Bullying at school

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Stressed out mom
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Bullying at school

#1 Post by Stressed out mom »

Hi all this will probably a bit of a ramble, DS is being bullied at school, and it has gotten so bad now that he is just a shadow of his former self. He has no self-confidence little things set him off, he now retaliates with his fist. He has no friends at school, he doesn't know how to make friends as in he just doesn't have the confidence. It is all low level bullying but constant. We have arranged for him to go to counseling to learn how to deal with the issues, the school have been good and we have been in constant contact with them however the situation continues and I just don't know what to do. I took him to the GP today as I just needed them to reiterate what we were telling DS to do. The problem lies with the fact if this was the workplace you wouldn't actually go to work as you would be so stressed you would be certed out by your GP or you would look for a new job. I'm totally at a loss as to how to deal with this, it is totally stressing me out and as a result I am actually out of work on stress leave too.

Just looking for a sounding board, have you taken your kid out of school and sent them to another, how long did it take,
how did you go about it. Should I keep him out of school. His school are so worried about him that they are afraid that he might do some harm to himself, I just don't know where to turn to or what to do.

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Re: Bullying at school

#2 Post by Unnamed poster 7 »

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Iamanisland
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Re: Bullying at school

#3 Post by Iamanisland »

I'd be saying to the school look this is happened in school and you are not sorting this out. If they can't sort it out then I would move him to a different school for a fresh start.
Counseling is a brilliant idea too, sounds like he needs it the creatur.
I would be very, very disappointed with the school for letting this happen.

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Re: Bullying at school

#4 Post by Rita »

What are the school doing about it? Have they said it is bullying or have they said it’s your son? I know sometimes they say a kid is sensitive etc to excuse it… which it doesn’t at all but some schools do this.
I would move him. It will take time and some kids are unschooled first..a bit like home schooling but no schooling really. Like destressing. Poor guy

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Re: Bullying at school

#5 Post by mcmammy2 »

So sorry to hear it . How old is you DS? What are the school doing to help?

ali
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Re: Bullying at school

#6 Post by ali »

I know you say the school has been good but it sounds like nothing much has been done. Head nodding and sighing in agreement with all your saying means nothing if they physically are not actually going to sort out the problem. Dosent matter how sympathetic they are towards you/how sorry they are for your ds if they are not sorting it out then you need to kick up a stink. Especially if its primary school where your dealing with kids less than 13yrs.

mcmammy2
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Re: Bullying at school

#7 Post by mcmammy2 »

Why doesn't he know how to make friends? How long has this been going on?

Sorry about all the questions but they help to build a picture.
.

StarryNight
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Re: Bullying at school

#8 Post by StarryNight »

I wouldn't get into how the school have failed right now. Focus on your son. If he was in a job being treated like this what would you advise, you'd tell him to leave and get a new one. Get him into a new school ASAP. Bullying like this wil have long term repercussions.
Let rip at the school when your son is sorted.
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Re: Bullying at school

#9 Post by Shining »

I'd move him to a new school. Poor lad. I'd nearly take him out of school before that.
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Re: Bullying at school

#10 Post by mumtoa »

He shouldn’t have to learn how to deal with it, the bullying should be dealt with at source and stopped.
Yes get him supports to build his confidence again but move him from the school if nothing is going to change there.

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Re: Bullying at school

#11 Post by GerryG »

StarryNight wrote: Wed Nov 24, 2021 10:40 pm I wouldn't get into how the school have failed right now. Focus on your son. If he was in a job being treated like this what would you advise, you'd tell him to leave and get a new one. Get him into a new school ASAP. Bullying like this wil have long term repercussions.
Let rip at the school when your son is sorted.
Firstly I’m so sorry your son is going though this hell and the repercussions that it’s causing for yourself and your own health

I totally agree with Starrynight, move your son, it’s the only way.

Martha
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Re: Bullying at school

#12 Post by Martha »

The OP has not shared too many details, so for my money, I’d be worth giving it a shot before moving him.
I know this will sound contrived- but if your chap has any interest in football/movies/gaming set something up- pizza and whatever with 3-4. Or cinema or anything with 2-4 of them.

It’s so good your son can confide in you. My DS told me of something unsavoury that’s happened to a chap his year. They’re not friends, but DS went to him and said that what he’d heard was out of order and that he’d be there if he needed him (paraphrasing). I was proud DS told me for starters and doubly that he’d stand up for someone that’s not a core friend.

November
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Re: Bullying at school

#13 Post by November »

It sounds like the school aren't dealing with it well if the bullying is still continuing. Is it a particular child or group of children who are bullying him?

If you say he has no friends there anyway he probably doesn't really want to stay at that school so I would move him.

I dealt with this with one of my children and they did not want to move as had lots of friends so we stuck it out but gave the school an ultimatum as they weren't dealing with it seriously enough and said you have two weeks or we take them out and it was dealt with.

In hindsight, I wish we done that or moved them much earlier as it really changed their attitude to school as they used to love it.

Stressed out Mom
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Re: Bullying at school

#14 Post by Stressed out Mom »

Hi all, thanks for the replies.

DS is 14 in second year. Seemingly the bullying started at the end of first year. The bully was suspended recently for a few days however back at school now and seemingly back to the same old crap. There is more than one child doing the bullying but one ringleader from what I can tell. I think if the school has suspended him, I suspect my DS is not the only one suffering and school have been aware of it. School have said it is bullying and not DS instigating anything. DS isn't a sheep and doesn't follow the crowd has his own opinions etc. With regards to making friends etc.. his self esteem and confidence are now so low, he just doesn't feel capable to doing it. He doesn't do any activities outside of school and is not sporty but he has tried everything in the past.

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Re: Bullying at school

#15 Post by fourarms »

I've been there unfortunately. If i was there again I'd move him straight away, so that's what I'd recommend you do too. It's really tough on everyone.

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