My friend said my dh groped her

[Mrs chic]

Yes it's not advisable to ignore this. What if she were to come back in 2 years and say... I was too upset at the time.
It would possibly destroy his career mental health etc.
It has to be investigated now. CCTV witnesses exact details. Possibly solicitor present for interview... defamation and slander

[Rita]

I would want her to tell me exactly where it happened as your dh has no recollection and wasn't drunk and is upset.
Maybe your dh brushed off her as can happen in a crowd when people are pushing past etc and she mistook it ..but really you know your dh and you were there and he wasn't even drunk.
Why did she tell you and then tell you not to say it yo him? What is she hoping to achieve..sounds to me she has issues.

[DiscoGirl]

I would be ringing her to let her know that you told your husband, he is very upset and has denied it , I would also be asking her to meet up with you and ur husband and advise her to bring someone with her , how upsetting this must be for your husband and you, someone is lying and it needs to be sorted, I would not let this go tbh


Also not sure why her weight loss was mentioned, and being flirty, these are irrelevant imo

[wuzziwig]

I would take this very seriously because it is very serious. There's 2 scenarios here.
1) Your DH sexually assaulted a woman.
2) Your DH has been wrongly accused of sexually assaulting a woman.

There has been an extremely serious allegation made against him and you need to get to the bottom of this (excuse the pun!).

Does your DH feel she should be confronted about this? If she is lying she needs to be held accountable for it. Likewise if your DH did grope her.

[janeymac]

I'm not sure what I would do in this situation but take your time and think it through. I might even let things lie for awhile and see where she's going with it or if it was a kind of throwaway comment. From what you say, she is saying no big deal so you don't need to rush into action.
I wouldn't go straight down the road of cctv, witnesses, a solicitor someone mentioned. As we know only too well, these kind of things are really he said/she said and if she's cornered even if it's not true she may well feel compelled to stick to her story. You risk blowing this up into something huge that ends up with big repercussions for all mostly your husband.
Take your time with it would be my advice.

[KikkiD]

Removed as already discussed above!

[Anon]

Thank you. She mentioned it in passing. Absolutely no big deal to her. She saw how horrified i was and she said it was no big deal and not to mention it to him as he would be embarrassed. She said she is sure he thought it was me. Absolutely no way, we don't look alike and dh would never do that to me anyway.

The scenario is, we were in a bar. Dh stepped out to check his phone, came back in and grabbed her ass and laughed on way in. He is adamant it never happened and is horrified, embarrassed and upset.

[KikkiD]

I think you should say that you take it extremely seriously as does your DH and want the three of you to meet in person to discuss the matter


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This is a good option I think. If she is lying she will surely backtrack on this

[janeymac]

I would take this very seriously because it is very serious. There's 2 scenarios here.
1) Your DH sexually assaulted a woman.
2) Your DH has been wrongly accused of sexually assaulting a woman.

There has been an extremely serious allegation made against him and you need to get to the bottom of this (excuse the pun!).

Does your DH feel she should be confronted about this? If she is lying she needs to be held accountable for it. Likewise if your DH did grope her.

If the friend is saying she was groped and it's no big deal as her ass is grabbed all the time, no way would I be telling her that I wanted to investigate an alleged sexual assault on her by my husband, particularly when the op believes her husband.
I think the op would be mad to invite such trouble on herself.
There is no getting to the truth- it's he said/ she said as we all know.

[annemgr1]

She is basically accusing your DH of sexual assault. To be honest I think you and your DH need to talk to a solicitor before you do anything else. Your friend may not realise the implications of what she has alleged, in any case a solicitor may be able to advise whether an informal discussion or a formal letter outlining your DHs position would be better. I wouldn't meet her with your DH until you take legal advice.

[Iamsoneedy]

I would take this very seriously because it is very serious. There's 2 scenarios here.
1) Your DH sexually assaulted a woman.
2) Your DH has been wrongly accused of sexually assaulting a woman.

There has been an extremely serious allegation made against him and you need to get to the bottom of this (excuse the pun!).

Does your DH feel she should be confronted about this? If she is lying she needs to be held accountable for it. Likewise if your DH did grope her.

If the friend is saying she was groped and it's no big deal as her ass is grabbed all the time, no way would I be telling her that I wanted to investigate an alleged sexual assault on her by my husband, particularly when the op believes her husband.
I think the op would be mad to invite such trouble on herself.
There is no getting to the truth- it's he said/ she said as we all know.

She’s accusing the OP’s husband of sexual assault though. It’s a pretty serious allegation to make and could destroy someone’s life.

I would absolutely be getting to the bottom of it.

[Posher]

Yes it's not advisable to ignore this. What if she were to come back in 2 years and say... I was too upset at the time.
It would possibly destroy his career mental health etc.
It has to be investigated now. CCTV witnesses exact details. Possibly solicitor present for interview... defamation and slander

Seriously? Not a chance it should be taken that far IMO.

OP ignore her, have nothing more to do with her, tell your DH you fully believe him and then both of you move on. I wouldn't give it any more head space TBH. I can't believe posters here are talking legal, solicitors, etc.

[Tobo]

I wouldn't say a thing to her for a while, perhaps go to a solicitor if you're in a position to do so, and get it documented.
I would then sit and wait.
It's now almost silly season, parties, drink etc, so let her enough rope to hang herself, she'll most likely find another few arse grabbers, and so she'll gain reputation.

[DiscoGirl]

Yes it's not advisable to ignore this. What if she were to come back in 2 years and say... I was too upset at the time.
It would possibly destroy his career mental health etc.
It has to be investigated now. CCTV witnesses exact details. Possibly solicitor present for interview... defamation and slander

Seriously? Not a chance it should be taken that far IMO.

OP ignore her, have nothing more to do with her, tell your DH you fully believe him and then both of you move on. I wouldn't give it any more head space TBH. I can't believe posters here are talking legal, solicitors, etc.

Groping a woman or a man is serious , if a Heymammy said she was groped by a man I'm sure we would be telling her to get legal advise etc, if this woman is making false accusations well that's also serious

[janeymac]

Groping a woman or a man is serious , if a Heymammy said she was groped by a man I'm sure we would be telling her to get legal advise etc, if this woman is making false accusations well that's also serious

Not necessarily. It depends on what exactly the groping consisted of, who groped her and the effect on her.
The op's friend from what we've heard seems not to be regarding this event as a sexual assault ( I'm not disputing that such an action would be an assault btw). She states her ass gets grabbed regularly( does she have multiple sexual assault accusations on the go?) She doesn't want the husband to be told as it would embarrass him which seems an oddly friendly attitude towards someone you regard as having sexually assaulted you.
If the friend doesn't take it further, then I would leave it.
I supported a friend in a situation where she was sexually assaulted. Despite statements and witness statements etc, the DPP didn't want to proceed with it. It was more serious than what seems to be described there and she said herself it wasn't at the serious end of sexual assault. Gardai told her that too. It wasn't someone she knew nor was he a local person but I can't imagine initiating something like this involving my husband where it might end up with no resolution except friendships sundered and her friend and husbands reputations both possibly besmirched. The repercussions for all family members, children etc.....if this was to be known among a local community but possibly never be resolved.
I wouldn't meet trouble half way, ratcheting up with involving solicitors etc and start something that spirals out of control in no time. Something with potential awful long term consequences. . Unless the friend is going round telling people, I would ignore and move on.