Friends issue - update

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RedHen
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Re: Friends issue - update

#16 Post by RedHen »

That must have hurt to have been excluded from the group. It was brave of you to pick up the phone and try to sort it out but the answer from Mary's best friend seems to have been that she wants to continue keeping her distance. It seems a bit odd that the whole group are willing to exclude you simply because you are friends with Jane.

Do you believe Jane said the awful things to Mary and her relative? My instinct would be to not accept everything Mary's best friend has said at face value. Has Jane mentioned her rift with the group and how it came about? I'd wonder if the rest of the group would also say they are excluding you because you are friends with Jane or if there's something else in their minds.
Dax
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Re: Friends issue - update

#17 Post by Dax »

Starryeyedsurprise wrote: If somebody like "Jane" upset her while she was ill, I would be absolutely livid :crybaby:
But would you exclude Jane's friend because of Jane's actions? The loss of someone close to you is an awful thing and unfortunately I've been there many times :( but it doesn't give anyone a right to be awful to someone else. And the fact that this entire group of women think it's acceptable to exclude the OP because of her association with Jane is absolutely disgraceful imo.
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Starryeyedsurprise
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Re: Friends issue - update

#18 Post by Starryeyedsurprise »

Dax wrote:
Starryeyedsurprise wrote: If somebody like "Jane" upset her while she was ill, I would be absolutely livid :crybaby:
But would you exclude Jane's friend because of Jane's actions? The loss of someone close to you is an awful thing and unfortunately I've been there many times :( but it doesn't give anyone a right to be awful to someone else. And the fact that this entire group of women think it's acceptable to exclude the OP because of her association with Jane is absolutely disgraceful imo.
No Dax but grief can blind you too. Both Jane and the other shower sound awful tbh
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Re: Friends issue - update

#19 Post by janeymac »

I find the whole palaver very strange among a group of adult women. They all must have plenty of time on their hands with little to do.
I don't see any dignity in using their friend's death and her name to justify treating you or indeed Jane badly.
To be honest, if I was treated like this by friends you say you loved, it would totally put me off them. I wouldn't want to be friends with women like that. They just wouldn't appeal to me anymore when I saw their true colours.
I don't even know how they monitor who you're friends with. All my friends have other groups of friends too. I don't know who they're meeting when they're not with me. How does a group of women know who you're friends with and then conspire to leave you out?
Telling you they are leaving you out as some sort of grieving process for their friend is particularly low I think and not genuine. I think it's quite a horrible legacy to bestow on someone's memory.
It's particularly in these moments that we realize that life is short, it's unpredictable and it's time to draw together and mend bridges rather than hurt eachother. So I'm afraid I would consider myself better off away from women like that.
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Dnwa
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Re: Friends issue - update

#20 Post by Dnwa »

So they dont want to be friends with her thats fine . They enjoy meeting up and including you.

Is it you who informs this person of the outting and force her on them ?
Do you defend her bad behaviour ?

Also do you witness her bad behaviour and ignore it or pull her up and explain its unacceptable?
Doesnshe notice the exclusions and understand why ?
Dilemma
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Re: Friends issue - update

#21 Post by Dilemma »

So they dont want to be friends with her thats fine . They enjoy meeting up and including you.

Is it you who informs this person of the outting and force her on them ?
Do you defend her bad behaviour ?

Also do you witness her bad behaviour and ignore it or pull her up and explain its unacceptable?
Doesnshe notice the exclusions and understand why ?
Hi, I don't force her on them. She has upset quite a few of the girls in that group. When she starts to slag them off in my company, I tell her firmly, I do not want to know.

Yes, I have witnessed her bad behaviour. When I bring it up she says "it's the way she is, take it or leave it"

I think she is hurting because she is not popular with these other girls. She falls out with a lot of people. She is very privileged, as in, very financially well off and she assumes everyone else is just envious.
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Re: Friends issue - update

#22 Post by Unnamed poster 6 »

Similar happened me. I was perceived to be friendlier with one woman (this was said to be a few times- I felt that this woman was friendliest towards me as we had a lot in common, but I was friends with everyone), this woman fell out with some of the other women and I ended up being excluded, even though I didn't do anything.
I found it upsetting. But now I can see that I didn't deserve to be treated like that and what does that say about them? Not much.
Dnwa
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Re: Friends issue - update

#23 Post by Dnwa »

Im confused at how she gettings the opportunity to be in there company to cause this ruckus ! Like can you not be social with them withoit her ?

Anyway not the point. Just take a full step back from.them all and weight it up . Your worth in the relationships .

Just make sure this lady isnt doing it to be dominate of you . To exclude you from other so she can have you all to her self .
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tea
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Re: Friends issue - update

#24 Post by tea »

She falls out with a lot of people and it's always them, not her.
Hmmmm. And it's because they're jealous.
I dunno. Something tells me one day you'll be the one she falls out with.
I tend to brush off things people say when I shouldn't- poor boundaries.
I'm guessing she has no issue overstepping people's boundaries, but then she should expect to be called up on it.
Your defence of her that she is "hurting" - sorry, but she created that.
The other women are possibly wondering what the heck you're doing hanging around wirh her and hence are being cool with you.
dutchie
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Re: Friends issue - update

#25 Post by dutchie »

Dilemma wrote:
So they dont want to be friends with her thats fine . They enjoy meeting up and including you.

Is it you who informs this person of the outting and force her on them ?
Do you defend her bad behaviour ?

Also do you witness her bad behaviour and ignore it or pull her up and explain its unacceptable?
Doesnshe notice the exclusions and understand why ?
Hi, I don't force her on them. She has upset quite a few of the girls in that group. When she starts to slag them off in my company, I tell her firmly, I do not want to know.

Yes, I have witnessed her bad behaviour. When I bring it up she says "it's the way she is, take it or leave it"

I think she is hurting because she is not popular with these other girls. She falls out with a lot of people. She is very privileged, as in, very financially well off and she assumes everyone else is just envious.
So your friend has slagged off your other friends and when you tell her that it not on she tells you that its the way she is???
And she thinks the reason people don't like her is because she is well off and they are jealous??

I now understand why your other friends don't want to be around her. She is not coming across as nice at all. Why are you friends with her?

It won't be long before she turns her back on you so be careful
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HeyJude
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Re: Friends issue - update

#26 Post by HeyJude »

I agree with the other. Jane doesn't sound like a very nice person, especially if she's aware that she comes across as unpleasant and upsetting and still plows on anyway. I would distance myself from her tbh. I knew someone like that years ago and she eventually turned on me though we were great friends up until then.
It still doesn't excuse the others unless you are bringing Jane along to social occasions with them.
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Re: Friends issue - update

#27 Post by Starryeyedsurprise »

Are you sure Jane isn't deliberately trying to isolate you from the other friends??? How can she fall out with a lot of people??? Are all these other people your friends?? I think you know deep down if you pull Jane up on her behaviour, you'll be shafted too.

Under no circumstances, would I even mention or try to put Jane in a good light in front of the other girls. She has obviously upset them in some way.
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Re: Friends issue - update

#28 Post by Starryeyedsurprise »

Are you sure Jane isn't deliberately trying to isolate you from the other friends??? How can she fall out with a lot of people??? Are all these other people your friends?? I think you know deep down if you pull Jane up on her behaviour, you'll be shafted too.

Under no circumstances, would I even mention or try to put Jane in a good light in front of the other girls. She has obviously upset them in some way.
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