Teen worried about sexuality

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Betty27
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Re: Teen worried about sexuality

#31 Post by Betty27 »

Not slating you but the only one with the issue here is you. Clearly you don’t want a child who is gay. So now you’re trying to influence her but pushing her towards meeting boys.
I don’t get the issue about having her armpits, I have no idea nor have I ever had any idea as to when and how often my dd shaved. Why is it an issue?
I think she’s rebelling in these ways because you are trying to control who she is and who she’s is attracted to.


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Re: Teen worried about sexuality

#32 Post by ainm2 »

Leave her alone and support her. Why would you be bothered if she shaves her armpits? I'd have no issue if my daughter had the confidence to own her body hair which is perfectly natural. I find it very odd that you'd worry hanging around with groups of girls might encourage her to have feelings for them...? All teenage girls I know hang around in groups of girls.... (And if any of them are lesbians then what about it?! )
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Re: Teen worried about sexuality

#33 Post by tippexile »

Honestly you have to let her be her, whether she is gay, straight, bisexual whatever. You can't choose her life or sexuality. Your job is to love her no matter what and to let her know that.
Yes, it will be harder for her if she is gay but she will always be your daughter, that little girl that you love.
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Re: Teen worried about sexuality

#34 Post by kahlan »

Worried mum, you can’t be ‘influenced’ into being gay. You either are or are not or whatever in between. I hear that you are worried for your child, but whatever her eventual decision about her orientation, your only role is to love and accept and support her, regardless of your own feelings. If your own feelings are going to negatively impact your ability to love and support and accept your daughter then you have to go and deal with those. There’s nothing wrong with your child. She may be confused or working out her own orientation, like lots of teens do, and if she can’t rely on you, that’s what will cause her problems, not her friends, social media, leaflets from school etc. Any child who can openly speak with loving and accepting parents has a good chance of working out their teen challenges. For what it’s worth, my own parents (conservative, rural, catholic and in their 70’s) celebrated my sister’s wedding to her lovely wife 5 years ago, the same as any other wedding we have had in the family. They may have private thoughts about their daughter being gay, but they remain private and they have never shown her and her wife the greatest of love and respect, as they should. That’s the job of being a parent. Best of luck.
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Re: Teen worried about sexuality

#35 Post by Shining »

I appreciate your friend may have had a difficult experience but a supportive home environment for any child is the most important thing. Equally I have lesbian friends who are in wonderful relationships, family support...you could say that I as a straight person had a terrible life, awful relationships and treated badly.
Lesbians can be "pink" and feminine too. The underarm hair means nothing.
My daughter is always going round of groups; it's great to see her out and about.
Forget about her sexuality and just be there for her.
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Re: Teen worried about sexuality

#36 Post by Worried mum »

kahlan wrote: Sat Jun 12, 2021 6:22 pm Worried mum, you can’t be ‘influenced’ into being gay. You either are or are not or whatever in between. I hear that you are worried for your child, but whatever her eventual decision about her orientation, your only role is to love and accept and support her, regardless of your own feelings. If your own feelings are going to negatively impact your ability to love and support and accept your daughter then you have to go and deal with those. There’s nothing wrong with your child. She may be confused or working out her own orientation, like lots of teens do, and if she can’t rely on you, that’s what will cause her problems, not her friends, social media, leaflets from school etc. Any child who can openly speak with loving and accepting parents has a good chance of working out their teen challenges. For what it’s worth, my own parents (conservative, rural, catholic and in their 70’s) celebrated my sister’s wedding to her lovely wife 5 years ago, the same as any other wedding we have had in the family. They may have private thoughts about their daughter being gay, but they remain private and they have never shown her and her wife the greatest of love and respect, as they should. That’s the job of being a parent. Best of luck.
Can i ask would your sister still have a very close mothee daughter relationship, as im so close to my dd she will message me from school or if shes out with updates etc and i think that is something that im worried for some reason would change if she was gay if she had another close female in her life our mother daughter relationship wouldn't be the same
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Re: Teen worried about sexuality

#37 Post by Swoon »

Why would it change? I don't get the logic at all.
Even if she had another close female relationship, it's not going to be a mother/daughter relationship. There's no substitute for that.
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Re: Teen worried about sexuality

#38 Post by Unnamed poster 7 »

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Re: Teen worried about sexuality

#39 Post by DiscoGirl »

I would say you have nothing to worry about regarding mother/daughter relationship , you will always be her mother ,nobody else could ever step into those shoes
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Re: Teen worried about sexuality

#40 Post by kahlan »

