heymammy.com

I just want to explain that I have asked my sister to allow her stay . We live 200 miles from college , she would have to drop out if she had no where to live .

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OP I hope things improve for you and I agree the main thing now is acceptance of where things are and taking care of yourself. When your daughter is ready to resume communication you'll be in a much better position to handle it having taken care of yourself and hopefully you can both re-build but take care of yourself first.

I feel sorry for the DD. The OP got good advice from some posters but to me she’s aggravating things with her DD. The DD said she’s going to collect the card at the weekend but didn’t want to talk to anyone - then the OP texts her to say card has arrived and she will post it and the DD texts back asking if she’s actually posted it (presumably wondering if the card will arrive to her Aunt’s house today/when/was it posted). However, the OP didn’t actually get to post it, is going to sleep on it and maybe leave it for the DD to collect it after all - there’s a hint of the OP playing mind games with her DD.

Reading updates from the OP etc I think both sides are equally playing games.
The DD is 20 and an adult. She should have her address changed by now for important mail.
The OP should have be clear yesterday as to what she was doing with the bank card and either have sent it or told her to collect, she’s leaving herself open to being the bad guy again!

OP, I would be concerned that your posts are coming across as very “airy fairy” as Micheal Healy Rae would like to say!
Raising children is something we’re boundaries put in place early on are super important it gives both child and parent security.

I would personally step away now from this thread and decide how you can start repairing yourself to enable you to have relationships with both your daughters. I feel most for the sibling left at home, she must feel very insecure with all this happening around you.

Maybe focus on her and that of the relationship with your husband. Your older daughter is safe and well, just leave it at that, she’s her own life to lead with or without you in it

I'm just wondering if things have calmed down at all sad mum?
Feel free of course to not reply if you so choose.

But it's seemed such a difficult situation for you to be in I hope it has resolved to everyone's satisfaction.

Op just wondering how things are now? Has your dd changed her ways? Hope you have come to terms with the situation

(GerryGs thread made me think of this one)

Dobble wrote: ↑Fri Nov 04, 2022 1:59 pm Op just wondering how things are now? Has your dd changed her ways? Hope you have come to terms with the situation

(GerryGs thread made me think of this one)

You know I was thinking of the Op’s daughter too. I know my advice would be to kick her ass but Jesus I’m eating my words it’s not that easy! Young relationships can totally throw a spanner in the works for sure

I’ve just seen the latest posts as I haven’t been using the boards . Unfortunately my dd still doesn’t want anything to do with us , she had sent the odd text during the summer but it was only if she needed something for college or forms , post etc .
My sister said she seemed fine with college , it’s her final year so she’s busy .
She’s sharing an apartment when she’s home at weekends and working local too .
We had no communication at all over Christmas, I did text her to see could we meet up as it was her birthday, but she never replied. Before that I had sent the odd text , just to reach out and she might reply that she was busy .
On the 2nd week of December some relations sent birthday cards for her , I also had a card , I told her this but no reply . Her birthday came and went . I sent the cards and her Xmas cards to my sister , but dd had finished college early and was in our home town . The day after st stevens day she text to say she was collecting her cards , I told her I had sent them to Dublin ages ago . She proceeded to curse and swear at me and said she needed the money . I didn’t reply .
It has absolutely been the most unimaginable pain I’ve ever experienced. I have had some very dark days and my marriage almost ended .
Now , I’m still not great . I go between huge grief and anger and despair. Unfortunately there isn’t a thing I can do only take each day as it comes .
Thank you for thinking of me and I’d appreciate any positive vibes .

Sad mum, I'm heartbroken for you reading your post.
There are no words out there to say to you, only to try and mind yourself as much as you possibly can.

@sadmum hope you can get some peace in that you are learning to adjust to the new family structure. You have been through a storm - things will get easier.
Have a read of this and see if there is learning in it:
https://www.aslancoaching.ie/post/battl ... lighthouse

mind yourself

I'm really sorry sadmum. That is just so heart breaking for you. Take care of yourself.

Jesus that's just heartbreaking. She is being extremely mean whatever her reasons are, she must know you are broken over this.
So sorry that this is your life now. I can't imagine who awful it must be. All you can do is keep going and hope she changes her mind down the line. I am glad your marriage didn't break down, you need to pull together.

So sorry to read the update. I can’t imagine how hurtful this has been for you. She sounds very ungrateful and no doubt will live to regret her actions but for now there simply isn’t anything you can do. She seems extremely bitter towards you all.

I hope you’ll be ok. Please don’t give her any more if your time. Focus on yourself and your marriage.

That is absolutely awful. I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel.