minority but maybe he was just concerned and didn’t realise you were so sensitive about it? It doesn’t sound malicious at all to me. I’d agree 12 isn’t very overweight but you seem to agree that you need to lose weight so you do agree with him.

I would think any concern for someone who is a size 12 is seriously misplaced. And the OP either wanting or needing to lose weight is nobody's business but the OP's. If I were concerned about a loved one's weight the last thing I would do is mention their weight. It never, ever helps.

And in reality, concern is more appropriate in instances where someone has lost weight as it can be a sign of serious illness but the natural reaction in our society is to congratulate someone and compliment them.

[mumtoa]

Size 12 on a woman who is 5 foot 0 is one thing - size 12 in a woman who is 6 foot is a different matter . Saying a person wearing a size 12 is a healthy weight, in isolation, is misinformed.

[Aphex]

I’m obviously in the minority but maybe he was just concerned and didn’t realise you were so sensitive about it? It doesn’t sound malicious at all to me. I’d agree 12 isn’t very overweight but you seem to agree that you need to lose weight so you do agree with him.

I would think any concern for someone who is a size 12 is seriously misplaced. And the OP either wanting or needing to lose weight is nobody's business but the OP's. If I were concerned about a loved one's weight the last thing I would do is mention their weight. It never, ever helps.

And in reality, concern is more appropriate in instances where someone has lost weight as it can be a sign of serious illness but the natural reaction in our society is to congratulate someone and compliment them.

Just a point on weight loss and society’s reaction. I’ve lost a lot of weight since I got sick and 2 yrs later still can’t manage to put it on. I’m 7 stone at the moment and the amount of people who comment on my weight is actually mental. Nobody seems to think it’s off limits at all. I use to get really upset over it but now I pull them up on it or ask them would they comment on someone who is overweight. So in a way thankfully I don’t think society compliment you any more, but also I hate that people seem to think it’s ok to comment on someone’s weight because they are skinny.

[Apple]

I’m obviously in the minority but maybe he was just concerned and didn’t realise you were so sensitive about it? It doesn’t sound malicious at all to me. I’d agree 12 isn’t very overweight but you seem to agree that you need to lose weight so you do agree with him.

I would think any concern for someone who is a size 12 is seriously misplaced. And the OP either wanting or needing to lose weight is nobody's business but the OP's. If I were concerned about a loved one's weight the last thing I would do is mention their weight. It never, ever helps.

And in reality, concern is more appropriate in instances where someone has lost weight as it can be a sign of serious illness but the natural reaction in our society is to congratulate someone and compliment them.

This is a genuine question. If you were concerned about a family members weight what would you do?

[Happymammy]

I’m obviously in the minority but maybe he was just concerned and didn’t realise you were so sensitive about it? It doesn’t sound malicious at all to me. I’d agree 12 isn’t very overweight but you seem to agree that you need to lose weight so you do agree with him.

I would think any concern for someone who is a size 12 is seriously misplaced. And the OP either wanting or needing to lose weight is nobody's business but the OP's. If I were concerned about a loved one's weight the last thing I would do is mention their weight. It never, ever helps.

And in reality, concern is more appropriate in instances where someone has lost weight as it can be a sign of serious illness but the natural reaction in our society is to congratulate someone and compliment them.

This is a genuine question. If you were concerned about a family members weight what would you do?

Absolutely nothing. A person's weight is no one's business except their own and I can guarantee you that no one is more aware of their weight than the individual themselves. What they don't need is other people pointing it out too

Edited to add
The only exception to this in my mind would be if it was one of my children when they were under 18, in which case I wouldn't even think about mentioning itto them, I would just try to make small changes in the overall family diet and exercise levels without the child ever knowing why.

[Apple]

Even to the point where it’s a health issue? I think that’s simplistic.

[Rita]

Well if any of my family mentioned my weight to me I would be so upset as I put on a lot due to meds and it wouldn’t help me so not sure how saying it to a person would help.
If someone lost a lot of weight I wouldn’t say it either but might ask their closest if they were ok..obviously if that was me and someone said to me that x has lost a lot of weight I would subtly see was it purposely or not .

Op perhaps your dad was trying to help but did it all wrong. Maybe he wanted to help you as he knew weight upsets you?

[Happymammy]

Even to the point where it’s a health issue? I think that’s simplistic.

But why would it be anyones business but their own? Do people go around telling all their family members what they think is unhealthy about them or just the overweight ones?

[Aphex]

Even to the point where it’s a health issue? I think that’s simplistic.

The OP said she suffered previously from disordered eating. She's size 12. You said uothread that size 12 "isn't that overweight". I'm genuinely shocked that anyone would consider size 12 in any way overweight. Do people generally think that's the case?

[Apple]

I would say most family members would mention if they thought someone engaging in something that was damaging their health yes. I do think that if someone is dangerously obese it does impact the whole family and will continue to if they die.

[Apple]

Even to the point where it’s a health issue? I think that’s simplistic.

The OP said she suffered previously from disordered eating. She's size 12. You said uothread that size 12 "isn't that overweight". I'm genuinely shocked that anyone would consider size 12 in any way overweight. Do people generally think that's the case?

To be clear I’ve moved on to a general discussion, im not talking about op.

[Aphex]

Even to the point where it’s a health issue? I think that’s simplistic.

The OP said she suffered previously from disordered eating. She's size 12. You said uothread that size 12 "isn't that overweight". I'm genuinely shocked that anyone would consider size 12 in any way overweight. Do people generally think that's the case?

To be clear I’ve moved on to a general discussion, im not talking about op.

Yes but the question re size 12 still stands.

[Apple]

Do I think size 12 is overweight? My reading from op is that she thinks she is therefore I take her lead.

[Happymammy]

I would say most family members would mention if they thought someone engaging in something that was damaging their health yes. I do think that if someone is dangerously obese it does impact the whole family and will continue to if they die.

I wouldn't dream of mentioning it to someone. Do you think the person themselves wouldn't already know and need you to point it out? From past experience, someone 'helpfully' highlighting my weight would have driven me to shame eating, not to suddenly being enlightened and deciding to lose the weight.
I just don't understand what people think is going to be achieved other than making the person feel shame and devaluation

[Grasscutter]

I’m obviously in the minority but maybe he was just concerned and didn’t realise you were so sensitive about it? It doesn’t sound malicious at all to me. I’d agree 12 isn’t very overweight but you seem to agree that you need to lose weight so you do agree with him.

I would think any concern for someone who is a size 12 is seriously misplaced. And the OP either wanting or needing to lose weight is nobody's business but the OP's. If I were concerned about a loved one's weight the last thing I would do is mention their weight. It never, ever helps.

And in reality, concern is more appropriate in instances where someone has lost weight as it can be a sign of serious illness but the natural reaction in our society is to congratulate someone and compliment them.

This is a genuine question. If you were concerned about a family members weight what would you do?

I'm not a qualified doctor so I don't think it's my place to be concerned and even a qualified doctor will tell you that weight is just one aspect of what determines whether a person is healthy or not - many overweight people are pretty healthy. We are conditioned not to see them that way but it's true. Many overweight people are pretty unhealthy too but no one but a person's own medical doctor can really diagnose that.
But you accuse me of being simplistic so let's take an extreme example - a loved one who is so overweight that it is having an obvious impact on their ability to enjoy life - well then I would do my best to support that person in every way possible without mentioning their weight. That's what I would do. Don't judge. Don't comment. Don't do anything that is likely to make the situation worse. Don't show up with salad. But show up. Be good company. Listen. Have fun together. Because they need that when they live in a world where so many people just see fat and unhealthy.