Dd14 out of control,just pushing boundaries or in need of he

[SeanTheSheep]

Same as others here, my heart goes out to you.
You come across as a good caring person.
I have no advice other than what others have said, get a cheap device that can record video and audio. I think you will need the evidence.

[Radar]

Shining, that is a horrible situation for you. Obviously you love your daughter , it doesn’t always mean we like them all the time.
I just want to echo what others have said. Try the Parentline option, get skills and resources that might help you handle this .
Is there anyone in school that can help, a guidance counsellor, a member of the pastoral team. I’m sure they would try to support you and her if you contact them.

[Kensington]

god I really feel for you Shining - and your younger one. that is so abusive. My sibling was fairly turbulent during the teen years - nothing like this - and I can still remember the peace in the house when they moved out.

The parentline option sounds good. I think I would also talk to the pastoral team at the school about this behaviour. And yes, I would record her. Also the next time she goes off though I would be inclined to calmly ask her how long does she think you will tolerate this in YOUR house because no one will put up with abuse forever and she is fast approaching the age where it is perfectly fine for her to be told to make her own way in life if she hates her family so much. I wouldn't get into it with her just ask her as a matter of interest why on earth she thinks you will continue to tolerate this abuse.

[mcmammy2]

Kensington that is a good idea. Also just a thought could you print out something detailing what abusive behaviour is and how people should deal with it eg. In an abusive behaviour with a spouse you would be told to walk away. It is never acceptable. When she is calm and you have said what Kensington suggests you could hand it to her and walk away. Then outline the boundaries that are unacceptable behaviour under any and every circumstance and how you will deal with them eg verbal abuse, threatening and intimidating behaviour you will call the Gardai and stick to it. Let her see that she cannot under any circumstances cross your boundaries of simple common decency and respect. Take away privileges if she abuses them, if she says her friends mam was bad mouthing you that is fine friend is no longer allowed contact. Shining I really feel for you as this must trigger you from your past, but I know you have this.You no longer need to tolerate abuse from anyone you are a fantastic, strong mum who has dealt with some bad stuff in the past and you managed to raise your kids despite that trauma.

[Tobo]

Shining, I'm very sorry you're going through this. I've no advice at all, but some good suggestions given. It's sounds so stressful.
Have you any friend you can confide in to give you support?

[Unnamed poster]

I'm really sorry this is happening to you Shining. You are someone who always comes across as gentle and very very decent. I have no advice to offer only to echo the counselling for yourself, this must be so wearing. Xx

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[Gypsy]

Oh Shining, I have no advice but that was hard to read so must be really hard to live. I hope you have someone in real life that you can talk to?

[rosepetal]

Shining I really feel for you, you're in a tough place for sure. I think the time for softly softly has passed, maybe its time for tough love with your dd. She has to learn its not acceptable to treat you like that. I would certainly start by removing any privileges like her phone credit, lifts etc until she shows you some respect.

[angrybird]

Jesus Shining, that’s difficult to read. You poor thing. I’ve no advice but just to say I’m thinking of you. You really don’t deserve that.

[Dobble]

Another one with no advice but just want to offer you my support, sounds absolutely horrendous, most of us as parents of teens have had some problems/arguments with them but really your dd sounds to have severe issues, you do need external help at this stage
Is it constant with her?
How did your mother react when she witnessed her in full flow?

[molls]

Your daughter sounds deeply troubled. But you have done what you can and you and your younger child deserve to feel safe in your own home. I have no advice on what to do with her, but would suggest you try to arrange for some nice times for you and the younger child - a cinema trip, an evening visiting a friend or relative, a day-trip even if somewhere new for cake and a hot chocolate. Please mind yourself.

[Shining]

Quick response - I will respond more tomorrow, just very drained.
It's has been always consistent, but constant in recent times. I mean constant.
My mother has seen her behaviour countless times. She thinks there is loads of support out there...and that hasn't been my experience. I won't go into too much but i have a sibling who treats my parents appallingly and I'm winded that I have the same.
It sounds awful but I feel like I need a holiday from her.

[Dobble]

You absolutely need a holiday from her.. mind yourself and your younger child x

[Rita]

Have you ever done family counselling ?

It doesn't sound awful at all to need a break..you are human. You need to put yourself first . And your other dd. If there is anyone that will take her I would book a weekend away or is there anyone that would stay in your house with her?

[StarryNight]

Would you trust her enough to head off for a full day with your other dd? Just out the door first thing and don't even tell her when you'll be back in the evening.