bullying at school

[anonymous12]

need some advice please. i posted in a previous thread about the bullying DS was being exposed to in school. we have been unable to get an alternative school for him for reasons such as waiting on BOMs to take place to discuss admissions, no places, places being kept for Ukrainian students etc. we have tried all schools within our area, the earliest admission intake appears to be September. he wont be going back to any school after easter at this rate.

the bullying is still on going and school have been unable to stop it. what is now happening is that the bullies are further taunting DS knowing that if they push his buttons enough they will get a reaction . now on a few occasions DS has lashed out and ended up in a row. they gave him a detention first, then a one day suspension and this week a 2 day suspension. the school have investigated all instances and informed us that in all cases DS was provoked. we have appealed all suspensions to the BOM but as they are not meeting until May we have to wait. i don't blame DS for lashing out and the last incident in which he got a 2 day suspension was a very minor incident which in the grand scheme of things would be put down to normal yard messing DS flipped the guys hat of his head after he had objects thrown at him accidentally. the school in my opinion totally overreacted. they now appear to be making an example out of DS who is only trying to stand up for himself, he has been threatened in school by other students who have said they will beat him up and the school have asked us to collect and drop him to school each day as they are afraid for my DSs safety.

DS is showing amazing resilience. we have to meet the school tomorrow .. they want us to sign a document in relation to DSs suspension this week. what do i say? what would you do.

i am totally stressed out but trying to keep it together for DSs sake.

[Shining]

I wouldn't sign anything. What do they want you to sign? And for what?
I cannot imagine what it must be like for your poor ds every day. Honestly I couldn't cope with it. My gut feeling is I would take him out of school, it sounds dangerous.
I'm honestly so sorry

[Penny]

I wouldn't sign anything either. If you feel the suspension isn't warranted and you have appealed it to the BoM then don't sign anything.

Honestly, I would take your child out of school for the rest of the school year. If the school are telling you drop him to school and collect him from his safety then there is a serious issue in that school and the school aren't taking the issue seriously. If they are that worried for your son they should be addressing the bullying.

I am so sorry your son is going through this.

[mcmammy2]

Have you emailed BOM and asked for meeting regarding ongoing bullying of your child? If not I would and would cc the principal.

Next I would email Department of education regarding your situation. Your childs right to an education and your childs right to be safe both physically and mentally. I would also cc the school principal.

Then I would get in touch with the (I can't remember name for them) Garda public liaison officers I think. Tell them your childs safety is at risk. If his safety is being threatened then I would. In all honesty they may not be able to do anything but could direct you on what to do.

I would also get legal advice. Perhaps a solicitors letter is needed.

Maybe I am totally wrong here but if I wasn't getting a response I would go higher and higher. Can you contact parentline, teenline etc get advise?

You need help now not tomorrow. I am so sorry that this is happening to your son and family.

[Unnamed poster 7]

Post Deleted

[Tobo]

DD was subjected to 2 years of bullying and exclusion, I wrote about it here before. Teachers, principal, BOM, all fruitless. More interested in positively rewarding the bully line.
Once her confirmation was over in April, I pulled her out. Best thing ever.
I'm not sure what class your DS is in, but regardless, I would take him out. He's being bullied, then chances are he's not learning much anyway as this thing is circling him.
Don't sign anything.
Make sure you email your decision, but only give a days notice in the event word gets out and it may end up being difficult for your DS.
Tell the school that when the reporting of his absence is sent to the dept, tell them to include the reason as to why he's left.
Get him to start afresh in a new school in Sept.
Don't look back.

[glittermama]

Take him out. For his own mental health. Don't make the mistake I made as my ds is now paying for it mentally. I'm raging for you that the school want you to sign something. Wishing you the best of luck to get him a place in a new school.

