Friendship group - gone bus !

[anon76]

Regular gone anon. I was part of a friendship group for over 10 years. About 8 of us in the group. I was very close to 3 of the girls. We did a lot together, celebrated birthdays, weekend trips, etc.

A few months ago, 2 of the girls in the group did something really horrible to another. Basically, 2 of the girls were bitching about one of the girls and sent a horrible message on the group chat for everyone to see (drink involved). It was quite nasty and obviously the girl in question was very upset. Nobody else commented about the "incident" on the thread. However, I did. I just commented that it was quite nasty shame on them (probably should have kept quiet but hey ). Now, I am completely ghosted. All of the girls, with the exception of they girl at the receiving end of the abuse (I am not being dramatic, it was quite horrible) have completely cut me out of their lives. I know if friends behave this way, I am better off without but I cannot help feeling quite hurt I did reach out to one of them and they were quite passive aggressive, basically saying there was not issue at all etc., which of course, there obviously is. My birthday came and went and they have been out together, etc and I am excluded.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

[CocoRose]

Gosh that is hurtful after so long but you do know their actions were nasty to a friend and you're better off out of that loop entirely. It is easy to comment on these hurtful things but so hard to be in it, I'm sure. I think you showed integrity sharing with the group that the message was horrible. They are probably embarrassed and ghosting is easier than apologising/doing better. I presume your upset is more to do with the ones who stayed quiet. Poor form.

[ali]

When I read the title of this I immediately assumed it would be about a 1st school student...isnt it pathetic the way grown adult women can act. And these same women are probably hot footing it into the school if they think their little darling is being treated badly by others but yet they act like that themselves. Am so sorry you have been treated like this, especially your birthday being ignored.

[Kensington]

that is rotten on you. I think people are more likely to avoid/ghost/drop you if they have done something wrong than if you have. they can't take the embarrassment and shame. You are better off without them. That whole text thing would make you wonder what they are saying to each other generally about the group - this time they were drunk and sent the text but there have probably been loads of times when they were utterly horrible about their "friends". so sorry.

[Aphex]

They sound like a pretty loathsome bunch. Imagine (presumably) middle-aged women behaving like this. Is there any chance you will encounter any of them socially by chance? Totally understandable that you would be hurt and upset.

[DiscoGirl]

You still did the right thing, calling them out on their behavior fair play to you, that’s exactly what a real friend should do,you are better off without then , hugs x

[anon76]

Thanks to you all. I did bump into some of them last week and it really hurt. They all gave a polite "hi" but definitely a coolness

[Unnamed Poster 8]

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[Unnamed poster 7]

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[Milis]

What about the lady they were being nasty about? Have you had a chat with her about the whole thing?

Agree with others, you are better off without them.

[Iamanisland]

I know it's not helpful but they really don't sound like people I'd like to be hanging out with and if they drop you that quickly, they weren't your friends. Friends give a shit about each other, don't just hang out with each other when it suits them. They sound totally fake. I'd be leaving any whatsapp groups and disappear them on FB or anywhere else so you're not even looking at them any more. I know it can be hard but try to find some activity or other outlet that might get you out a bit.

[honeybell]

Honest to God I'd be happier without friends like this. I left a friend group years ago coz they gossiped about everyone which made me v uncomfortable. Would prefer to be on my own than with people who are mean and judgemental. You sound great for standing up for your friend.

[November]

that is rotten on you. I think people are more likely to avoid/ghost/drop you if they have done something wrong than if you have. they can't take the embarrassment and shame. You are better off without them. That whole text thing would make you wonder what they are saying to each other generally about the group - this time they were drunk and sent the text but there have probably been loads of times when they were utterly horrible about their "friends". so sorry.

I think Kensington is exactly right here.

They don’t like the fact that they have been called out on their meanness. Sounds like they are all talking behind peoples backs by the fact that they can all condone it and turn it around on you!

Tough to lose a group of friends like that but they are acting really childishly.

[Shining]

Something similar happened me with a group of women. Myself and another woman were frozen out. I found it very upsetting to be honest. Almost like they all picked the other.
It's hard to believe adults act like this.
And yes, they're not real friends. Hold your head high

[Carmella]

Standing up for your friend was the right thing to do. Don’t regret that.

As my dad says ‘Some people won’t like you but they are the wrong type of people.’

Let them off. 1 good fiend is better than 8 assholes. All the best x