Daughter relationship

[August]

You’ve told her you will post it so just follow through. It is not a big deal and it is not going against your daughter. You will only give yourself another night of unnecessary angst if you wait until tomorrow to decide.

[August]

I have to say I agree with Cocorose about your sister’s role in this. We teach our children to be social upstanders, that by staying silent when we can see someone inflicting harm we become part of the problem. Surely it should be the same in family life? I think it could be perfectly possible for your sister to calmly and clearly state that she does not approve of how your daughter is treating you, without that necessarily damaging their relationship. It doesn’t have to take the form of a row. Your daughter needs to know that others won’t condone her behaviour.

Maybe there’s good reason for the way the OP’s sister is handling the situation, we don’t know the exact circumstances. We don’t know the conversations between aunt and niece or how their relationship works.

Absolutely, maybe there is, which is why I only said it could be possible. The OP must have a fair idea of the relationship between her daughter and sister.

[Shining]

I wouldn't even reply to her message. Just post it tomorrow...she can walk into a branch to withdraw money; I'm afraid that's being an adult and dealing with life.

[CocoRose]

You could post it into the nearest river too, after how she's treated you.

[Kensington]

At most reply "yes I did" and leave it at that. Drop it in the post tomorrow. Listen to your dh.

[Dobble]

Post it in the morning, reply yes I did
Be strong, you can do this , she sounds surprised that you would do that … let her see you meant it x

[Unnamed poster 7]

Post Deleted

[jammymammy]

I suppose she wants the card for the weekend, hence the annoyance if you post it. Amazing how she’s able to answer texts now though when she wants something.
I was reading back on your first posts and how this all started. So she heard you and your Dh having sex in your room and this all happened yet all the time she had they boyfriend staying and they were presumably doing the same.
It does read to us all that she’s behaving badly but she needs to work that out for herself and you need to mind your own health. I would leave it to your Dh to communicate from now, stop giving her ammunition to hurt you.

[mcmammy2]

Op lots of people giving good advice and various points of view. I won't comment on your daughter as I don't feel it would serve any function. I do have experience with panic attacks and chronic stress tho. Definitely get to a therapist ASAP. Talk it out it's an expense but many will do a sliding scale if you say money is tight. Also leave the phone alone. Allow yourself certain times in the day to check it and then leave it. Exercise helps as does being out in nature. When you get upset about your daughter do some exercise walk run anything. Get some proper sleep and organise meeting people socially. If you are in a better frame mentally then you can deal with this scenario. If however you are not in a good frame of mind you can get stuck ruminating, texting her etc. This will in all likelihood not work out well. You cannot control other people's behaviour to you but you can control your response to them. Making yourself sick with stress will not help you, your DH or your other DD. It will also probably cause further tension with your daughter. Honestly step away (I know it is hard) and focus on making you happy. Your DD won't make you happy nobody will only you can do that. If you are doing well then you can focus on the good in your life. Then when all is calm you can touch base with your DD. Not asking anything just stating things like 'all good here just went for a run. Thinking of you hope all is well' etc.

[Groucho]

Excellent advice, Mcmammy (and not just for the OP's situation).

[Tinky]

If she’s such a grown up she should have changed her address to the sisters or bf’s to get the card in a timely fashion as that’s where she lives. She wants it all ways.


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[Novbaby31]

There is a lot of angry comments directed at the OPs daughter on this thread. It is worth remembering that we are only getting one perspective on this and that the OP's daughter is still young and we are getting the daughter's actions filtered through the OPs eyes. Very few things are clear cut and family relationships are complex. Nothing is ever as simple as one person good, other person bad.

I make no pretense to know what the rights and wrongs are here but it is not helpful to the OP to cast her in the role of victim to her unfeeling mean daughter. The reality is likely to more complex.

Having a child go 'no contact' is very difficult and I have every sympathy for the OP with the pain this is causing her, her distress is palpable in her posts. The OP needs to focus on acceptance and working through this to a healthier place. A narrative of 'poor OP, bad daughter' isn't really helpful for this.

[Grasscutter]

Excellent advice, Mcmammy (and not just for the OP's situation).

It's so good I'm tempted to get a wall print of it! While none of it is new to me mcmammy has put it very succinctly there and it is like a go-to reminder guide for any life crisis.

[Grasscutter]

There is a lot of angry comments directed at the OPs daughter on this thread. It is worth remembering that we are only getting one perspective on this and that the OP's daughter is still young and we are getting the daughter's actions filtered through the OPs eyes. Very few things are clear cut and family relationships are complex. Nothing is ever as simple as one person good, other person bad.

I make no pretense to know what the rights and wrongs are here but it is not helpful to the OP to cast her in the role of victim to her unfeeling mean daughter. The reality is likely to more complex.

Having a child go 'no contact' is very difficult and I have every sympathy for the OP with the pain this is causing her, her distress is palpable in her posts. The OP needs to focus on acceptance and working through this to a healthier place. A narrative of 'poor OP, bad daughter' isn't really helpful for this.

I agree with everything except that line. Sometimes, but much rarer than we think, it simply is one person good and another person bad. Bad people live among us and they seek out the weak and vulnerable to exploit them. This is not one of those situations though and while the descriptions of the DD's behaviour here have made me gasp I don't believe anyone grows up one way and changes so quickly for no reason - bad boyfriend or not. The fact that the OP's sister is accommodating her speaks volumes.

[Novbaby31]

Rarely is probably a better word than ever for sure.