Found A *weed grinder* in DS pocket

[Worried Mum]

I will start by saying that I was not snooping-I was going to borrow one of DS's (almost 18) Northface gillets for a walk.
I tried it on, there was a sag in one side because of a heavy weight in the pocket. I took the item out and it's a weed grinder.
I didn't know what it was, I had to send a pic to a work mate.
I'm quite surprised, I've never smelt anything from DS (I've s nose like a bloodhound), I'm sure if I ask, he will say it belongs to someone else.

What would you do?
Keep an eye on him and say nothing
Have it straight out with him

I haven't looked anywhere else in his room, haven't snooped. DH as usual is saying nothing.

[ali]

Are there younger kids in the house?

[CLBG]

I wouldn't even know what a weed grinder is :-)

I always prefer to be direct. But I think you'd have to decide first what it is that you want to say and how you want to say it. If it is his, you can expect to be lied to. So there is a limit to what you'll achieve. Is he in 6th year? How is his behaviour generally? I'd want to be sure that he's focussing on his schoolwork and the LC.

Why is your DH not saying anything? Does he not have an opinion on it?

[Worried Mum]

I didn't know what it was, I had to send a pic to a work colleague-he told me what it was.
He is in 1st year college-he doesn't smoke cigarettes, works part time and has a girlfriend. His behaviour is the same as any other teen.
Younger DS (16) at home.
DH thinks if I say something he will think I was snooping, thinks we should say nothing and keep an eye on him.

[Novbaby31]

I would talk to him directly, you weren’t snooping and he wasn’t exactly hiding it by leaving it in a coat pocket where anyone who handled his coat could find it.

It is okay to talk to him, be prepared for defensiveness or lying. But you can talk about your concerns, talk about the potential dangers of smoking weed, what your red lines are about drug use especially with respect to having illegal substances in your home.

[HeyJude]

Novbaby31 gives good advice. Talk to him. You weren't snooping. You found it accidently. Stress the dangers of smoking weed and also being found with it on him. I would have an honest chat with him. I think if it was me I probably would have a look in his room but I'll probably be shot down for saying that. I think just that I would know what I'm dealing with. I would never tell him I looked but I'd like to know before I started the conversation. Do you know what you will say if he says yes it's his and so what???? You are probably prepared for denial etc. but be prepared for the other side also and what you want to achieve.

[RDR]

I think if it was me I probably would have a look in his room but I'll probably be shot down for saying that.

I'd hope you wouldn't be shot down. It is a bizarre idea (I think) that someone living under your roof (in this case a child) has a right to do whatever or have whatever in the house you own, where you would quite possibly be considered complicit if whatever it was was found in your house (think drugs, think weapons, think child pornography). I think if you have any reason to consider someone in your house may be involved in bringing something illegal into your home then you have a right to investigate. But maybe I'll be shot down for saying that too


OP, I think NovBaby's advice is good.

[Kensington]

I agree with Novbaby. Say it to him direct. I borrowed your jacket and put my hand on this in the pocket. I know what it is. I'd like to talk to you about your smoking weed.

We had a similar conversation with ds at similar age. For my son's age group it is way more common than drinking (it is now legal where I live but I think that was true before legalisation). We talked about how weed is sold and being part of the criminal culture ( a kid who played soccer with my son went to prison for dealing at around the age of 18 - now he didn't have the best start in life but he was a nice kid back then - I more or less told my fellow that guys like him to don't have my son's advantages are going to take the rap for him and his buddies). Also it really does affect the developing brain - that one doesn't seem to have much effect on my son.

[Novbaby31]

I gave you the rational approach that I would hope to take.

I suspect I would be much less rational having seen first hand the effects of cannabis induced pyschosis and the life long implications it has for someone I loved. After listening to psychiatrists talk extensively about the impact of smoking weed as a teenager has on the developing brain and having to listen to them describe a loved one as having brain damage due to smoking weed over an extended period I know it will drive a less rational reaction when I have to deal with this.

[Groucho]

I can't see anything wrong with checking his room. The 18 bit wouldn't bother me in the slightest. He's living under your roof. I presume he's financially dependent on you. He is still your responsibility. Snooping? Feck that - I'd probably turn his room inside out better than the Guards would, on the basis that his first reaction would probably be to lie when confronted, so I'd prefer to have done my preliminary investigations first, before he had the chance to hide anything else.

I worry a lot about this when my lads are older. The notion that weed is harmless is so wrong.

[Mrs chic]

After a recent drug awareness talk.
Parents are normally last to know
Drugs are often hidden in parents room
Cannibas is seen as harmless it is far from it.
thc lodges in body fat and has a 3 day half life. That means it takes 30 days for it to leave the system. If he is smoking a joint a week it will still build up in the system.
Contact CADaboutdrugs for advice in how to deal with this.
Hope all goes ok.

[Elsie]

ive nothing else to offer except to say well done for staying so calm.... although your hubby seems ultra calm about it.
agree with the advice above.

best of luck and let us know how you get on

[Starryeyedsurprise]

Have been there OP. I don't know what a weed grinder is but I had my suspicions about my then 17 year old son. He is now 18. I got him to empty his pockets one evening and I found a joint. He said he didn't see the problem as he was only smoking the odd time and it was better than drinking. I know where he is getting the weed. It is from a friend of his. I explained to him that it was illegal. If he was stopped and searched, he would be in serious trouble. That did shake him up a bit. He is now 18 so he could still well be smoking. He drinks very little.

You handled it very well OP. My approach was to address the legal side of it.

[KikkiD]

After a recent drug awareness talk.
Parents are normally last to know
Drugs are often hidden in parents room
Cannibas is seen as harmless it is far from it.
thc lodges in body fat and has a 3 day half life. That means it takes 30 days for it to leave the system. If he is smoking a joint a week it will still build up in the system.
Contact CADaboutdrugs for advice in how to deal with this.
Hope all goes ok.

Agree with the above, and not only is the THC much stronger than the "70's" version of weed as many are unaware of, it is also contributing to many early psychosis cases https://www.irishtimes.com/news/ireland ... -1.3831203

[greenbee]

After a recent drug awareness talk.
Parents are normally last to know
Drugs are often hidden in parents room
Cannibas is seen as harmless it is far from it.
thc lodges in body fat and has a 3 day half life. That means it takes 30 days for it to leave the system. If he is smoking a joint a week it will still build up in the system.
Contact CADaboutdrugs for advice in how to deal with this.
Hope all goes ok.

Agree with the above, and not only is the THC much stronger than the "70's" version of weed as many are unaware of, it is also contributing to many early psychosis cases https://www.irishtimes.com/news/ireland ... -1.3831203

This terrifies me.. since my dad has a long term serious mental health issue we were warned off smoking weed or taking any drugs ... I really want to try to get this message across to my kids, they are young now but I do worry about them in the future .