[StarryNight]

Take him out.
Don't sign a thing and tell school all correspondence has to be done solely via letter, no calls where you won't have a record. Would also consider a solicitors letter to them at this stage.
Would advise self referral to Tusla as this is not a safe environment for children.
Agree about touching base with Garda for the same reasons as Tusla.
As much as I hate this route I would contact TDs and any Senators locally to ask for help with a place.

[mcmammy2]

Citizens information recommends Garda and TUSLA this is s safe guarding issue so I would do this. I would also contact senator and TD. This can be stopped and should be even if he is taken into another school you are entitled to help with your son.

[CockChoker]

TUSLA will not get involved unless it's requested by the school. That's what I discovered when DS1 was being bullied. Someone suggested contacting a local TD which I did and I was gobsmacked at how quickly things moved and the bullying stopped once I sent a detailed letter to the TD.

[Tobo]

Tbh, if the bullying stopped in the morning, I still wouldn't be happy with my child in a school where they stand by and leave things slide like this, I'd be still leaving no matter how lovely the promises were.
By all means, tackle the issue after leaving. But I'd be getting the child out, and staying out.

[Carmella]

I would sign nothing and keep him at home until you get a place in another school.

[Kemmy]

I suspect other schools are probably more likely to offer him a place if you’ve actually pulled him from this school as it shows what a bad his experience he’s had in the school. And if they say that they need to keep any spare places for Ukrainians, then you can remind them that he has created a place in his old school that can be used for another child so he’s not really taking a place from someone else.

[Original poster]

Thanks all for the replies. We had meeting with the school today, and they now have changed direction and are stating that the bullying is now just perceived bullying by DS and that he's just reacting negatively and unacceptably to everything that is happening him in school. I.e. he is over sensitive. Despite the fact the school have on more than one occasion in face to face meetings with DH and I admitted that DS has been provoked and they have been unable to deal with the ongoing bullying. also i know one teacher has actually witnessed bullying of the DS in the school as he rang me last year about the incident.

What was even more shocking was the fact that they are now looking at expulsion for DS due to the fact that he has reacted on a few occasions because of the various bullying incidents that have happened in school. In some cases he was hit first. They have said if there is another incident they would start the expulsion process. They also suggested that if he was their child, they would move him to a different school. That maybe their school doesn't suit him. We have made the decision to remove him from the school with immediate effect as we have major concerns for his safety and welfare. DS has been seeing a counselor for the past 6 months to help him deal with the situation. The counselor is quite shocked by the schools approach. We also made a report to the guards.

Trying to get him a new school asap is the biggest issue now.

[Tobo]

Thanks all for the replies. We had meeting with the school today, and they now have changed direction and are stating that the bullying is now just perceived bullying by DS and that he's just reacting negatively and unacceptably to everything that is happening him in school. I.e. he is over sensitive. Despite the fact the school have on more than one occasion in face to face meetings with DH and I admitted that DS has been provoked and they have been unable to deal with the ongoing bullying. also i know one teacher has actually witnessed bullying of the DS in the school as he rang me last year about the incident.

What was even more shocking was the fact that they are now looking at expulsion for DS due to the fact that he has reacted on a few occasions because of the various bullying incidents that have happened in school. In some cases he was hit first. They have said if there is another incident they would start the expulsion process. They also suggested that if he was their child, they would move him to a different school. That maybe their school doesn't suit him. We have made the decision to remove him from the school with immediate effect as we have major concerns for his safety and welfare. DS has been seeing a counselor for the past 6 months to help him deal with the situation. The counselor is quite shocked by the schools approach. We also made a report to the guards.

Trying to get him a new school asap is the biggest issue now.

Shocked at the behaviour of the school, but it doesn't surprise me. They'd rather get rid of a problem then fix it.
I'd advise you to make appointments with prospective schools rather than ringing. Face to face will help you explain the situation better than over the phone, you'll also get a feel for places aswell.
I hope finding a new school will be seamless, particularly if he's starting fresh in September. It'll give him and you time to work on what's been happening and hoping counselling will give him tools to cope going forward.