Friends...am i being unreasonable?

[Irrational]

Hi ...I am friends with "Jane" for a few years. We are part of a large group of friends. I went through a particularly tough time last year. My son was very ill and they were all there for me, including Jane.

My issue is, she is very close to another girl, let's call her "Rose". Rose is despicable. She has upset and hurt a lot of people, including me. She insults most people she meets. She has offended the majority of the other girls in the group, commenting on their looks, parenting, generally everything. She was particularly horrible to me one evening on a night out and I told her she was odious and to never speak to me again. Mercifully, she hasn't spoken to me since .

She was horrible when my son was sick and a few of my other friends basically told her to do one and to no longer contact any of them.

My issue is, Jane is extremely close to her. Jane realises Rose is "difficult" but she sees the other side. I try to rise above it as Jane is a good mate to me and I like her but sometimes I struggle.

[mmum]

I've been Jane and had Rose in my life & sometimes, for whatever unknown reason it's hard to walk away.

TBH as long as Rose isn't part of your circle let Jane be, she'll learn eventually (as did i).

[CLBG]

As long as you don't have to engage with Rose, I would just leave Jane to get on with it.

[Unnamed poster 7]

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[Elsie]

What are you asking though?
that you don't want Jane to be friends with Rose? then yes you are being unreasonable. Jane must know how you feel so let her meet Rose on her own.

[Irrational]

Thank you. I don't expect Jane not to be friends with Rose but the fact that she has been pure nasty and spiteful to me (esp.after my son's illness), I feel a little hurt but know there is nothing I can do.

[Tobo]

It shouldn't matter who Jane is friends with, if you're not going to be socialising with Rose and Jane together.
Surely, Jane can be friends with whoever she likes?
I would ask Jane to not gossip or give your info to Rose when they are together though.

[dutchie]

You can't ask Jane not to be friends with rose just because you don't like her. Let her do her own thing with Rose but one thing I would be careful is that it could be a huge possibility that Jane is running to Rose with all your news........ Just watch what you are saying when out with Jane

[janeymac]

Agree with everyone else. I don't see the issue. Plenty of people don't like some of their friends friends. I'm sure lots of people don't like their family member or friend's partner/ husband or wife. It's common enough I imagine.
If you have a good mate or sister or brother you respect their right to choose their own mates etc. You don't have to like them but it's not your business/right to object.

[HeyJude]

You can't choose your friends friends nor can they choose yours. As long as you don't have to spend time with Rose and Jane isn't bitching behind your back to her about you then I don't see the issue. I hear this with tweens/teens a lot where they get bent out of shape over a Jane staying friends with a Rose because Rose said something to them etc. but among adults I expect there not to be an issue.

[Penny]

I think there is always a Rose in every group. I have friends who would be friends with a Rose. Rose does not like me at all and at the start I was freaked that my friends could like her. But I make sure now I am never in Roses company and I just tune out if they mention Rose.

Rose comes across as a lovely person but I have seen the other side to her and how vicious and false she can be.

I don't loose sleep over her anymore.

[Unnamed poster 7]

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[Nodrog]

I kinda get where you are coming from, it's hard to understand how your own nice friend could be friends with someone you consider a despicable person, but that's her decision, not yours.

[Vino]

It's unreasonable to expect Jane not to be friends with rose but it's not unreasonable to ask Jane not to discuss Rose or anything she gets up to with you.

[Leinster mum]

It is unreasonable to expect to say who someone else can and cannot be friends with. I would always say if someone asks you choose between two people in a situation like that you pick the one who didn't ask so if you do want to say something be prepared that it will be you she would back away from.