Midlife Crisis

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Midlife Crisis

#1 Post by whatever »

I think I’m having a midlife crisis or else I’m depressed, ungrateful or just a miserable cow. Is it a real thing, has anyone lived through one?

I’m 43 and just don't seem happy with my lot, have a lovely loving home, with 2 great kids and husband yet I find myself longing after a different life, new things, new experiences, new people - all fully reachable and doable if I put my mind to it yet I don’t really have the enthusiasm to go and change. I’m sick of the mundane 9-5 and a few drinks and a curry being the highlight of the weekend.

Even DH is bearing the brunt of my mood, I find myself being off with him all the time, everything he does or says is bothering me, I’m questioning us being together after 20 yrs for no reason, he only loves me and is such a good husband and dad. ( I don’t want anyone else btw)

I’m feeling anxious and I don’t know just feel a bit bla

Don’t quote will prob delete
RDR
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Re: Midlife Crisis

#2 Post by RDR »

I don't think you're any of those things (depressed, ungrateful, miserable cow) and I don't know if midlife crisis is it but ... you've the hormones of a 43 year old, 20 years of a relationship and a particular life, kids possibly that bit older and more independent, 18 months of a pandemic closing down a lot of opportunities to do things. Who wouldn't be hankering after a bit of variety and change? So I reckon you're absolutely normal doing a pretty normal reckoning about life, the universe and everything.

FWIW you are definitely not the first on this board to bring this up. And there's no-one isn't justified in feeling "bla" right now. Maybe the pandemic has also played a role in making us feel unsettled and asking "Is this it?"

There's no reason you can't have new experiences, new people, new things and in that sense a new life without having to throw away the things in your life that you do value (like your dh and kids). Maybe some practical changes ... a trip, a course, a new hobby, a sport, a club, a qualification, a new job would help give you some of what you want?
Clara
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Re: Midlife Crisis

#3 Post by Clara »

I feel like this too - I'm thinking it's the pandemic. Hormones too most likely.
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Woolly
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Re: Midlife Crisis

#4 Post by Woolly »

What would make it less like mundane boring etc

Can you add one thing into your life like a new hobby etc or change up what you do as a family and see does that make a diff.

I think the last 18 months have been incredibly hard snd the spontaneity has been knocked out of us all.

I’d try pick something new ( I took up kayaking) and see does that help.
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Re: Midlife Crisis

#5 Post by ClaraLara »

Totally get you.

Too much time at home
Too much time with the husband tripping over each other.
No spontaneous nights out.
Added stress and weirdness with pretty much everything due to COVID

Do you wfh OP? I'm hoping the return to the office, even 1 day a week will open up a whole new set of opportunities to socialize and feel like your own person again.

Life is all very meh at the moment, indeed.
Holly88
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Re: Midlife Crisis

#6 Post by Holly88 »

Yes def agree here.
I’m a few years older and wonder if it’s hormones.

I know Instagram isn’t real but I see people so chirpy and I couldn’t even act that let alone live it.

I think women esp carry a lot of draining mental load stuff and our own identities get steam rolled sometimes in a way that men’s don’t even in happy homes/ good lives.

The one thing I know helps st least a bit is exercise - it gives a sense of power but since eves got darker I’m not out as much partially cos I’m afraid running in the dark on my own which compounds my rage!
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Novbaby31
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Re: Midlife Crisis

#7 Post by Novbaby31 »

I think it is pretty normal to feel this way in your forties so add in the pandemic on top of that and I can see why anyone would be craving change or the feel of something different.

I had a mid life crisis a couple of years ago and took advantage of an opportunity to move to Asia with work. There is no way I would have done this in my 30s - too busy and too deep in the early years of child raising, and no head space for it.

I was very lucky that an opportunity came up on a day when I was in a ‘feck it there has to more than life to this than work, dinner, check homework, bedtime for kids, watch tV, go to bed, rinse, repeat’. So I expressed interest that day and it went from there. I had no plan for this, it wasn’t in the radar at all, and I am here purely because I was having those feelings of there has to be more to life than this.

The feeling you are describing are a good thing really- they are challenging you to get outside you comfort zone and try something new. It doesn’t have to be a big life changing move like mine, something as simple as a new hobby, join a club, pursue an interest can be equally as invigorating.

But after the last 18 months of limited social interaction and limitations on experiences it will be magnifying the feelings a lot.
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Re: Midlife Crisis

#8 Post by Tinky »

I don’t have the same feelings as you right now but I did in my early 40’s, although I wasn’t in the right marriage for me which impacted on my happiness in other areas. I understand the feelings of every day being the same. I was horrified about what my future looked like even though it would have been comfortable, it may have been someone else’s dream life but it wasn’t mine and I had to work on not feeling ungrateful for this. I think it’s important to look at what your life looks like in a year, 5 years, 10 years etc and see if you’d be happy with this and if not take steps to change it.

As Novbaby says new experiences can jolt you out of your stupor. For me recently it has been travel, it doesn’t have to be a big trip or expensive - I went away to a city I’d never been to last week just for the night and whilst I came back tired, my heart to be a little cheesy was full. During lockdown I was a cliche and rediscovered my love of the sea which I’m still reaping benefits from. I guess trying a few new things and seeing what sparks that joy is worth a try.

It might be worth exploring where you get your energy from, or at least where did you used to get it pre this period in your life? What did you like doing pre kids and the humdrum of parenting?


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Re: Midlife Crisis

#9 Post by janeymac »

I think it's not that strange to be assessing your life at this stage of your life and in light of Covid.
In your forties, you're half way through your life.. Lots of things are already settled in terms of a partner /marriage /children /job.
Also when kids are very small, that time can be very intense and not too much time for introspection or even easy to make changes etc.
I guess to me, 40s is like a time to make changes if you feel the way things have settled is not how you expected and the path you're on is not quite the one you want to be on. Maybe some of those settled things need a shake up. I think at this age we are still young but I guess we feel time is moving on and if you're not where you'd like to be, then action is needed.
So I don't think you're ungrateful etc, you just sound like you want to direct your life and that is a good thing.
I hope you figure out some changes to shake it all up a bit.
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Re: Midlife Crisis

#10 Post by Dervydoo »

I honestly think this is normal-I am 49.5!!! And in my early 40s to really until last year I had a serious case of the Blahs. Is this it I would think? LIfe? But the funny thing is in the middle of it all I was always creative and I listened to that and set up a blog which is going strong still (not an influencer instagram one I hasten to add) and that brought good things. So if you have a creative streak at all or anything you would like to do-why not try it? I have to say I found my 40's tough but as I enter the last few mths I seem to be more content and balanced than ever -I'm coming out of that horrible, blah stage and settling in my own skin. I care less about career stuff than I ever did-I didn't even go for a promotion recently-cos I thought will that make my life better or worse? I decided the levels of responsibilty were not right for me. A lot has to do with the fact I made some changes in my life health wise and the kids are at a good stage. So my point is-it's normal and it does change!
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Re: Midlife Crisis

#11 Post by Kemmy »

Clinical Psychologist Dr. Maureen Gaffney has a new book out called “Your one wild and precious life” and she talks about becoming your best self at any age. The book’s message is that we are moving forward and developing as people right throughout our lives. In it, she writes, “you are the author of that story… you can also reset your story, and direct your development on to a new course. You begin to see that your life, like every life, is not linear. Instead, it is characterised by advances and setbacks, lapses and gains, and that they are all part of the developmental process that made, and is still making, you the person that you are.”

She’s done a few radio and newspaper interviews recently so have a read of them and maybe consider getting the book.
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