Feeling unappreciated on birthday.

[Moniker]

That is waaaaay more than wanting a better present.

I would ask him to leave actually & get on with my life without a fucker like that in it tbh.


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[Groucho]

Birthday presents are the very least of your problems, Strong.

[glittermama]

I'm so sorry to read this Strong. Your dh sounds extremely manipulative. You definitely deserve more of an effort being made.

[Strong]

sorry disappointed21 for taking over your thread.
To answer everyone, yes I am aware that this is not normal and not a good relationship, and there are many issues I have waxed lyrical about on previous threads on wanting to get out but never actually managing it.
Starrynight: What I mean about books is that the first woman he mooned over, they used talk about books, and he would show her books that he had bought on her recommendation to show how much they had in common. For Christmas one year, the year he smashed my gift actually, he bought her a very special book about soul mates.
For the second woman, the same, he bought books she recommended and showed her them on messages, and they discussed them. He lent her a bunch of books, and when they broke up, she gave him a special book.


As part of my being "Strong" I am trying not to let the fact that he is trying to upset me, upset me. I managed up to now, but today I am feeling very down about it. He knows how to push my buttons.

Anyway, leaving aside the toxicity, if you can! He thinks all is going swimmingly in our relationship at the moment. Regarding the silent treatment, in his mind this is justified and doesn't affect the fact that our marriage is going well. Not for the reasons above, but purely selfishly, I don't want a bloody book. My DD says my "love language" ...teenagers.... is gift giving. It is important to me to give the people in my life gifts they want and love, so when I get a book, I don't feel appreciated. He clearly loves books, and thinks this is a lovely gift.
It feels selfish when compared to Disappointed21's experience, for example. So, in the normal course of things, AITA? It's ok to say I am, it doesn't change the fact that everything else in the relationship is a heap of crap.

[mcmammy2]

Strong I just remembered your last thread. I really hope you are still attending a counselor and are getting help in processing things. He is toxic a narcissist and won't change. It's up to you to decide what is best although I know deep down you know what you should do.

[tippexile]

Strong I just remembered your last thread. I really hope you are still attending a counselor and are getting help in processing things. He is toxic a narcissist and won't change. It's up to you to decide what is best although I know deep down you know what you should do.

I agree with all of this. Your best present to yourself is finding a good counsellor who will help you find the confidence to leave him. You deserve so much more out of life than what you are experiencing at the moment. Get help to get self confidence and believe in yourself. Remember you would never want your daughter to experience a relationship like this and you deserve to not go through it too.

[socky2]

He thinks everything is great because he can manipulate you into thinking you are being an asshole when in fact it's the reverse and he is well aware of it.
He sounds like a prick.
This has nothing to do with love languages or otherwise.

Hope the harsh words don't upset you. You deserve better

[Shining]

I totally agree. He totally manipulates it all so somehow its your fault. You're the problem.
I was in a marriage where before every event I too had an outburst/drama which I caused or I was in some way to blame for...when the only person who was at fault was him!!! I had so many events ruined.
I too had the careless gift buying (if I got a gift) and if I didn't think it the most wonderful present on earth then guess what? It was actually my fault for lacking something (taste, intelligence).
It was said above but get yourself a present of counselling to get rid of this toxicity out of your life. When you're in it and you've been conditioned to it, you don't realise how absolutely toxic and damaging this is. You actually do think the problem must be you.
It isn't. It's him.

[Disappointed21]

It is a year since I posted. Today is my birthday again. Dh organised a cake and a lovely gift and made sure the kids did something too. Dinner is booked for this evening for the family and again for Saturday night for just me and dh.
Last year was the start of huge change for my mindset. I now do an evening class once a week and everyone else has to fend for themselves. I've stepped back from some of the things I used to do for everyone else so their lives ran smoothly. It's strange thinking back to a year ago and how low I was. I'm so grateful for this platform and i hope it stays on despite the announcement earlier this year. Thanks to all.

[angrybird]

Bumped for update. Apologies, only saw post now to approve.

[ali]

Brilliant update!. Fantastic that it gave you the drive to look after yourself. Hope you have lovely birthday celebrations this year!

[Kensington]

Well done you! And happy birthday.

[tippexile]

Delighted that things are better. Happy Birthday

[Mrs Yarn]

Great update. Happy birthday

[Deise]

Lovely update, so glad to hear you're in a better place, and they're doing a bit more to show they care.