Bullying at school

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Groucho
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Re: Bullying at school

#16 Post by Groucho »

I am wondering what actions the school has taken so far and how you feel the school has tackled this? From what you say (and appreciate you might not want to give too many details), their response seems a little passive, especially if they are worried about self-harm.

I moved my guy for similar reasons (more exclusion than bullying, but the impact is similar). This was primary school, not secondary. I had a passive response from the school when I went in to discuss it, so when I saw that the extent of what they were planning to do was a Big Chat with the whole class about "being nice" rather than homing in on the main culprit, who was blissfully unaware that any of this was meant for him, then I moved my guy. Moving him when we did was absolutely the right thing to do and it made a big difference to his overall demeanour. It also gave him the message that we were in his corner, listening to him etc. (Hard not to, if you met my DS3 as he's not shy about sharing his opinions and very well able to lobby for himself :lol:). Anyway, my point here is that some schools tackle bullying head-on and very successfully, and some use an interminable "nicey-nicey, aren't we all friends" process that puts bully and bullied on the same level - IMO, that is entirely useless when it comes to stamping out bullying.

At the very least, if are giving the school more time, I'd be researching alternative schools now, ringing moms with kids in these other schools and asking their opinions, and approaching these schools to discuss taking your son, so you can narrow down your options. You can pull the trigger anytime you like then, if you have your research done.

BTW, my heart goes out to your lad reading that description. My guy (as above) is highly opinionated and has a fairly robust personality, and even he was a bit of a mess being excluded day in, day out. I can't imagine what it would do to a quieter, more sensitive chap. The very best of luck in whatever you decide, but don't let it drag on. It's either working or it's not - decide quickly.
RDR
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Re: Bullying at school

#17 Post by RDR »

You've had lots of good advice there and I'd also be looking at other school options.

I'd also highly recommend Stella O'Malley's book Bullyproof Kids. It is really good both on explaining the dynamics/power plays but also practical things you can do with your child to help build them up and move them out of "target" territory (but it isn't a quick fix overnight solution).

I'm really sorry your child is going through this. And you also.
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Re: Bullying at school

#18 Post by Shining »

Yes my response was very terse but I really hope you are OK and minding yourself. Must be awful to go through this. For you, your son and family. Xx
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Re: Bullying at school

#19 Post by Original poster »

We are 3 months on from my original post and whilst we thought things were getting better it turns out It has not. DS is going to his counselor and this is going really well with regards to his self confidence and getting him to understand that he is not at fault. We have tried to get him into another school which will meet his needs and would definitely suits him better. However there is a waiting list and we have not been successful yet in getting him a place. DS is aware that we are going to move him and had been willing to hold out until he got a place at the school. I Promised DS regardless of what happens I will not send him back to his current school in September. We don't have many school options close to us that is the problem. There is another all boys school nearby but that is completely geared up towards kids who are into sport and DS is not and we were unsuccessful in the beginning and getting him a place.

Roll onto last week and there was another incident in which DS was totally provoked in school. The school investigated the matter and made it very clear to us that DS did not instigate the matter however as he retaliated and ended up in a fight with his other boy, he ended up getting a day suspension for it, this boy had threatened to beat up DS earlier in the day and continually goaded DS throughout the day. I have written to the school to appeal the suspension and also asked how they are protecting DSs welfare.

The school want DS to report every single incident that occurs however so much of the continuous bullying is low level that it sounds petty. DS is afraid that it will alienate him even further and his counselor agrees with him.

DS takes public transport to school, today I got a call from the school to say that they felt it would be in DSs best interest to be dropped off and collected from the school each day for the foreseeable future. I asked for the reasons behind this but they could not give me an answer.

I'm so close to removing DS from the school permanently for the rest of the year. I have another appointment with the new school next week to see if anything can be done to get him in.

I'm just at a loss as to what to do.
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Re: Bullying at school

#20 Post by Hermione »

No words of advice but just to say it sounds like a horrendous situation and I hope your son gets a new school soon. A terrible situation for everyone.

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Re: Bullying at school

#21 Post by Rita »

They need to tell you why they suggested this? Is he in danger getting public transport?
I mean what about the rest of the time. Does he need some one with him

It’s a very serious suggestion from the school ..they obviously know something but cant say due to some reason ..but I couldn’t let that go. Does your son know any reason..is this kid on the public transport too
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Re: Bullying at school

#22 Post by Groucho »

Why on earth could they not tell you why they want him dropped and collected? They *must* be able to provide you with a reason. Clearly they know somebody is on his case - why aren't they taking action if they know this? God, this kind of faffery is completely useless when it comes to bullying. God, what a rotten situation, for you and him. It sounds like the tail is wagging the dog in that school. Even if the sporty school isn't 100% what you want, there are bound to be non-sporty kids there too - there are in most schools. Could you see if you can put his name down there too to give you a couple of options? It must be such a worry for you.
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Shining
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Re: Bullying at school

#23 Post by Shining »

What kind of rubbish are they at? He shouldn't take public transport but won't tell you why??
Basically then how safe is he is a non supervised environment?
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Re: Bullying at school

#24 Post by glittermama »

I'm so sorry to read you are going through this and I completely understand how you are feeling. I've been in this position but at Primary level.
You need to plead to the other school and see if he can get a place and hopefully he can start ASAP and before September. I'd definitely consider taking him out permanently.

Good luck with the meeting and I hope you get this sorted. I feel so sorry for your son. I am actually in shock that the councilor agreed that noting every bit of bullying no matter how trivial will alienate him. All that small stuff adds up. No one should be let get away with anything, even the small things.
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Re: Bullying at school

#25 Post by Carmella »

I would take him out now. He is leaving anyway so why prolong it. It’s an awful situation but no way would I send my son back in there. All the best.
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Re: Bullying at school

#26 Post by mcmammy2 »

Oh my god this is horrendous your poor son. How can they not reprimand the bullies. Your poor child and you. I can only imagine how upsetting it is to see your child being hurt by others. I hope you can transfer him sooner rather than later. In the meantime I hope he can be kept safe.
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Re: Bullying at school

#27 Post by SecretMe »

I'm shocked that a school would suggest that a victim should cower away and be dropped and collected. The school are not dealing with the bullies and are completely failing your son. You have a right to know what their reasons are for suggesting your son stay off public transport, they cannot make suggestions like that and not act on dealing with issue.

At this stage it seems the school will not fix the problem, I would put my energy into finding a new school place, which you've done. Fingers crossed he gets a place soon.
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tea
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Re: Bullying at school

#28 Post by tea »

I would also chat to your son and make sure he is safe on social media and the bully isnt on thwte too
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Re: Bullying at school

#29 Post by purple star »

To be honest it doesn't sound like the school have done anything for your son. Have they moved his class, moved the bully, spoken to the classes, followed their anti bullying procedures? To tell you not to let him get the bus means they've heard something but are not dealing with it.
I know you mentioned a sporty school and your son isn't sporty... Lots of non sporty kids still go to these schools, it may still be an option..

Deleted some as overshared

Your school sounds useless.
Last edited by purple star on Sat Mar 12, 2022 7:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Bullying at school

#30 Post by Carmella »

Useless.
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