Ghosted by a friend

[Jane b82]

Happened to me too, not a best friend but we were in a group with one other girl and regularly met for walks and coffee and kdis playdate and nights out too. One day out of the blue she stopped responding to me and wouldn't look at me at school runs. Drove me mad and about a year later the other girl in the group finally told me it was because my son didn't ask her son to his birthday party, they were in same class but not friends really, my son only asked 2 girls and one boy from his class so it wasn't like we left one child out. I was very annoyed because too much time had passed to bring it up then. Such a shame

[TCR]

Happened with me years ago. We’re great friends in college. Then through our early working years. At each other’s weddings etc. Then she moved away and we kept up contact. Calling to each other’s houses. Lunches out that sort of thing. Four of us who were very close in college and she just vanished.
Just found out yesterday that she is very unwell. Serious illness. Two of our four have contacted her. She has seen the messages but no response. Phone calls unanswered. We don’t know where she lives. Only that she has two children and a husband and that she has very recently become very unwell.
It’s so strange that she vanished from all our lives. Each of us sort of assumed one of us had some contact.
We only got her number by a pure fluke of one of us meeting a friend of her sister.
I’m sure she has her reasons but I remember all the great great times we had and I’d love to see her.

[Carmella]

This happened me a few years ago. I kept wondering ‘why?’ and it really got to me for a long time. I kept going over what I said or did to cause it. It was just out of the blue.

Anyway, this might be of no comfort to you now, but it was the best thing that ever happened. I met her recently and she has changed so much, as she was speaking, she was actually spitting with rage about other people. Apparently I was not the only one she cut off and it was a lucky escape! Imagine I had been around her and all that negativity was getting off on me!

As my dad says ‘some people won’t like you, but they are the wrong type of people’

[LucyS]

I am aware of a few people who went completely off the grid for a while due to depression or bereavement. They didn't reply to texts, emails, etc. When they did recover, they tended to start new lives for themselves as they were too embarrassed to re-establish contact with people.

It could be an explanation is some cases.

[kahlan]

Similar to others…one of a friend group of 4 just dropped us all. We had been very close, worked together, all at each other’s weddings, bridesmaids for each other etc but one just stopped being in contact and has faded away. I think of her often because she was particularly good to me when I had a nasty break up 20+ years ago and we had been so close for a number of years. One of the other girls thinks she might have upset her somehow but isn’t sure (or isn’t saying) but I’ve never got to the bottom of it. I used to make contact occasionally and would get a polite reply but never an agreement to meet up. It still makes me sad but I think she just moved on in a different direction. I stopped trying to reach out about 4 / 5 years ago because it was obvious she wasn’t going to follow through and reconnect even with just me. Maybe I did something to her but I don’t think so. I still think fondly of her and will be forever grateful that she helped me out that time, it changed my life. I hope we do get to meet again some day.

[Goose]

It happened to me and it truly hurt me. We went from daily contact to nothing. We live at opposite ends of the country so meeting up was diffficult but we communicated daily. I spent a long time worrying about what I had done wrong, re reading past messages etc to see what I wrote that possibly could be misinterpreted. . Eventually, out of the blue there was contact again and I responded. Everything was going well, although I was very slow to be back to the same level of confiding as I had been. She had been one of my closest friends. Then overnight, it all stopped again. A bit of contact was re-established again recently but I have not made any effort. It honestly took me months to get over being hurt the first time, and just when I began to feel comfortable with our friendship again I was dropped. Emotionally I cannot do it again. I keep doubting myself as a person and as a friend as a result. I miss her, but I cannot let myself be used again.

[Unnamed Poster 8]

Post Deleted

[Goose]

What kills me is that she is actually a lovely person.

[Vino]

Lovely people don't behave like that goose.
Plenty of us have issues on many levels and maybe struggle to keep everything going but I would imagine we would still be respectful of our friends and family enough to explain things are hard right now rather than deciding to blank them.

I've a good friend who's gone through this numerous times with a long term friend. My friend was cast aside so many times when either it suited or life got tough for her friend. Going from talking and meeting multiple times weekly to been completly ignored and then when it suited her back to normal, months and on occasions years later.
She would give stories of how hard she was having it as excuses, over and over. Never once did she ever think my friend or other friends of theirs could have issues and if they did tell her it didn't count, even serious illness like cancer. In her head her life is harder than anyone else's and if anyone else has an issue it's just a glitch in a perfect life and they'll be OK. Her problems are pretty basic every day life events, like dealing with a teen, minor operation low in Iron but she can't deal with them at all for whatever reasons.

It's really sad actually but my friend has decided for her self to let the friendship go after the latest ghosting as it was detrimental to her. There's a lot of passive aggressiveness now aimed to her on social media and via text. She was a very good friend for decades and pulled this person out of a very bad situation and was an amazing support to her in many situations but seemingly that counts for nothing now.

I understand people struggle and some more than others but it's no excuse to treat friends poorly or take them for granted.

[Namaste]

This thread has really made me ponder. I have a online friend for many years, but we now have very little in common and lots of stuff we are totally opposite (vax, religion etc) We had a disagreement recently Re my lack of support of a situation she was in due to her anti vax... Anyway I thought that was it we were done.
But then a couple of months later, she msgd me to ask how I'm doing... And commented on all my holiday fb posts. I didn't reply, so I guess I'm the ghoster,and by reading this thread it means I'm a bad person, but the alternative is get back in to a friendship which does not serve me or hurt her by saying hey let's not be friends...

Just to show another side of the coin. But of course I have no idea of why this happened to. Op and I'm sorry you're hurting..

[Vino]

I think that's different namaste.
When you've a good close friendship and suddenly for no reason one person stops responding and won't engage when asked its very different to friendships that grow apart or fizz out or like you have a disagreement.
I would imagine most of us have lots of friendships that just waned out as life gets in the way or that we grew out of. But how many of us make plans with people one day or have full on normal friendly conversation and then suddenly decide never to engage again.

[Namaste]

I think that's different namaste.
When you've a good close friendship and suddenly for no reason one person stops responding and won't engage when asked its very different to friendships that grow apart or fizz out or like you have a disagreement.
I would imagine most of us have lots of friendships that just waned out as life gets in the way or that we grew out of. But how many of us make plans with people one day or have full on normal friendly conversation and then suddenly decide never to engage again.

You're right Vino, it is very strange...

[RDR]

Anyone been through this. Been ghosted by a friend of 10 years. No idea why.

Were not best friends but did hang out a bit. She didnt answer txts but didnt think to much of that as at times shes not great at responding, then blocked me and then blanked me completely when she saw me the other day. And she definitely saw me.

We dont have mutual friends. Would have 1 or 2 people in common but wouldnt socialise together.

Do I just let it go? We are going to bump into each other as we live in the same town and its a small town.

Would it be easier or more awkward if you knew what the issue was? Particularly if your paths are going to cross. You can't force friendships but sometimes understanding what happened is helpful. So maybe approaching her in person is a thing you'd want to do. I do also wonder do these things happen sometimes because of misunderstandings or something that has been said about you or attributed to you without you knowing (and perhaps inaccurately). A conversation might clear the air.

Over the covidy period contact has been different to the usual in lots of friendships I think. And like other posters said sometimes people feel awkward after a long gap.

So much comes down to the two people involved and how much you might want to attempt to salvage the situation.

Good luck whatever you decide.

[JulyUser]

RDR, I did try to approach her but she wont acknowledge me let alone talk to me.

Have decided to let it go, I have lost enough sleep over it. Dont think I want to salvage the friendship now. Its sad but probably time to move on.

[Goose]

It's very sad.