Don't like being a mother

[Penny]

Some great advice here. I would see can you find a group of parents in a similiar position and make sure you are availing of any services that are available - respite, July provision, camps/classes to suit your child. I have a few friends with SN children and whilst you have to wait for some services my friends have found activities that are inclusive that their children enjoy.

Definitely go to see your GP and have a chat. I have been that person who breaks down crying as soon as I sit in the chair. But that's what they are for - to listen and to help. I dreaded going as I knew I was just going to breakdown crying but I felt better afterwards.

You need to stop being the go to person for your family. I would send out a group message saying that you have too much going on at the moment and you need time for yourself. I am always to go to person as well. My dad was staying with my sister and he rang me to sort out an issue. I had to tell him to ask his daughter (that he was staying with!) or son in law to help him. As I am the go to person he automatically rings me. As Rita said those few hours in the morning when your child is in school should be for you. Go back to bed and sleep, watch tv, go for a walk - do what you feel you need.

Counselling would also be a good idea. I have a child with additional needs who has been seriously ill and the counsellor is always telling me to go for counselling. Some days are completely overwhelming that I just don't even know where to start.

What has really helped me is restorative yoga, if you could carve out an hour for yourself and try a class it really helps you focus on yourself. It's not the answer but it's great to just focus on yourself for that hour.

[Nodrog]

You sound like superwoman to me.
A friend recently told me *You need to put your own oxygen mask on first* and she is right.
How old is your DC?
I would sit your husband down and have a meeting with him.
Explain exactly what you have said here.
Dole out some responsibility to him, you are both parents, he doesn't get off Scott free.

A GP appointment is a good idea.
I'm sorry you had to give up your part time job. Is there anyway of getting that back if you enjoyed it and it gave you some freedom?
Pull the plug on all the other people asking you for support.
Learn to day no.
A lot of this is within your control.

I was in a situation last year that had me on my knees. I stepped down. Said no, I cannot do this anymore.

[Maximus]

I've tried to reply to this a few times now...so yes, it's awful. You go on social media and everyone is planning their holidays, or going on outings, or sharing all the things their neurotypical child/children are doing... and it's heart wrenching. You instinctually know it won't be your future. You've been up since 2am and are basically at lunch time by the time the rest of the world is waking up. The continuous effort of being a parent to a child who struggles to cope with the world is really hard. We've had 48 hour days here where he literally hasn't slept. Everytime someone rings you, immediately start the conversation with how little you have slept. They won't comprehend it unless you tell them. Your dishwasher isn't working? Oh i could have washed those cups at 3am this morning, haha. Lay it out. It is a full time, 24/7 job. Ask for help. If your family can't then outside services need to be brought in. Get onto local support groups and find out what others are getting and what's available. Make your house into your sanctuary. We got an inflatable hot tub last year which gave us great peace, my son used to spend hours in it. He's very noise sensitive so we built a room/shed out the back for visitors to come into to talk. Adapt your surroundings. Make them work for you. Take a social media break when you need to. I go offline a few times a year, for my mental health. You've taken the first step by posting here, keep going, keep asking for help. It takes a village to raise a child is so true, find your village x

[Finding life tough]

Thank you so much for all the replies. I've read them all and appreciate the support and advice. Feel a bit brighter today. Took a positive step yesterday and cancelled plans with someone for this week that didn't suit our family and would have caused DC upset and just stressed us out. The other person was suiting themselves totally and I just thought I've enough to be dealing with without doing things that I know won't end well.

I've only one child so realise I'm in a better position than some as I can give them all my time but on the flip side they have no siblings to play with and help them develop. I'm in some Facebook groups but find the posts more upsetting than giving me the feeling that I'm not alone and some posters are having a much worse time and that just makes me feel I should be grateful for my lot. Going to touch base with Carers Ireland this week as I'm sure I read they can help with counselling. Private counselling isn't an option right now and I did see a counsellor through a community group after DC got their diagnosis and she was so dismissive about it and focused on the things that were causing me less upset so I didn't go back. You get whatever counsellor is free so I could very well end up with her again if I go back.

Thanks again.

[molls]

If you have health insurance, many policies have provision for a number of counselling sessions for free.

[tippexile]

Also, my gp arranged free counselling for me as I have a medical card. If you have one, your gp should be able to arrange counselling but there may be a wait. I think I was waiting 3 months.