Daughter relationship

[April]

I have to say I agree with Cocorose about your sister’s role in this. We teach our children to be social upstanders, that by staying silent when we can see someone inflicting harm we become part of the problem. Surely it should be the same in family life? I think it could be perfectly possible for your sister to calmly and clearly state that she does not approve of how your daughter is treating you, without that necessarily damaging their relationship. It doesn’t have to take the form of a row. Your daughter needs to know that others won’t condone her behaviour.

Maybe there’s good reason for the way the OP’s sister is handling the situation, we don’t know the exact circumstances. We don’t know the conversations between aunt and niece or how their relationship works.

[Groucho]

OP said she asked the paramedic could she go home and he agreed. So we don't know exactly what he did say and some people will hear what they want to. He may have agreed that she could go home without agreeing that she should go home. I find it more strange that she spent four hours in an ambulance with a paramedic. I've been to hospital many times with DD in an ambulance and the experience has always been for the paramedics to get away as quickly as possible - dump you on the first people they can and then you can be left waiting hours but the paramedics never stayed and DD has gone in with seizures and brain bleeds. Not doubting the OP - just find it odd. I would expect a paramedic or any health professional to encourage someone who has had a panic attack, never mind a seizure, to stay and get medical treatment.

I was taken to UHL once in an ambulance, and had a similar experience to the OP, in that the paramedic wasn't able to offload me until there was someone in A&E to offload me to, and that took hours, so he had to stay with me. I was beside myself wondering what would happen if someone out the road needed an ambulance and they were all sitting outside A&E waiting with patients. It seems a cracked situation, but it definitely happens.

[Sad mum]

So her card arrived this morning and I text her to say I’d post it to my sister . She just text me now and said “ did you actually post it “
I haven’t replied , and the card is still here because I never got to the p.o . Dh said not to answer her and just post the card in the morning . I feel like shit now , it’s totally against a parents nature to go against their kids . I could still tell her to collect it . Maybe I’ll sleep on it .

[Unnamed poster 7]

Post Deleted

[DiscoGirl]

I would put it in the post and text her back and say yes I did post it, because you did say you didn’t want to see us

[Kemmy]

Keep life simple for you. If you “no, I’ve not posted it yet. Do you want to come and collect it” then that’s opening a whole can of worms and give her lots of opportunities to be mean to you (e.g ‘why didnt you post it when you said you would blah blah’ or ‘I’ll collect it but I dont want to see you’). I hate to say it but you’re setting yourself up to be hurt by her even more. Put it in the post tomorrow morning and just reply “yes it’s in the post”. She doesn’t need to know when it actually went in the post. Don’t let her bully you. Also I don’t think you should text her anymore. Let your DH do any texting from now on.

[Rita]

Put it in the post..

It might seem against a parents nature to go against their kids but you aren’t..you are being helpful saving her trip and well she isn’t exactly being nice to you anyway . You could have dumped it..now that would be going against her.

Would you let another adult walk on you? So why let her?

You need to stop pandering to her and get on with your life. She is well and a grown adult. Has money and somewhere to live.

[Unnamed poster 7]

Post Deleted

[Vino]

Go out now get a stamp and post it. No need to think on it overnight and most likely not get much sleep.
It's no big deal to post on mail to someone who is not staying at the address.
If you don't post it you're giving her fuel to say you tried to withhold her card.
It's funny really how you've got a response to your message that doesn't really require one after months of begging for a reply. Maybe you'll realise now a bit of detachment is a better tool for the next while.

[Unnamed poster 7]

Post Deleted

[Sad mum]

Thanks everyone. I’ll post it in the morning. I’m sure she can borrow cash if she needs it for the weekend . I feel guilty when she can just drop in for it , but then again , she won’t even acknowledge Mother’s Day and I’m sure she won’t feel guilty about that . Thanks again for all the help.

[Sparkly Pooh Bear]

Don't engage with her and just post it.

You need to start counselling. If you can't afford it there is cheaper options such as getting counseling for therapists who are not yet qualified (think they charge around €20-30), get your doctor to put you on waiting list for community counseling, or ring parent line for a chat.



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[purple star]

She's actually hilarious with that reply. Post it. Absolutely 100%.
Just shows you she likes to be the one controlling what you do and feel. You might get more respect playing hard ball.

[Joanne12]

Your DH is right. Don't respond and just post it. Definitely a bit of hard ball needed.

[Tobo]

Why sleep on it?
Post it. Be done with it.
She only treated you to abuse and talked to you like shit a few days ago. She won't change her spots in that time frame.
You reply now and it'll happen all over again. It's going to end up with her hurling abuse, you pleading with her, she hurls more abuse and round and round you go.
Cut the cycle.