Small party

[sweep]

When your sister got the invite she should have said something to the mutual friend who was organising it. I can see how it is very hurtful that she didn’t bother. Mutual friend could have said at that stage if she was limiting numbers, didn’t want the uncertainty of people traveling from abroad having to cancel if restrictions changed or if including you would be fine.

I think wait a few days. Then send mutual friend that is organising it a bright and breezy message just saying you’d heard about the party, great idea, well done to her for organising, and if numbers allow you’d love to join, but totally understand if limiting etc for whatever reason.

[ali]

Now I know you and your sister dont have a great relationship but I think this time your upset is being aimed at the wrong person. Its not your sisters party, she has no control over who is invited, she most likely is feeling very torn, dosent want to upset you/dosent want to upset the friend who has invited her. Its not your sisters job to query why you got no invite. Your upset in this situation should be with the friend.

Yes your sister may be a b*tch 9 times out of 10 but this is the one time where its not her fault and its unfair of you to put pressure on her to not go.

[Tickle81]

I'm not sure if I'm reading your post correctly. So apologies if I'm wrong. I don't see what your sister has done wrong. She was invited to a surprise birthday for her friend, who also happens to be your friend. Is it that you feel you were not invited because your sister was? and perhaps the organiser thinks things are not good between yourself and your sister? And because your sister due to logistics sees more of the friend than you got the priority invite?. So in essence you believe your sister should have clarified that ye were both ok and cordial and therefore an invite should have gone to both of you?

[Let down]

The only one my sister knows or is friendly with is the birthday girl. She doesn’t really know the mutual friend at all but is invited as she sees my bridesmaid.

I can’t control who invites my sister places but I have expectations that she’s got my back. She’d expect the same. She’s well able to speak up or right wrongs. Many a time I’ve gone back to where they live and not stayed with my pal as I didn’t want to offend my sister.

I suppose I just feel double punched - a. I was excluded off the invite list for no quantifiable reason and b. The realisation that actually whilst I think my sister has my back/is supportive she’s actually not. As I said it isn’t the first time but fuck it feels a lot worse when it’s to do with a very good friend and when you’re feeling low.

I’m at a loss how to Handle it really as it’s broken me.

[Happymammy]

Theres nothing to handle with your sister. Somebody else invited her to a party & not you. Nothing to do with her.

As for the mutual friend, you can either forget about it or not have her in your life.

I honestly feel like your reaction is a bit over the top.


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[Aphex]

How did you find about the party in the first place? From your sister or someone else? I’d ask the mutual friend about it. Not easy though.

I was wondering this too Did you find out from your sister? It is a very hurtful situation. Some very good advice given above.

[janeymac]

I think the op is justified in feeling hurt by her sister.
Surely anyone half decent if they got an invite to a party for someone who they knew was a good friend of their sister would say to the organiser-look, my sister is a great friend of x, she'd love to come too? Surely you'd do it for a friend or even an acquaintance too?

They are not children. I don't get all the posts saying the sister is not at fault, she was invited and has nothing to do with the organisation. It's a celebration for someone, surely everyone involved wants the person at the centre to have their best friends there? I think there is something really odd about adults happy to knowingly exclude other adults like this. It's like little kids in a playground. Why on earth would the sister not want her sister included especially if she knows it would be hurtful? Feck life is hard enough for us all at times, why would you be part of making a joyous occasion a hurtful one?

Why not get in touch with the organiser directly op and say you heard there is a party and you'd love to go. Surely she will be delighted?

[Taketwo]

Your sister could have said something and she should have. I would have! We aren’t teens, it wouldn’t have been a big deal for her to mention that you too would love to join them and celebrate.

I’m sure your bridesmaid will be upset to think you’re excluded even if in error. I think I’d reach out if I was you to the person organizing and just say you too would love to join them. Just do it, you’ll feel happier once it’s sorted. I might have been an oversight.

[HeyJude]

I think that you need to forget about this and step away from it. Your sister was invited to something you weren't because she sees the person on a regular basis. She has every right to go if she wants to. I don't understand why you would expect her to refuse an invitation to something just because you weren't invited. I also wouldn't expect her to ask if you could go...that's something I see with teens, not grown adults. I don't know what is going on in your life but this party, your sister, bridesmaid etc. are not at fault.

[Ophelia]

Your hurt is understandable but you seem to be projecting a lot of the cause of the hurt on your sister yet she is not the one who did not invite you. You are also placing an expectation that she would contact the mutual friend on your behalf.

Have you told your sister you are upset at not being invited?

Can you not reach out to the mutual friend yourself ?

[RDR]

This is not your sister's fault. This is not your sister's responsibility to fix.

You weren't invited to a party that you think you should have been invited to. That's the issue. Your relationship and scape-goating of your sister added to the fact that you are down already are clouding your thinking.

If you feel you should be there because you are one of the 6 people closest to the birthday girl then you need to contact the organiser and say you'd really like to be there as you and x are very close. If she has reasons that you weren't invited or can't facilitate that then you need to let it go.

You're at risk of making your relationship with your sister even more fraught by unreasonably hanging this on her.

I'm sorry you feel down already and this has made you so sad but nothing you've said justifies you pinning it on your sister.

[Taketwo]

Friends organized a dinner for my birthday. The friend organizing asked ‘Kate’ who is absolutely best friends with ‘Mary’. Didn’t ask Mary. I’m better friends with Kate but would see Mary a lot too, especially through Kate. I would have invited them both had I been doing the invites.

Kate reached out to the friend organizing dinner straight away to say hey, see Mary isn’t on invite, I know she’d love to be there too, any chance you can add her.

Thank goodness! Mary never realized she wasn’t on original list, everyone is happy, organizer relieved. All grown ups. Kate realized it was an oversight. I’m restaurant no space issue etc.

[August]

I can see why you’re upset with your sister for not making sure the organiser knew to invite you too. It sounds like it’s not too late for you to say it to the organiser yourself. That way you don’t have to have a further possibly upsetting conversation with your sister about it. I’m sure your friend will be thrilled you have made such an effort to be there!

[Rita]

It seems your sister still lives in that city so it must likely was they didn’t think you would travel
It sounds like you are in a tough place right now so may be overthinking it….the best thing is contact the mutual friend and say you will be over that weekend so would love to join them
Yes your sister should have thought of you but she didn’t and it seems she isn’t that friendly with the mutual friend so may not want to ask. Life is too short to be bitter…give the friend a shout

[Vino]

I'm assuming that when the sister was invited she would have thought the OP would be too or maybe think it not a big deal as it's a small get together in a different country.
It turns out the OP hasn't been asked and is upset, hindsight would have been a great thing but really it's too late for the sister to ask now.

I'll be honest unless it was a very special birthday with all good friends involved I'd never think to ask or expect to be asked to somewhere not in the county never mind county.
If it were a special birthday, or hen I'd be upset and ask my sister to say something if I felt unable.