Daughter relationship

[Unnamed poster 7]

Post Deleted

[CocoRose]

She hasn't just gone non contact, she is behaving appallingly. I don't think you need special insight to see that.

[Kensington]

Years ago I was cut off by a sibling. It was devastating. My mother tried desperately to get them talking to me again - she couldn't leave it alone and while I understood how upsetting it was for her tbh she made the situation worse. We resolved it in our own time and way and I think we'd have done it a lot sooner if there wasn't the constant pressure to be in contact.

OP, this is horrible for you but I would post on the card, say nothing about keys or anything else and then just simply take a break for a while. Don't bother texting or whatever just take a break. Sometimes doing nothing is the best approach. You definitely don't want to do or say anything that will leave her with no easy way to simply come home or start talking to you again.

[Sad mum]

Sorry I’m late replying but my posts need to be approved so not always instant . I think I just to step away . Maybe I should let her call for her card . She never said we had to leave the house , she just said she wouldn’t talk to us , which is what I asked her .
Maybe posting the card would be better as it would be hurtful to see her just walk in and ignore us if we happen to be here .
She did it after Christmas, called for a parcel , gave me a filthy look and left . Maybe I’ll just post it .

[farmer me]

She will come back when she needs something. I know it's hard at the moment.

[GerryG]

She will come back when she needs something. I know it's hard at the moment.

That’s what I was just thinking, the susi renewal is up in the next month I think so she’ll want to sort that. She could easily have said could you post on the bank card instead of coming to collect it so she’s not really keeping her own “no contact” rules she’s thinks you should follow op.
I’d definitely not contact her or ask to speak with her anymore. Look after your own mental health first

[TCR]

I think it’s very brave of people to offer up personal experience in order to offer support. I don’t think it should be dismissed. Every relationship is different but sometimes it’s nice to know you are not the only person who has gone through or is going through similar.
I know going through something and reading here about parents coping with similar was very helpful.
Op hope you are doing ok.

[Unnamed poster 7]

Post Deleted

[CocoRose]

I am not talking about just you 3dollys, at all, a few experiences have come up here and while valuable, I see an adult daughter here being very cruel. Yes there are two sides but I find it insensitive to OP for posters to be suggest some of the daughter's behaviours might be acceptable/justified for some unknown reason.

[Rita]

Op would you plan a summer break for yourself your dh and other child?
You would most likely be going anyway without your dd1 and it would be something to look forward too.

You are entering a new phase now of your life where your dd1 is not as dependent on you so you need to build a life for you ..not sure if that makes sense but I am going through that transition phase myself right now.. my eldest is an adult so we have a more adult relationship which is different. Her future plans don’t include me really.

Hopefully in time your dd1 comes around but your relationship will be different anyway so you need to find you and build on that.

Good luck with it and keep getting counselling and mind yourself

[farmer me]

I have an 18 year old daughter, if she treated me like the op is being treated I'd be horrified. I'd wonder was it my fault. Now I know this is different but I fell out with my brother in law 2 years ago. My sister, who I had looked after during her breakdown stopped talking to me. It was 100% his fault and she admitted he was in the wrong. Last week they tested positive, suddenly texts asking me to do things, I did what I was asked and no more. No doubt we will be back to no communication when they are clear. My dad always said, they will need you before you need them, he was right

[Tobo]

Sorry I’m late replying but my posts need to be approved so not always instant . I think I just to step away . Maybe I should let her call for her card . She never said we had to leave the house , she just said she wouldn’t talk to us , which is what I asked her .
Maybe posting the card would be better as it would be hurtful to see her just walk in and ignore us if we happen to be here .
She did it after Christmas, called for a parcel , gave me a filthy look and left . Maybe I’ll just post it .

Honestly, just text her, saying

'I'll post the bank letter when it arrives. Hope all is well. Love you always.'


You really need to step away.
Concentrate on your current family dynamic which is with your other child and DH. You don't deserve to be treated poorly, and the child you have at home deserves to have a happy mum.
Please contact your GP or therapist also, you need an outlet.

[Grasscutter]

I wouldn’t add the ‘love you always’ and I’ll tell you why. If I’m angry with someone I don’t want anything like that - it would smack of emotional manipulation even if it is simply an honest heartfelt expression of love. I think all language should be neutral- not cold - just netural in this situation. It strikes me that any efforts to try and win her back are having the exact opposite of of the desired effect.

OP you absolutely need counselling. You say you can’t afford it - I don’t think you can afford not to get it. There are free services. Please talk to your GP. This sounds like it’s destroying you and I imagine your DH and DD2 are suffering beyond what you realise from the impact it’s having on you. Don’t let DD1 ruin what you still have.

[purple star]

The more I read the more I would feel like giving her a slap. She's behaving very badly now, knowing full well you are hurt by her actions.
She sounds like she is deliberately trying to hurt you and I'm sorry but you must be so gutted that she has turned out this way. I know I would be of one of my kids started to ignore me and treat me like something she stood on out on the footpath.
Post her the card. Don't not play her games.
Maybe a bit of tough love is called for now.

[April]

I’m sure the OP’s DD will be quite happy to have the card posted to her. By collecting it, she wasn’t asking anyone to go out of their way for her, it probably will suit her very well to have it posted.