Facing to our challenges

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Difficult Times
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Facing to our challenges

#1 Post by Difficult Times »

Without making this feel like a complete drip feed, here’s where we are as a family.

DH is unwell, though recovery is likely and could be positive we just don’t have that certainty yet. He has faced the reality that work is not an option for the next 6 month and will have to leave his field of work. The cash impact of that is immediate so a lot of downsizing is happening.

It’s a small price to pay for his health but of course the stress is considerable and not something he can face. I am sad because our lives have now moved, I am stressed by level of sole responsibility, I am mad that this has happened and more than anything I am worried for our kids.

Why am I posting? I don’t know really. On a practical level I would appreciate cost saving ideas/options and the likes. On an emotional level I would appreciate guidance on how to look after myself. Easy stuff that I can find the time to do.

purple star
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Re: Facing to our challenges

#2 Post by purple star »

Do you have an income op?

RDR
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Re: Facing to our challenges

#3 Post by RDR »

I'm sorry to hear that. Would MABS be an option to help you with budgeting/cost-saving?

It is great that you realise the importance of looking after yourself. Having someone you can talk to without needing to self-censor or feel judged and knowing you'll feel supported would be really important. That might be a friend, relative, professional or even here. If your dh is under the care of a hospital it may be worth finding out if there's a medical social worker or other counselling option available in the hospital. If you have an interest, hobby, activity that you love it would be really helpful if you could keep that up - carving out a small space for you can be invaluable.

Wishing you the best over the coming months.

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DiscoGirl
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Re: Facing to our challenges

#4 Post by DiscoGirl »

I'm sorry you are having a tough time , I hope posting on here can help xx

Kmum
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Re: Facing to our challenges

#5 Post by Kmum »

Is he an employee? If so he would be protected on sick leave, if his company won’t pay him then he would be entitled to illness benefit. But his job would be protected until you have more certainty around the prognosis. It’s an extremely stressful time but this might buy you some headspace and keep some cash coming in. Can you take a 6mth break on mortgage repayments? A lot of mortgage agreements allow for this without impacting on the terms of the mortgage, you will pay more interest but will be nominal in terms of your overall repayment.

Are there any expenses that will reduce while your DH is off work? Childcare, Travel to work expenses etc Could your DH put dinner on during the day, slow cooker dinners that might take a little bit more time but save money and allow you to use cheaper cuts of meat. Can you focus on the next 6mths and when you get through that and see how your DH is you can look at the future, at which point your DH will hopefully be in a position to share the decision making.

Can you put aside some time for yourself each week? Have a walk/run date with a friend. I run with two friends three times a week and it’s more of a counselling/rant session than anything else. I’d echo confiding in a trusted friend who will let you rant and not judge. Mind yourself and use the board here too.
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LucyS
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Re: Facing to our challenges

#6 Post by LucyS »

I'm sorry to hear about your DH and hope he makes a full recovery.

I think kmum has given excellent advice above. Check if you are entitled to anything via sick leave entitlements, critical illness insurance, etc. Also, a six-month break in your mortgage payments would help considerably.

Elsie
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Re: Facing to our challenges

#7 Post by Elsie »

depending on how old your kids are you should let them know that family life is going to change... not in a bad way but in a different way. If they are teen-ish maybe set up chores/pocket money so that they learn that they cant have money from you automatically and that you are tightening your belts.

list out all your bills - yearly ones, monthly/bimonthly and weekly including kids after school activities.... in fact every single outgoing you can think of - from there you can see how much you need and how much is extras. Even to cut down electricity/gas bill by 30 quid can make a big difference.

weekly shopping bills can be shocking. learn to curb everyday spends if you do them (popping in for milk - spending 20 euro) Look at the amount of food in your freezer/presses and only buy stuff to add to what is already there.... why we all feel that we need full presses of food is crazy.

plan ahead for birthday parties for friends etc..... when the kids were small we always had a birthday box... I would buy gifts when on sale and keep them in that box. When kids got a party invite they made a card during the week before and picked something from the birthday box to give as a gift.


for yourself I must admit Im not great on that front but definitely walking.... and more walking.... if you can get the family out at the weekends/after school even better to the beach or the hills but even a half hour every day will help you immensely.

Life does throw curveballs and in takes a while to get the hang of them..... I wish you the best of everything and love that you are already being practical about putting stuff into place. Mind yourself x

Difficult Times
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Re: Facing to our challenges

#8 Post by Difficult Times »

I really appreciate your posts, in fact they’ve brought a tear to my eye. And that’s needed as I am not shedding tears which is probably not healthy.

I also really appreciate the practical suggestions and am adding them to my list of things to work on.

Thankfully I do have an income but am nervous about the impact on my work and productivity. I have already had to take some time off.

I didn’t know if posting would be helpful, thankfully it’s already been hugely helpful. Thank you

Difficult Times
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Re: Facing to our challenges

#9 Post by Difficult Times »

Thank you, your replies of support and practical advice have blown me away.

I do have an income thankfully. Going to add lots to my list and make a solid plan. Feeling a little defeated this afternoon but I will get focused this evening and tomorrow.

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Re: Facing to our challenges

#10 Post by Tinky »

In addition to the good advice above I would recommend for money saving

Menu planning, I’m not the best but it makes a huge difference when I do.

Set a weekly food budget. I do half online shopping in Tesco with their monthly delivery plan of €10 and half Lidl. One is midweek and one at the weekend. I’m less likely to pop into the shops then - as someone says a pint of milk costs €20

I’ve just moved from bill pay on my phone to prepay this should save me €40 a month

I also use a spending tracker on my phone - whilst it doesn’t make me spend less it does take away the fear of not knowing what is in my account at a glance and allows me to keep track of how much I’m spending on things.




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Tinky
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Re: Facing to our challenges

#11 Post by Tinky »

Pressed reply by accident before I added I wish your DH well.


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mcmammy2
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Re: Facing to our challenges

#12 Post by mcmammy2 »

Op sorry to hear about your DH. We cut back loads when the kids came along. We annually assess things like health, car insurance, broadband providers, etc to make sure we get the best deal.

We have saor view and only use Netflix to watch TV.

We have a weekly printed grocery list. We rarely deviate from.

We both cycle to work. We try not to use the car too much. The kids cycle to school/playschool.

We rarely if ever get take away.

Most of these are very obvious. I hope it helps. The stay on the mortgage sounds like a good idea. Hope your DH recovers sooner rather than later. Your post really highlighted how fragile our living situations can be.

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