DS worried about his girlfriend

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Concern Parent
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DS worried about his girlfriend

#1 Post by Concern Parent »

My son is very worried about his girlfriend and her mental health. She doesn't come from a very stable family background and a lot of the time her parents seem to forget that they have a child.

She is 16 and suffering from depression and anxiety but she's not on medication or seeing anyone. The attitude at home is basically just get up and stop being so lazy. Parents aren't engaging with services and they have been told that their daughter needs help.

Is there anything I can do to help her. She is 16 so at this age can she go to a GP by herself, is she old enough to be prescribed medication without parental consent or book herself an appointment with a therapist. My son has confided in me about the family situation and said his gf would be very uncomfortable with me knowing. But she's here a lot and a lot of the issue are obvious.

I don't want to overstep the mark and have told my DS that if she wanted to go to a GP or a therapist I would pay for an appointment and he can say to the GF that he's paying for it. But he doesn't think she'll go or accept him paying for it.

Is there anything I can do to help. It's breaking my heart how much she is struggling and being ignored. There's no one else really in her family she can turn too. My son is doing all he can but he's only 16.

elizaDoo
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Re: DS worried about his girlfriend

#2 Post by elizaDoo »

I think all you can do is offer her your support and by paying for a Gp appointment this will give her the option. Many of her issues may come from her family situation so approaching her parents might not be appropriate and could make things worse for her.
Awful situation for her to be in but lucky she has your som to lean on. Perhaps the GP will offer her medication and low cost counselling.
I don’t think it’s overstepping the mark if your son is offering to pay as he is just trying to help her and hopefully she accepts.
Hopefully she gets some help soon.

Vino
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Re: DS worried about his girlfriend

#3 Post by Vino »

I mean this in the kindest way, how certain are you about her family circumstances? Is the only source of info coming from your ds girlfriend or do our know more about them through the wider community? I ask because this could be the version of events happening from the mind of a troubled young person and possibly not an accurate reflection. Of course it's very likely it's exactly what's going on.

Are there services like mind space/jigsaw locally that she can access? She could go to her gp herself and explain the situation and lack of money. I doubt it would be an issue in this case.
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Re: DS worried about his girlfriend

#4 Post by Concerned Parent »

Vino, she's definitely telling the truth. Don't want to go into more detail but what I posted is just the tip of the iceberg and anyone who knows the family knows the background.

There is a local jigsaw and I have already passed that information to my son.

I would never dream of approaching her family.

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Re: DS worried about his girlfriend

#5 Post by Unnamed poster 7 »

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DiscoGirl
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Re: DS worried about his girlfriend

#6 Post by DiscoGirl »

Similar to what’s been said already, and fair play fit being concerned,also keep the conversation line open with your ds, this can’t be easy on him

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Re: DS worried about his girlfriend

#7 Post by Shining »

I have come across both scenarios. And that's only within my own family!
It must be heavy on your ds. I would even encourage him to ring Jigsaw for support for himself.
At 16 she would be old enough to go to gp by herself. Plus is there a family resource centre near you? They often have services to support a young person (I know our local youth project does counselling in our centre). I would nearly ring the resource centre for the family support worker and have a chat. Our Tusla has a family support unit that does drop ins in our centre too.

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Re: DS worried about his girlfriend

#8 Post by Posher »

I know it's school holidays but another avenue she could explore when she's back after the summer break is the school counsellor. My DD attends one and finds her very good.

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Re: DS worried about his girlfriend

#9 Post by newshoes »

It sounds very tough on the young girl but it does sound like there is very little you can do for her aside from facilitating gp visits.

If it's a child welfare/abuse/ neglect issue that's a bit different but it sounds more like its a poor relationship with her parents?

I would very strongly suggest that you help your son develop some boundaries for himself. He is too young for her to lean on him to any major extent. This is probably his first serious relationship and is going to influence all other relationships going forward. Encourage his relationship with his friends and and support any activities/ sports he does.

I know this might sound awful but I wouldn't be supportive of her being in your house too much, encourage them to go out and be active. In terms of you paying but him pretending it is him, I'd also say tell her the truth, it's modelling a healthy parental relationship where he had confided in you and also establishing that boundary in their relationship.

I unfortunately have experience where one young person is exerting undue influence on their gf/bf and it usually ends up worse for the gf/bf. I'm not saying that it what is happening here, only some of what you describe could be the first step towards it.

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Re: DS worried about his girlfriend

#10 Post by Lady Madonna »

Is there a foróige group she might be interested in? My son attended our local foróige group and it seemed to be somewhere they could just gather and chat and go on trips in the summer but a friend who worked for them said a lot more goes on behind the scenes. My friend said her daughter got very good 1 to 1 support from a particular leader there.

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Re: DS worried about his girlfriend

#11 Post by StarryNight »

newshoes wrote: Thu Jul 08, 2021 10:36 am It sounds very tough on the young girl but it does sound like there is very little you can do for her aside from facilitating gp visits.

If it's a child welfare/abuse/ neglect issue that's a bit different but it sounds more like its a poor relationship with her parents?

I would very strongly suggest that you help your son develop some boundaries for himself. He is too young for her to lean on him to any major extent. This is probably his first serious relationship and is going to influence all other relationships going forward. Encourage his relationship with his friends and and support any activities/ sports he does.

I know this might sound awful but I wouldn't be supportive of her being in your house too much, encourage them to go out and be active. In terms of you paying but him pretending it is him, I'd also say tell her the truth, it's modelling a healthy parental relationship where he had confided in you and also establishing that boundary in their relationship.

I unfortunately have experience where one young person is exerting undue influence on their gf/bf and it usually ends up worse for the gf/bf. I'm not saying that it what is happening here, only some of what you describe could be the first step towards it.

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I agree with this.
The relationship sounds far too intense for 16 year olds.

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Re: DS worried about his girlfriend

#12 Post by Clara »

newshoes wrote: Thu Jul 08, 2021 10:36 am It sounds very tough on the young girl but it does sound like there is very little you can do for her aside from facilitating gp visits.

If it's a child welfare/abuse/ neglect issue that's a bit different but it sounds more like its a poor relationship with her parents?

I would very strongly suggest that you help your son develop some boundaries for himself. He is too young for her to lean on him to any major extent. This is probably his first serious relationship and is going to influence all other relationships going forward. Encourage his relationship with his friends and and support any activities/ sports he does.

I know this might sound awful but I wouldn't be supportive of her being in your house too much, encourage them to go out and be active. In terms of you paying but him pretending it is him, I'd also say tell her the truth, it's modelling a healthy parental relationship where he had confided in you and also establishing that boundary in their relationship.

I unfortunately have experience where one young person is exerting undue influence on their gf/bf and it usually ends up worse for the gf/bf. I'm not saying that it what is happening here, only some of what you describe could be the first step towards it.

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I agree with this excellent advice. You are only hearing her side of things second hand.
Also a GP should never just prescribe a 16yr old medication for depression/anxiety without parental/guardian consent.

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Re: DS worried about his girlfriend

#13 Post by Unnamed poster 7 »

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Re: DS worried about his girlfriend

#14 Post by Clara »

I am a nurse who can prescribe, SSRI medication in under 18's should be supervised by a psychiatrist, there are clear guidelines on this.
Last edited by Clara on Thu Jul 08, 2021 11:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: DS worried about his girlfriend

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