Worried mum wrote: Sat Jun 12, 2021 6:40 pm
kahlan wrote: Sat Jun 12, 2021 6:22 pm Worried mum, you can’t be ‘influenced’ into being gay. You either are or are not or whatever in between. I hear that you are worried for your child, but whatever her eventual decision about her orientation, your only role is to love and accept and support her, regardless of your own feelings. If your own feelings are going to negatively impact your ability to love and support and accept your daughter then you have to go and deal with those. There’s nothing wrong with your child. She may be confused or working out her own orientation, like lots of teens do, and if she can’t rely on you, that’s what will cause her problems, not her friends, social media, leaflets from school etc. Any child who can openly speak with loving and accepting parents has a good chance of working out their teen challenges. For what it’s worth, my own parents (conservative, rural, catholic and in their 70’s) celebrated my sister’s wedding to her lovely wife 5 years ago, the same as any other wedding we have had in the family. They may have private thoughts about their daughter being gay, but they remain private and they have never shown her and her wife the greatest of love and respect, as they should. That’s the job of being a parent. Best of luck.
Can i ask would your sister still have a very close mothee daughter relationship, as im so close to my dd she will message me from school or if shes out with updates etc and i think that is something that im worried for some reason would change if she was gay if she had another close female in her life our mother daughter relationship wouldn't be the same
Their relationship hasn’t changed one iota. They have a normal, loving adult mother -daughter relationship, same as my own relationship with my mother, unaffected by our choice of life partners. Please don’t make this all about you, it’s about your young daughter…give her your unconditional love and support and go deal with your own hang ups (which by the way, you are entitled to have, but not to pass on iykwim)
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Re: Teen worried about sexuality

#41 Post by lucanlily »

I think this thread is a wind up. Do people actually think like this in 2021?
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Re: Teen worried about sexuality

#42 Post by Betty27 »

Worried mum wrote:
kahlan wrote: Sat Jun 12, 2021 6:22 pm Worried mum, you can’t be ‘influenced’ into being gay. You either are or are not or whatever in between. I hear that you are worried for your child, but whatever her eventual decision about her orientation, your only role is to love and accept and support her, regardless of your own feelings. If your own feelings are going to negatively impact your ability to love and support and accept your daughter then you have to go and deal with those. There’s nothing wrong with your child. She may be confused or working out her own orientation, like lots of teens do, and if she can’t rely on you, that’s what will cause her problems, not her friends, social media, leaflets from school etc. Any child who can openly speak with loving and accepting parents has a good chance of working out their teen challenges. For what it’s worth, my own parents (conservative, rural, catholic and in their 70’s) celebrated my sister’s wedding to her lovely wife 5 years ago, the same as any other wedding we have had in the family. They may have private thoughts about their daughter being gay, but they remain private and they have never shown her and her wife the greatest of love and respect, as they should. That’s the job of being a parent. Best of luck.
Can i ask would your sister still have a very close mothee daughter relationship, as im so close to my dd she will message me from school or if shes out with updates etc and i think that is something that im worried for some reason would change if she was gay if she had another close female in her life our mother daughter relationship wouldn't be the same
If you continue to push her to be someone you want her to be then it will affect your relationship.


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Re: Teen worried about sexuality

#43 Post by tippexile »

Your relationship is going to change anyway as she grows up. She will be making her own life independently of yours whether she is gay or straight.
You can't keep her as a child who depends on you and allows you to decide what she can do. And if you try, you will lose her anyway. And if you can't accept her sexuality, you will lose her.
Do you see the common thread here? Your daughter is her own person and if you can't love and accept her as that person, then you will lose that special relationship.
Just let her live her own life and accept and love her.
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Re: Teen worried about sexuality

#44 Post by Worried mum »

Thanks all. I can assure you its not a wind up, i as a mum like the rest of us is generally struggling with it all.

I just feel she is very influenced and easily led and im worried about her been influenced by something that she isnt or putting herself in the wrong box but do i just stand back and let her figure it all out.

She is just very immature though too. She got money at the weekend and all she wanted was to buy a build a bear but yet she is trying to work through all these options. Teenage years are definitely difficult to parent.
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Re: Teen worried about sexuality

#45 Post by Rita »

Its hard when your child is growing up and your relationship changes..as they do. But different isn't worse...it can even be better.
I am a bit confused though.. you don't want her meeting up with a group of girls in case she ' becomes' gay? Isnt it just normal teen behaviour..regardless of sexuality..to hang out with friends.

As for not shaving her armpits maybe she just dislikes it and thinks why should she? It might be one thing she can control right now .
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